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Australian and New Zealand Gardening: My Mom passed away Monday June 13, 2011 1:05 AM

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Texasgal77
Baytown, TX
(Zone 9a)

June 15, 2011
7:39 PM

Post #8633181

To all of my Aussie Mates:

Sat May 14th we took Mom to ER for severe lower back pain. They actually admitted her for low sodium @ 118 and a bad UTI. While there her heart went over 200 beats a minute... She had a mild stroke and was disoriented for several days.

She had compressed fractures of T12 and L3. They never did diagnose what was causing the severe lower back pain. She steadily declined and they sent us home on hospice. The nurse said she thought that the lower back pain was caused from the Osteoperosis putting pressure on the nerves in the sacrum area. It was inoperable and she would have lived with horrible pain.

She also had severe Vascular Dementia and on Monday morning June 13, 2011 at 1:05 am she passed away. She had been on Morphine, and Loranzapam, and atropine. Her passing was very peaceful.

My sister Joanne had moved home about two weeks before she went into the hospital. My sister Linda was able to come in from Indiana for a week. She will be back in a couple of weeks for the burial. She may move back to Texas and buy Mom's house.

We had Mom's Memorial service today and she will be cremated and her ashes put with my Dad's grave at Sterling White Cemetary in Highlands, TX. in a couple of weeks.

We are all OK. Mom had been in severe pain, was legally blind, and had a chemical sensitivity that caused horrible pain in both of her eyes. She is no longer in any pain. She can smell the roses and enjoy all of the fragrances and beauty of paradise. We have the comfort of knowing she is with our Lord Jesus Christ and we will see her again someday soon.

We still have had little rain. I need to water my garden bad. My sister's boyfriend has been helping take care of it since I was at the hospital around the clock 24/7 with Mom at St. John's in Clear Lake, and then with Christus St. John's Hospice at her home for a week.

Hope you are all well and that your gardens are doing well.

Jeanne

chrissy100

chrissy100
Sydney
Australia

June 15, 2011
8:10 PM

Post #8633230

Oh ((((( HUGS))))) Jeanne ...Oh I so sorry for your loss, though she is no longer suffering, it's a very hard time for the loved ones left behind ...words can't fix it, I wish they could ...only time and remembering the happy and good things help.

You go hug your family and as specially your dear Grand Daughter. It's the only thing that really helps at a time like this.
Wish I could give you a real hug .
chrissy ...
gardengal
se qld
Australia

June 15, 2011
11:05 PM

Post #8633418

Jeanne, I'm so sorry for your loss. It's good to see you have family around and they're all pulling together. God bless.

Pam
ctmorris
barmera
Australia

June 15, 2011
11:14 PM

Post #8633423

Jeanne, It's so sad for you to lose your Mum but she no longer has any pain. It's wonderful that you have the family around and you can all get strength from each other. My thoughts are with you and your family. Colleen

Seachanger

Seachanger
Clifton Springs
Australia

June 16, 2011
1:12 AM

Post #8633520

Sweet release, Jeanne...for your family as well as your mother...to watch someone you love, go through what she had to bear and to cope with dementia as well...too sad.
In time you will only have the good memories, you are lucky to have your family around you at this time...
Hope it rains very soon for you...
DawnSong
Brisbane
Australia

June 16, 2011
2:05 AM

Post #8633536

I am sorry to read this, but glad you know your mother is at peace now. Take care.

Karen
Texasgal77
Baytown, TX
(Zone 9a)

June 16, 2011
2:18 PM

Post #8634513

Thank you everyone for your kind words. Fortunately the dementia was only a couple of weeks. Up until then it hadn't showed up. She was very alert prior to going into the hospital. Little did we know that she would go down hill so fast...one month which seemed like eternity. We did have alot of precious moments with her even until the very end. It did give my sisters and I time for bonding. We are several years apart and have lived in different states for twenty years. There for one week we were just crazy "sisters", not mothers, or grandmothers.

Yes, she was a gardener also! She had a green thumb and could grow anything (even without Miracle Grow, hahaha).

She hybridized daylilies and at one time had almost two thousand in her back yard. Now she can smell the flowers without her eyes burning and pain. She loved nature and flowers.

You can review some of her artwork in the threads I had started about her salt dolls and sculptures, and the things she made for my doll house. She had even poured cultured marble gift items at one time. We had all of them on display yesterday at her Memorial service. She also made jewelry out of super sculpey beads.

She was very special. Now she is with her Savior in heaven enjoying all of His Majestic creations as well.

Thanks again,

Jeanne
g_whizz
rosetta TASMANIA
Australia

June 18, 2011
3:14 AM

Post #8637852

ive been there Jeanne,..,know exactly what you are going through,..,april 26 last year.,.,it will get easier as time passes-anthony
dalfyre
Christchurch
New Zealand

June 21, 2011
3:14 AM

Post #8643965

{{{hugs}}} Jeanne such sad news, it gives such mixed emotions to lose a parent when they are in terrible pain, relief that the suffering is ended & sadness at the loss.
My father died in a hospice and I couldn't fault the care they gave him and the compassion shown to all of us there with him at the end.
Take care
Teresa
Texasgal77
Baytown, TX
(Zone 9a)

June 21, 2011
1:32 PM

Post #8645175

Thanks both of you. I know in time it will get easier.

We did Hospice at Home thru Christus St. John's. We could NOT have done it without them. The nurses were great. Christus provided all of the medication and supplies, even the hospital bed, tables, nebulizer, etc.

They came one to two times a week, and then when she passed the night nurse came and declared her death, signed all of the paperwork and called the funeral home.

I was the primary care giver during that time. I praise God for the strength to get thru it. My sisters were there for support. I could not have done it without them either. My daughter and son were there also. It took all of us to make it thru. It was so stressfull.

I have fibromyalgia and am in a full flare. It will take time for my body to heal. It's like being in an accident with an 18 wheeler. Every muscle has been stressed. I just awhile to rest and think on other things.

It's so hot here and we're in a drought so my poor flowers are stressed as well. They are barely hanging on...it's kind of a mutual relationship between the garden and I.

Take care. Thanks for your prayers! They are so appreciated!
Jeanne and Family

chrissy100

chrissy100
Sydney
Australia

June 21, 2011
2:03 PM

Post #8645228

My dearest Jeanne ...my sister in law passed away here in our home so I understand the stress of nursing a terminal loved one.
It takes time to get over it ...it leaves a huge vacuum in your life when all of a sudden it all stops ... and you lose that person and the heart is torn with both grief and relief.

I woke up every two hours for months and you probably will too. Your body will take time to calm down again, be kind to yourself, put that care you gave your mum now towards your own healing.

Hugs and prayers for you and your family.
chrissy
Texasgal77
Baytown, TX
(Zone 9a)

June 21, 2011
9:09 PM

Post #8646024

Thanks Chrissy! Those hugs are sincerely appreciated!!!!!!!!!!!

Both of my sisters had been thru the experience of hospice at home in the past. I was the only one who had not been thru it. It was definately "an experience!"...not sure it's one I'll want to remember. It definately was tough. I would not have had it any other way. I could not have left her anywhere. I know people who work don't always have that choice. We were fortunate that we could all be there for her until the very end.

We do have the peace that passeth understanding that she went to be with our Lord Jesus Christ and we will see her again soon. It gave us all peace to be able to say to her
"It is OK for you to go, we will be alright. We will be there as soon as we can."

Jesus is Lord, and the Healer, and HE will give us strength to carry on, until HE comes and gets us as well. Today I pretty much rested. I will try and do a little each day.


Thanks for your prayers everyone,

Jeanne and family
dalfyre
Christchurch
New Zealand

June 22, 2011
4:05 AM

Post #8646283

Jeanne, I wish I could send you some cool rain, we have plenty to spare :)
there is nothing like the beauty of a garden to bring peace to your soul...
take care of yourself now
best wishes - Teresa

Thumbnail by dalfyre
Click the image for an enlarged view.

Annabellaaust
Sydney NSW
Australia

June 22, 2011
7:09 PM

Post #8648004

Jeanne,
What can I say?

I am so sorry for your loss. It is a release in that your mum is no longer suffering and you are not feeling her daily anguish.
Time will relieve the intensity but, of course, never the pain of the loss of your mother..
I pray that you will find comfort in your God and in prayer.
It is great to have a close and loving family and you will be able to talk about your mother and the years that you all had together. I will pray for the repose of her soul in my rosary.
God Bless
Anna
Texasgal77
Baytown, TX
(Zone 9a)

June 23, 2011
12:02 PM

Post #8649294

Thank you Anna and Teresa! It is sincerely appreciated.

Jeanne
Degarotty
North Ipswich, Qld
Australia

July 5, 2011
7:31 PM

Post #8674903

Hi my gardening reiend,

My prayers are with you and I believe You will see her again when it is your time.

We never forget them, but should focus on our beautiful memories.

My heart feels for you as I lost my dad at a young age where I needed him.

Good Luck babe, and pray to God to help you get through this difficult time.

Debi
Texasgal77
Baytown, TX
(Zone 9a)

July 7, 2011
8:09 PM

Post #8679433

Thanks Debi! That is the only way I have gotten thru this...prayer...believe me!

The time in the hospital was just unbelieveable, then the time at home worse. The memories haunt me.

In my heart I know Where she is...I know she is happy, whole, well. I just have to focus on those thoughts, not the path taken to get there.

It is so painful. I have cried and cried, and the pain just doesn't seem to go away.

Thanks, please keep us in your prayers. I have fibro and the hurt not only is emotional, but hard on my poor weak achy body. I think I have stomach ulcers again...

Each day I'm sure will get easier eventually.

Thanks,
Jeanne
Texasgal77
Baytown, TX
(Zone 9a)

July 8, 2011
1:02 PM

Post #8680563

No sleep last night...just cried and prayed. I could feel her presence. I do feel a release tho. I do have the confidence that we gave her the best care we could.

It was so hard to see her so frail. In life she had been so strong, a powerhouse. To see her so weak, comatos, almost lifeless...just barely hanging on was really tough. She was heavily sedated so I know that she was fairly comfortable the last few days. Now she is in NO pain, HAPPY, with a brand new body.

We can still send her messages and our love thru Jesus. I have been listening to my Songs for Worship CD's which really help. They are a true comfort. Our TBN station has been such a blessing. It seems like every message is for me.

I knew this day would come...everyone dies in their own time...I just wasn't prepared for how hard it was going to be. She loved life so much. She made the best out of every situation.

I know Life goes on. I know that our present, each day is a gift, and our promise, the future. I know that Jesus is Lord. I know that HE is my redeemer, my Savior, my Lord. I need to be strong for my children, and grandchildren. Somehow that "child" within me just can't seem to let go of that "Mother" that was always there for me, my best friend.

My sisters are going to stay here, so now I have two new best friends to get know.
Jo and I went shopping yesterday. It was good to have a running buddy. We both rode the scooters thru target looking around. Once again, just "Crazy sisters", not Mothers, or grandmothers. It's good to have them home after twenty years of being away.

They say time heals all wounds. Many say that with a death or divorce it takes at least two years to heal. I think the "scab" is forming...and then again, maybe I just need some spiritual lotion for it to heal and not scar.

I guess death or dying is not something we often choose to talk about. It is a very private thing and unless you've actually been there present it is just going into the "unknown". The hospice Visiting Nurses Association gave us a little blue book, "Gone from my Sight". It was very helpful in the preparation of what to expect...so when we saw the signs we knew "Her journey had begun". The nurse would say, "She is on her journey now..."

I do believe in "the rapture"...that Jesus will come get us in the "twinkling of an eye". Her journey was not a "twinkling". It was a process. It was short compared to what many go thru with other conditions, for which I am very thankful. It could have been much longer.

I am sure as time goes by there will be many things for which I am thankful for. I am thankful for Dave's. I am thankful for friends that I have never met personally half the world away. I love all of you so very much.

Thank you for your love and support during this difficult time.

Jeanne

chrissy100

chrissy100
Sydney
Australia

July 9, 2011
11:06 PM

Post #8683130

Hugs and prayers for you Jeanne ...life is a journey, one we all take.
Getting born is hard and dying too, we don't remember being born and your dear mother won't remember the painful end of her journey, you need to look after yourself now, because you must carry on until that day when you will once again be with the the loved ones gone before us. There are those who love and need you right now, so take good care of the lady they love.
dalfyre
Christchurch
New Zealand

July 10, 2011
1:46 AM

Post #8683180

Wise words Chrissy...
Texasgal77
Baytown, TX
(Zone 9a)

July 11, 2011
11:16 AM

Post #8686090

Thanks Chrissy! I've been praying continuously for peace. I know that Jesus is victorious over everything, especially death. Satan is defeated. We have the power in Jesus' name to cast down every evil imagination and thought, so I do not have to be haunted by those horrible memories. She too has risen. She is with our Lord.

I have been sleeping better. I'm still in a fibro flare. We are getting things done at Mom's little by little. We went thru all of the picture albums last night, sorting by family, and which ones we want to go make copies of. I still have things to bring home from there. But I have been resting in between.

DS and I went out to eat Sat. in Seabrook at the Classic Cafe on Nasa 1. It was good. He had a seafood plate and I had the chicken picatta. We brought home a whole carrot cake. They are soooooo good.

I wish I could spend more time in my garden but it is just too hot. I do need to water today.

We need to make new memories. Working on the photo albums helped us remember her in her prime when she was healthy and happy. My sister saw one picture of Mom laughing and said, "Boy, she was sure happy there!" I said, "Yes, and she is that happy NOW!"

I wrote out a "Declaration of Faith" and posted it on my bathroom mirror. It reminds me that Jesus is victorious, and so are we IN HIS NAME, we have the power to overcome anything!


This message was edited Jul 11, 2011 11:18 PM
Texasgal77
Baytown, TX
(Zone 9a)

July 22, 2011
9:55 PM

Post #8709937

Hi Aussie Mates,
Things are going better. Each day gets a little easier. Still in a fibro flare. Still trying to go thru things at Mom's. She lived in the same house for 34 years, so there is alot of things to go thru. We're almost done.

It is still so hot here, but we finally did get rain for a couple of days. Today it thundered off and on all afternoon, but no rain. I'll probably have to water tomorrow. Hardly anything has bloomed. The yellow jasmine on the gazebo is thriving again. I had cut it back so that DS could build a hut. It is all the way back up on the front side. Bless it's heart it is so deteremined.

Youngest granddaughter will be coming on Sunday for a few days. Hard to believe they start back to school in a month here.

Hope everyone is well.

Jeanne
Texasgal77
Baytown, TX
(Zone 9a)

July 26, 2011
10:10 PM

Post #8717648

Texas has been hit hard with this heat and little rain. I refuse to buy anything that eats, drinks, or breathes air...or can die. We did get a little rain yesterday.

I think I told some of you that my sister moved here from Mississippi after twenty years of being away. We are really having a great time together. Her boyfriend plays rhythm guitar so we have been enjoying his playing. I even bought one for myself! I am going to learn to play! My grandson is learning to play the bass guitar, and youngest granddaughter wants to take piano, so bought her a Casio keyboard. Both granddaughters sing, so now all we need is a full set of drums and a drummer.

Tonight we had a Karioke session in the living room and it was so much fun. DS even picked up a guitar and was strumming for a little while. He's never held one to my knowledge but I fully believe he might even learn to play also.

Music helps releave tention and that is exactly what we need all need right now!

Everyone take care of yourselves!

Jeanne
ctmorris
barmera
Australia

July 27, 2011
3:02 PM

Post #8719266

Jeanne it's so lovely that the family has gathered around you. It will get easier as time goes by but you will always have your sad times. When people are older and sick is it a bit easier for us but when they're young and have all the world to live for it makes the people left behind wonder why. Even though my brother was 74 he had really only just started to live. He had just retired and wondering when he ever had time to go to work, he was so busy. He had so much knowledge to pass on and so little time to do it. You take care . Colleen
g_whizz
rosetta TASMANIA
Australia

July 28, 2011
1:25 AM

Post #8720332

music is a great healer,..,especially 80's music[i love it],.Things will get better Jeanne, and it sounds like family is helping,.,.good luck
Texasgal77
Baytown, TX
(Zone 9a)

August 3, 2011
8:43 PM

Post #8735709

Time is healing the wounds. We are making new memories.

I still have flashbacks of certain things during the hospital and home hospice days but I just have to put them out of my mind. I remind my self where she is and that she is whole, well and happy! And that we are all OK.

The music has definately helped. Youngest granddaughter started piano lessons this week. The two oldest are busy with drill and band for their High School. Their football season will start soon. Before you know it, it will be the holidays.

Sister's birthday is this month. Lots to look forward to.

Take care everyone,
Jeanne
Texasgal77
Baytown, TX
(Zone 9a)

September 9, 2011
11:31 PM

Post #8801756

Hi everyone,

It's coming up on three months now. It has finally started to cool off. We had a cool front come thru so we are now out of the three digits, and down into the 90's.

I had bought this little rock garden waterfall at a grocery store before Mom got sick and never found a place for it. It can be my "Memorial Garden". I really love it.

The little plumerias are from seed from my big yellow plumie. They are now three years old. They have survived two freezes and a summer of three digit temps for 24 straight days. I'd say they are "Survivors"!

Hope you do too!
Jeanne

This message was edited Sep 10, 2011 12:48 AM

Thumbnail by Texasgal77
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Texasgal77
Baytown, TX
(Zone 9a)

September 9, 2011
11:34 PM

Post #8801760

Another close up

Thumbnail by Texasgal77
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Texasgal77
Baytown, TX
(Zone 9a)

September 9, 2011
11:35 PM

Post #8801761

Garden...needs work...will get to it little by little; Lots of weeds to pull.

Thumbnail by Texasgal77
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Texasgal77
Baytown, TX
(Zone 9a)

September 9, 2011
11:42 PM

Post #8801763

Banana Trees are taller than the six ft fence. They had to be cut to the ground because of the freeze last winter. Some of them were only little sprouts in March. They are too young to have bananas this year...maybe next year if we don't get hit by a freeze this year again.

This weather is sooooo crazy you never know what it is going to do!

Jeanne

Thumbnail by Texasgal77
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Texasgal77
Baytown, TX
(Zone 9a)

September 9, 2011
11:44 PM

Post #8801767

Corner of patio with plumerias

Thumbnail by Texasgal77
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g_whizz
rosetta TASMANIA
Australia

September 10, 2011
1:18 AM

Post #8801784

very good!
Texasgal77
Baytown, TX
(Zone 9a)

September 11, 2011
9:15 PM

Post #8804424

Thanks Anthony! It's so peaceful to sit out there and watch the water flow down the rocks.
It's still hot here and is supposed to be 99 deg F. the next two days. Still no more rain in sight. I need to water tomorrow. There has been a nice breeze out on the patio tho.

My neighbor cut down a huge ChinaBerry tree so now we get more of the breezes!

Take care,
Jeanne

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