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These may sound like a joke, but they're not that funny if you live in Montana!!
1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor and combine crew on the highway.
2. "Vacation" means driving through Glacier or Yellowstone Park or going
"back to school" shopping in Billings.
3. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
4. You measure distance in miles. Not minutes. You've been to a tractor rally.
5. Down south to you means Wyoming. Minneapolis is "back East" Washington is "the coast"
6. You know people who have hit deer, elk, moose or cattle.
7. You know who has to pay for the damage to your truck and the dead cow
when you hit one.
8. Your school classes were canceled because of cold, but only when it
was -40 F or colder and the schools boiler ran out of coal.
9. You drive 100 miles out of your way for a Pickle Barrel or Pork Chop
Johns.
10. You know what a red beer and a whiskey ditch are.
11. You think the best beers available on the market today are Rainier,
Oly,and Coors.
12. You're still mad that Great Falls Select is no longer made.
13. You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way.
14. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
15. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
16. You've seen people wear bib overalls at funerals.
17. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in
it no matter what time of the year.
18. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example:
"Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall I wanna go with."
19. You often reply "you bet," or "hell yes!"
20. All the festivals across the state are named after fruits,vegetables,grain
or testicles.
21. You've gotten a "To Go" drink from the local bar.
22. You've stopped by the local bar to cash a check.
23. You install security lights on your house and barn and leave both unlocked.
24. You think of the major four food groups as beef,pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
25. You carry jumper cables in your car.
26. You know what "Cow Tipping", "Garden Raiding" or "Snipe Hunting" are.
27. You only own 3 spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
28. You understand that it is simply not proper to put ketchup or steak sauce
on a good steak.
29. You know someone who's lost their license due to a DUI and have seen their
tractor or snowmobile parked at the local bar.
30. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
31. You've gone to the grocery store on a snowmobile.
32. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
33. Driving in the winter is often simply a matter of staying between the fence posts.
34. You think that washing your pickup is a waste of time and money.
35. You have never owned a vehicle that did not have cracks in the windshield.
36. You think everyone from a bigger city is stuck up.
37. You get a little claustrophobic when you're in a "big city" like Missoula
and their traffic is "just awful, you wouldn't believe it".
38. You've attempted to set new land speed records on Montana's highways.
39. You think sexy winter lingerie is a flannel nightie and tube socks.
40. You know how many cords of wood it will take to get through the winter.
41. The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but
requires 6 pages for High School Sports.
42. You think that the opening of elk season should be a national holiday.
43. You carry a roll of toilet paper in the glove box in case you have to stop
and go by the road.
44. Your radio antenna is an old clothes hanger or piece of baling wire.
45. You find -20 degrees F "a little chilly."
46. You know all 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Construction.
47. You know what a real Rocky Mountain Oyster is, and have a recipe for
them.
48. You know what a Pasty is.
49. You know how to properly pronounce the capital of Montana, the capital of
South Dakota and the state of Oregon.
50. You know someone who's shot themselves accidentally.
51. Driver's Education was a joke for you and all your classmates since you all
had been driving since you were 10.
52. You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Montana friends.
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