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Caregivers: Crisis time after caring for a disabled son for thirty six

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weedyseedy
Warners, NY

January 24, 2011
9:07 AM

Post #8327588

Usually I am the wise guy on the daylily forum or lurking on the gardening forums and probably I have never mentioned that I have a thirty six year old son who is developmentally disabled. He is possibly autistic but functions at a high level and is able to work (nine years in a large, busy super market-sweeping floors and emptying trash) and has an all too busy social network. He must know every homeless character in the county including the bearded "Wolf Man" who rides around town on a bicycle with his beard flying. He went to a teen center more than fifteen years ago and still volunteers there and apparently the kids like him, he finger picks a guitar and restrings them and still plays at their open mics. I guess autistic kids often have at least one "spike" of surprising ability, and, we found a very patient guitar teacher when he was about twelve or so And that was a God send as it has given him something that has helped people accept him ever since. His brother has suffered from envy along with never being able to accept him as he is. Another grief. But, I am seventy four and the time has come, I think, to give up and find either a group home or a supervised setting for him. We are all in hysterics. He insists he could live in an apartment by himself like his brother but we know and his support people know he simply couldn't, he simply needs too much supervision. On the face of it, he seems to manage laundry, meals , clothes on his own---but--this morning he took off to the dentists with his work cloths in a shopping bag to wash and informed me that I can pick him up tonight at the teen center at nine PM--one psychologist said it's like talking to a very bright five year old. And there is simply not the adult judgment and social skills to live on his own nor the ability to read social cues. His behavior can be inappropriate at times even though people tend to like and accept him---his brother still resents the fact that he somehow managed to be very popular in high school. ( That guitar finger picking--kids can't resist it) So this winter I finally have to admit the time has come before we all become so angry and frustrated that we get fighting. I cannot much longer drive him back from work on snowy icy roads--the last scare convinced me.-------------------------------------------------------------Weedy

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