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Jokes & Humor: Bring the plants in?

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Forum: Jokes & HumorReplies: 7, Views: 153
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Calalily
Deep South Coastal, TX
(Zone 10a)

November 8, 2001
11:38 PM

Post #17635

A couple living in southern Texas had a lot of potted plants; and, during a recent cold spell, the wife had brought them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze. As it turned out, a little green garden snake had hidden in one of the plants. Once it had warmed up, the snake slithered out. As the wife saw it disappear under the sofa, she let out a blood-curdling scream.

Her husband, who was taking a shower, ran out naked into the living room to see what had happened. She told him there was a snake under the sofa; so he got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it.

About that time, the family dog came over and cold-nosed him on the leg. He thought the snake had bitten him, and he fainted. His wife thought he was having a heart attack and promptly called for an ambulance. The attendants rushed in, loaded him on a stretcher and started carrying him out.

That's when the snake came out from under the sofa. When the Emergency Medical Technician saw it, he dropped his end of the stretcher. As a result, the man's leg was broken and he ended up in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called a neighbor man who volunteered to catch the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Upon telling the woman he thought the snake had gone, she collapsed in relief on the sofa.

While relaxing, her hand dangled between the cushions where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted. The snake rushed back under the sofa, and the neighbor man, seeing her unconscious, tried to use CPR to revive her.

The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from grocery shopping, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth
and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods...knocking him out and cutting his scalp badly enough to require stitches.

The noise woke the woman from her faint, and she saw her neighbor sprawled on the floor with his wife bending over him. She assumed he had been bitten by the snake; so she went into the kitchen, brought back a bottle of whiskey and began pouring it down the man's throat.

By now the police had arrived. They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the two women began explaining how it had all happened because of a little green snake. They called an ambulance which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.

Just then the little snake crawled back out from under the couch. One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the table that was at one end of the sofa. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered, and the drapes caught fire from the exploding light bulb.

The other policeman, while trying to beat out the flames, fell through the window into the yard and land on top of the family dog. Startled, the dog jumped up and raced into the street where an oncoming car swerved, to avoid hitting it, and smashed into the parked police car...setting it afire. Meanwhile, the burning drapes had spread fire to the walls, and the entire house was ablaze.

Neighbors called the fire department. As the arriving fire truck approached, a fireman began raising its ladder. The extended ladder broke the overhead wires and knocked out all electric and phone service in a ten-square block area.

Time passed. Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was rebuilt, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world.

About a year later, as the couple was watching TV, the weatherman announced a possible frost for that night. The husband asked his wife if she thought they should bring in their plants for the night. She shot him!!

This reminds me of a time we went to a little church out in the boonies. I will have to tell it later.

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