An elderly man is walking through a supermarket calling out, "Crisco.Crisco". A store employee walks over and tells him he can find Crisco in aisle 5. The old guy says "I'm not looking for the stuff you cook with. I'm looking for my wife. She's in here somewhere and I can't find her". The employee asks, "Is your wife's name,Crisco?" The old man replies,"No,I only call her that when we're in public". The employee asks, "What do you call her in private?" The old man says,"I call her Lard A-- "(butt).