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Caregivers: Pulling my hair out!

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happytail

happytail
St. Simon's Island, GA
(Zone 9a)

August 29, 2009
4:48 PM

Post #7001502

My mother, who has been almost blind due to Macular Degeneration for several years, fell about 2 months ago. She wasn't terribly hurt (thank goodness nothing was broken), but she was in the hospital for 8 days, and due to being very unstable balance-wise, she spent about 3 weeks in a nursing home for their skilled nursing care. She didn't want to get out of bed, and didn't want to get dressed, and wanted everyone else to do things for her. Well, she has now come back home, after almost completely recovering from the fall, and now she doesn't want to do anything for herself at home. She lays on the couch, with her hand on her head, feeling sorry for herself. She told me that all she wants from me is sympathy. I told her I was not joining the pity party, and she needed to get up and get back to doing the things she always has, or she's going to end up right back in that nursing home. The neighbors have been bringing her food, and doing all that stuff for her (washing dishes, clothes, etc.) and now they think she needs a sitter all day long. (they also think I'm a terrible daughter, by the way) The Occupational Therapist, the Physical Therapist, and the home health nurse all say she doesn't need a sitter, and is perfectly capable of doing all these things for herself, because they have all gone through all these things with her. Working the shower, working the washing machine, the microwave, etc. They all three tell me that she just needs to quit feeling sorry for herself (which, by the way, she's been very good at all her life), and motivate herself to get up and get going. She is 83, I'm 42, and we've never gotten along. It really stresses my out to have to deal with all the issues, neighbors, etc. when I know she's capable of doing for herself. They have been bringing her LOTS of food, which she won't eat (VERY picky eater) and it all just gets thrown away. I suggested to one neighbor that they cut back on the amount of food, and she informed me that they all think she needs a sitter, and I should be going over and fixing her food every day. I just don't know how to handle this. It would be different if she was unable to do anything for herself, but that is not the case.

Thanks for letting me vent. I'm just about at my wits end.

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