Blond joke.....

Northern Piedmont, NC(Zone 7b)

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The lawyer asks the blonde if she would like to play a fun game.

The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and alot of fun.

He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the blonde's attention, and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls our a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn."

She asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

And you thought blondes were dumb.

Bodrum, Turkey(Zone 10a)

good one - lol

Baker City, OR(Zone 5b)

And we thought lawyers were smart.

Mount Prospect, IL(Zone 5a)

This blond showed up at work with a big rectangle shape under her dress across her chest. Her friend said, "Oh no, Trixie, You are supposed to take the Kleenex OUT of the box before you stuff it in your bra"!

This message was edited Wednesday, Nov 7th 9:15 PM

Florence, AL(Zone 7a)

My facorite blonde joke is:
A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street. The brunette says, "oh, look! A dead bird!"
The blonde replies, looking upward and around, "Really? Where?"

Mount Prospect, IL(Zone 5a)

A blonde went into a restaurant to have some lunch. As she was reading the menu, a waitress comes up. The waitress' name was pinned on the side of her shirt. The blonde looked up. "Gee, thats nice. What did you name the other one"?

Mount Prospect, IL(Zone 5a)

Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, and went to the police station to identify the criminal.
The police chief said he would show them a mug shot of a suspect for 30 seconds, then ask for a description.
After showing the first blonde the picture for 30 seconds, he covered it up and asked her how she would recognize him.
"Easy, she said, He only has one eye"!
The chief was stunned. "He only has one eye because it is a profile shot!" "Think about it!!!
He repeated the procedure for the second blonde, and asked her how she would recognize him.
"He only has one ear."
"What is the matter with you people!" "It is a profile shot!!You are seeing him from the side!"
He repeated the procedure for the third blonde and then said, "how would you recognize this man? Now think about it before you give me a stupid answer!"
After viewing the shot, she thought about it for a moment, then said "he was wearing contact lens."
Now this took the chief by surprise! He went to the database and checked the report and sure enough, the man was wearing contact lens.
He went back into the room and asked the third blonde, "How could you tell he was wearing contact lens when no one in the precinct noticed that?"
"Well, she said, he could hardly wear glasses with only one eye and one ear!"

Sykesville, MD(Zone 7b)

How do make a blonde's eyes light up?
Stick a flashlight in her ear ! Hehe J/K

Grand Prairie, TX

how do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
(scroll down a bit)

(scroll up)

Saint Petersburg, FL(Zone 9b)


Mount Prospect, IL(Zone 5a)

A guy came home from work one day and found his dog with the neighbors pet rabbit, dead and chewed on. The man was panic stricken and was afraid the neighbor would hate him forever. So he took the dirty chewed up thing in the house, gave it a lovely bath, and blow dried its fur so it was nice and fluffy. He put it back in its cage, and was hoping the neighbor would think it died of natural causes. A few days later, he met his neighbor outside, who asked, Did you know, Fluffy died? The guys stutters and says, um, no, er... What happened the neighbor went on, was that we found him dead in his cage one day, so we buried him in the yard. But the weird thing is, the next day when we went outside, someone had dug Fluffy up and bathed him and put him back in his cage!

This message was edited Saturday, Nov 10th 9:59 PM

Mount Prospect, IL(Zone 5a)

A blonde went into a pizza carryout and ordered a pizza. The man asked if she wanted it cut into 6 or 12 pieces? Oh, she chirped, 6 pieces. I could never eat 12!

Mount Prospect, IL(Zone 5a)

Two blondes were seen in a parking lot, trying to open the door of their Merecedes with a coat hanger.
Blonde #1: I can't seem to get this door open!
Blonde #2: Well you better try harder, because it's starting to rain and the top is down!

Mount Prospect, IL(Zone 5a)

A blonde stopped a man, "Sir, Could you please tell me the time?" "Certainly he said, It's 3:15". "That's weird", she replied, "I've been asking people all day that question and everyone gives me a different answer!"

How about the blonde who climbed up on the roof of the bar because she heard "the drinks were on the house?"

( I'm sorry, I'll go away now!)

Mount Prospect, IL(Zone 5a)

A blonde went to the doctor with 2 burnt ears. The doctor asked what had happened? Oh, she said, the phone rang while I was ironing and I picked up the iron by mistake!What happened to the other ear, the doctor asked? The phone rang again later!.

Mount Prospect, IL(Zone 5a)

The blonde was sitting there, taking a cap off a Pepsi bottle, then screwing it back on. This was going on for over an hour. Taking off the cap, putting it back on , taking it off.......until someone passing by, asked what she was doing? Oh, she said, its says in the inside of the cap, Sorry, try again!

Mount Prospect, IL(Zone 5a)

This blonde rancher had two horses, and was never able to tell them apart, so she asked her neighbor what to do. He said just cut the tail off one. So she did. Next day the other one got it's tail caught on a fence and yanked it off! Neighbor said, Well then, cut a notch in one ear. She did. Next day the other one got his ear caught on some barbed wire. Then the beighbor said, Well we'll just measure them. Sure enough, the white horse was 2" higher than the black one!

Mount Prospect, IL(Zone 5a)

Two blondes stood at opposite ends of a lake. One called out, Hey! How do I get on the other side of the lake? The other blonde replied, You ARE on the other side of the lake!

Mount Prospect, IL(Zone 5a)

A blonde went to an applience store sale and found a bargain. She went up to the salesman and said, "I'd like to buy this TV!" The salesman said, Sorry, We don't sell to blondes".
She hurried home and dyed her hair brown and went back to the store. She went up to the salesman and said, I want to buy this TV. The salesman looked at her and said, Sorry, "We don't sell to blondes".
Dam, she thought, he recognized me! So she went for a complete disguise. Had her hair cut, new color, new outfit, big black sunglasses, then waited a few days and went back to the store and approached the salesman. "I'd like to buy this TV". Salesman said "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes!"
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I am blonde?"
He replied, "Because that's a microwave oven!"

Crossville, TN

A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?" She says "No, I'm really a blonde".
"I thought so," he says. "You have a broken finger."

Mount Prospect, IL(Zone 5a)

This BLONDE man, Larry, decided out of the blue to go ice fishing. So he borrowed an auger and some tackle and headed out alone. He walked out on the ice, looked around, saw no one so proceeded starting to auger a hole.
Suddenly he heard a voice from above, "There are no fish under the ice". He looked around, saw nobody, so began augering again. A voice from above boomed out," There are no fish under the ice! He looked around again, then looked up and said, "Is that you, God?" The voice bellowed out, No! This is the arena manager!

Northern Piedmont, NC(Zone 7b)

A woman is building a new house and is walking the contractor through the rooms to discuss the colors. In the kitchen, she tells the contractor she would like the room to be painted a very pale yellow. The contractor makes a note, opens a window and yells "green side up".

The lady and the contractor proceed to the first bedroom, and the lady tells the contractor she would like this room to be Robin's Egg blue. The contractor makes a note, opens a window and yells "green side up".

The lady thinks this is rather strange, but proceeds to the next bedroom. She tells the contractor that she would like this room to be a pale beige. Again, the contractor makes a note, opens the window and yells "green side up".

Finally, the lady can't take it anymore, and she says "I don't think you're really listening to me. The contractor says, "Oh, yeah, I'm listening, I've got two blonds laying sod".

Mount Prospect, IL(Zone 5a)

Blonde, talking to her friend:
I see spots in front of my eyes. Friend: Did you see a doctor?
Blonde: No, just spots.

Mount Prospect, IL(Zone 5a)

Why do Blondes have T.G.I.F. on the bottom of their shoes?

To remind them that toes go in first!

Crossville, TN

Ya'll are TOO funny...thanks, I needed those...Jo

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