Iím writing you this letter to tell you that Iím leaving you forever. Iíve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didnít even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You donít tell me you love me anymore; you donít want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either youíre cheating on me or you donít love me anymore; whatever the case, Iím gone.
P.S. donít try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. Itís true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what youíve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesnít work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ĎYou look just like a girl!í Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you canít say something nice, I didnít comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you wonít get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I donít know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope thatís not a problem.
Best Divorce Ever!