I always seem to remember the good memories, maybe those are the ones we are suppose to remember and not the bad times. There was a recipe for a casserole made with lima beans my son said he loved, but for the life of me I just can't remember one. I think of that often, maybe someday I'll find it. (((Hugs)))
Just too hot today to even think. Walked out the front door into what felt like a 350 degree oven. Poor plants need water so I'm going to have to go out and help them out a little, before the temp. goes any higher.
Samigal, I just googled lima bean casserole, and there are lots of recipes to choose from. That sounds good--I may have to try some, too!
I just sent up a prayer that you are having a good day, today, Sue.
today was good.
sold our chickens at the auction
cleaned out basement
cleaned other animal cages , rabbits and show chickens .
ate some grapes
thought of Gigi today in a good way.
Honestly i keep thinking she will call me , every time the phone rings. My heart stops for a moment in hope... crazy huh ?
Sue, when my Mom passed I kept picking up the phone to talk to her, it took me quite awhile to get over that. But you can go to a quite place in the garden, and have a conversation with her, she is listening!
Tim was home this saturday and left today, honestly i think prisoner get more visit time then we do ?? oh and speaking of prisoners ... guess what we passed on the way home from Marysville ! ???? yes yes yes. The Womens Correctional Facility aka prison !! .
SO me and the kids rolled down our windows as we drove by and smiled and gave a big wave and hello to . Karen Cook and Candece Forney. Then we joked about going to visit and what kind of food to bring for them and what flavors choices of food... savannah said worms w/ puke and austin said ... poop w/ fingernails flavor... you don't want to know my flavor of choice MUwahahahahaha
yes its s demented thing but it felt good. To actually see there new home.
Sue , i've been reading this past hour .No idea this was going on . I can't begin to imagine your pain . So sorry this happened to you and Jessica . Don't know what else to say except my heart is heavy for you.
thank you digger, i appreciate your kind words.
well this morning was a bit teary eyed. I dreamt of Jessica . I couldn't find her ? i kept screaming " where are you " then i woke up... i hate those dreams.
so it was an emotional morning, but then i got to work and things went well.
today is rain.
i was thinking of funny things jessica used to do
she loved jokes, had many joke books she had a mouse and a giraffe joke but i just can't remember it. One of her fav's.
some funny things she used to do.
we went to the zoo and there was a manatee exhibit ... she yelled back to me. " Mom wow they got white whales here !!! " , the big sign for Manatee Exhibit was right above her and a sign right in front of her too. She just got so excited it was pretty funny. She could always laugh at herself .
It does sound like survivors guilt, but it also just a heartbreaking situation. Let it play itself out. The wounds are fresh and healing is going to take a long time.
I agree with Taters,
She is there anytime you need her to be.
I am so glad you and the kids could vent. Love the kids menu!
''Gigi's Journal'' is an exellent idea! The twins would love to read it too.
I always think about you and send you a hug. I say special prayers when I water for my neighbor. They have an upstairs deck and a nice view of the sky. I really feel a bit closer when I say prayers there.
These are things you have to work thru alone, but you have an awful lot of us standing behind you every day, hugging you and your kids and praying for the family.
thank you everyone
yes i have been journaling . i started about 30 days after her murder. I would sit in her hammock in our backyard. I would swing, write, cry , pray, wish. Talk to her . I have not done it in a few weeks. i feel guilty about it.
another thing she did one time
we are at Home Depot . she was 10 ?
she found a office chair. The kind that spins and has a leaver to control the hight of the chair. SOOOO she called me and called me. I was in an isle looking at some paint . I looked over and ROFLLLL... ok ok i crack up when i tell this story
she is spinning around in the chair and has it lowering down. she calls out... " i 'mmmm meeeellllllllting " LOLLLLL and i see her sink behind the desk
her and i were rolling on the floor at Home depot cracking up !
i m surprised we didn't get kicked out for making such a racket. She kept doing it over and over as i lay on the floor laughing . I know right ? crazy girls !
yea i guess so. ? she just seems to be slipping away
so i worked in her garden today
tagged plants with my new tags
tried to catch the mole that is digging in Jessica's garden
got some daylilys planted in her garden.
yanked some daylilys out , put them in new location
yanked out a viburnum that got eaten down..
yanked out a weigela . getting a new one
relocated hen and chics in her garden too
was going to plant iris , crocus and some gladiolos
oh i have tons of them and will bring some to the RU. they are either red or purple.
then talked on phone to a friend for a few hrs
that is the low down
made pizza for dinner
i sure hope so
the white butterfly bushes are really big !
i should take pics and post them
i m just batteling this stupid depression and i just don't have the " get up and care about it " that i used to have
but its raining tonight so my new plants i put in the garden are getting a good drink.
Sue , it's another timeline you're going through . Your interest in tomorrow will return . Just slower for some than others . You have a lot of horrible things to put in the background . Those thoughts will always rear their ugly head . Be as positive as you can and think of tomorrow . Jessica is back where she was before she was born and is warm in Gods arms again . I wish I could hug you .
Praying that you will heal very soon, Sue. Once in a while I think I hear my son's voice and when I'm having computer problems I ask him why he couldn't have stayed with me longer to help me out. He is the one who introduced me to this new way of life.
i know i should be patient. ITs just so hard to stay strong for the living, I just get so tired .
To keep my cool and hold back tears when i m at the grocery store or with my other kids . I have to stay focused on them too. i can't forget about their needs and wants too. Its not fair to them if i curl up and sleep.
thank you all so much for your kind words and keeping me focused on faith.
Yeah , funny , here lately , Sue , you're about the first thing I think about , before I even get out of bed .
This is for all that have lost a child . (me too ) . It's been almost 60 years and I still get teary. Can't help but wonder, ' what if '?
I can't imagine the struggle you're in. I hope someday she can send you a sign that she is so very happy now. I'm sure she is sad to see you so heartbroken. It's all going to take time. Always, ((((((HUGE HUGS)))))) and prayers.
wow thought i posted some pics on the thread the other week ?
well apparently i m just finishing stage 3 of the grieving journey. so i m entering stage 4 of the grieving journey
very complex as new emotions have run in my brain and my heart always conflicting wtih one another, gets a bit irritaing at time LOL
halloween is a constant struggle as it was her fav time of year , she was a halloween junkie and loved all the ghoul and gore that came wiht it.
*sigh* i just can't do the gore part . its to fresh still.
i did decorate her garden in the spirit for her
i hope to do this for each season. i want to put a living christmas tree in her garden but i hope i can still get one in ? decorate it with bird treats .
today snow ! yikes
I'm sure Gigi's smiling ear to ear over her decorations. I don't think she cares for the gore anymore either. Keep it happy from now on! It's just an awesome garden.
I love the ''Dancing with the fairies'' sign.
i m going to pain her name in the middle of the sign.
today is halloween and honestly i m just drained emotionaly . kids want to go with friends but that just makes it a longer night for me and i just want to stay home . Its also cold outside ! brrrrrr . rainy and snowing at the same time. yuk.
i will go to the store today and hide candy in our house and in there rooms . LOL hopefully that makes some smiles
hid the candy in the house , kids loved it !
went to a nurseing home for tricks or treats.
glass of wine and tomorrow i will be ok :) no triggers tonight *whew*
would imagine it would be kinda cool to be a halloween baby ?
hallo is a cool name :)
oh my digger , and only 4 hrs to get you a whole year behind ? LOL thank you. i am excited about all the new peonies and daylilys i planted. I also planted crocus, iris and some hyacinth . sure hope the moles, voles and squirrels don't make it a free buffet
Back in '61 , my son was already four . How 'bout going back to '44.
How times change , I didn't learn how to tie my shoes until 1st grade , and so proud of that . Brag a bit . My g g s talks , counts in Spanish , did sign language before talking ,goes through the alphabet without prompting , and makes me feel stupid sometimes . Who knew kids could be taught those things at such a young age ?
We'd love to have you share some funny stories , Sue ,I know you have tons of them . Hugs
Smiling. ''Back in the day'' of 1962, I had trouble tying shoes and telling time. I remember the first day I did tie my shoe, but not sure if I was in school yet. I might have been 5. I remember it was summer.
Yikes, that is one accomplished little boy! I have a 6 year old grandchild who is an old soul. Things come naturally to him and yep, he makes me feel dumb.
I still can't tie my shoes LOL
what kind of stories do you want ?
hmmmm let see
when jess was a young teen. we went to the zoo. There was a manatee exhibit.
In a loud voice she calls back to me " hey they got baluga whales " well it is funny because right in front of her was the huge 20'x20' sign that said " MANATEE EXHIBIT " i guess the eye level thing was hard to see ? LOL oh my gosh the looks people gave us ! like we was idiots.
oh and we were in Utah and she saw this " cow " and she told me how huge it was... so we drove by it and well... yes her " cow " had only ONE UDDER . LOL she could always laugh at herself when she did things like that . I was always impressed with it as i m not that way. i shrivel up and die .
Naw , I didn't know kids that age (2 1/2 ) could learn all that stuff . Any of them can if they are taught , in games . He still pees in a potty and when he's through , poops in his pull-ups .
His grandpa , my son , was trained on a regular toilet . I sat in a little chair in front of him and held him so he wouldn't get scared , and of course , had to set him up there . Going back to his baby book , he had it down pat by 2 1/2 . Once he learned to stand in front of the toilet , I caught him standing on the porch outside "going " and waving and sprinkling it all over a litter of six mos old English Setters sleeping in the sun , on the ground .
Sue that is cute , the things kids call animals . What they say about them is a riot . Those are the stories we all like to hear .It's your thread and hope you don't mind it taking this turn .It will give us all a chance to remember so many things about our kids that we don't want to forget . sister love your way , girl .
i can't wait until spring when we got a arch gazebo thingy , a bench and some more grass around the garden with daffodils and some larger tree's . it will make a nice sitting place
here are more pics of her holiday garden
added lights to the tree, butterfly and angel ornaments . made hats for the turtle Bob.
well i took all the christmas decorations down in her garden today. we finaly got a warm spell and defrosted LOL
got some new christmas decorations at 90% off at hobby lobby !!
found some St.Patricks day stuff too but not on sale. Some things to decorate her garden. She loved being Irish !
Valentine Day i will not celebrate. Love is what killed her. Maybe its wrong to feel that way ? but this year it ain't gonna happen for me.
She loved Matt with all her heart, she would have done anything for him.
I wish she knew how much she was loved by us. She just never seemed to understand that ?
ok i ask you this
on her birdbath. i taped some garland on it and well taking it off . The patina ( paint ) came off too. For the money we spent on it over $900.00 . I ask you " should the patina ( paint ) be peeling off ? "
I know usually one doesn't tape garland on a birdbath per say , but really ?
Wow, that bites! I'd ask the place where you bought it about how to fix it. It does seem like it shouldn't be that fragile.
Loving the wrong person is what killed her. You could celebrate the love you have for her.
I realise in my past , there were several men I "loved " . Now I know it was just an obsession and not love . A woman as young as Gigi wouldn't know the difference either . Youth isn't calm , it's volatile .No one should have to endure what she did in the name of love . And the survivors are the ones that suffer the longest . It's a lifetime sentence and I wish I could take some of the weight off your shoulders . Everyone here that knows the story , I'm sure , feels the same . I'm wrapping you in warm , soft love , as only another mother or father can .
yes that is so true digger. She had no idea what love really is . That age no one truly does . Domestic violence is a silent killer. We had no idea how bad it was getting for her.
thank you for your kind words and support.
well i got some wind chimes up in her garden today.
weather was in the low 60's ! felt nice .
our dog Lucy
such a tough life