Reasons Why Farm Trucks Are Never Stolen

southeast, NE

Sound familiar?

They have a range of about 20 miles before they overheat,
break down or run out of gas.

Only the owner knows how to operate the door to get in or out.

It is difficult to drive fast with all the fence tools, grease
rags, ropes, chains, buckets, boots and loose papers in the cab.

It takes too long to start and the smoke coming up through the
rusted-out floorboard clouds your vision.

The Border Collie on the toolbox looks mean.

They're too easy to spot. The description might go something like
this: The driver's side door is red, the passenger side door is green,
the right front fender is yellow, etc.

The large round bale in the back makes it hard to see if you're
being chased. You could use the mirrors if they weren't cracked
and covered with duct tape.

Top speed is only about 45 mph.

Who wants a truck that needs a year's worth of maintenance,
u-joints, $3,000 in bodywork, taillights and a windshield.

It's hard to commit a crime with everyone waving at you

Brewers, KY(Zone 6b)

Jewel, You just made me miss my truck! Ole' yeller. It was an 1981 GMC. To this day I still kick myself for selling it! It was one of those GMC's that had a "blow-up" factor if it was hit. Aside from that it was the coolest truck I ever owned. After I had my little one, the mother thing kicked in and I no longer felt good about being in it with her. But I sure should have kept it anyway. I miss my Ole yeller! I had a friend tell me once that the cab was a museum because I had so much stuff in it! Bye, Lisa

Baker City, OR(Zone 5b)

This is very good. Everything a thief never wanted in a vehicle. Want a pair of locking pliers? They're always on the window rollup knob? The handle of course is gone, truck came that way.

Efland, NC(Zone 7a)

Mercy me it sounds familiar! Sounds like the truck I learnt to drive it! An old Ford...no driver's side door, no back winder, four-on-the-floor, and a beeutiful rustywhite color. 'Twas also the truck my dog Rhubarb learnt to drive in! He was a smart ol' dog. Part Hoghound, part German Shepard. Had a head the size of a window fan! And a smile bigger'n Preacher Buford's at the annual pie eatin' contest! Yeh boy, that ol Rhubarb (his real name was Reuben but we called him Rhubarb for short), could really drive that truck. And pulled a trailer behind it! Might have the tell ya the whole story sometime. Just like Lisa I miss that ol' truck. Yep. Miss Rhubarb too.

Lyndeborough, NH

Missed #1 reason, I think,

If your not a farmer, odds are you can't stand the smell
inside the cab.


Byron

Stanton, IA(Zone 4b)

I remember the old 67 Ford, may pops for tires, they went flat just looking at them. Too cheap to have a radio installed, transistor radio hanging on the rear view mirror, swinging back and forth. Probably why I always had a cracked windshield. Several sets of mismatched work gloves, the smell of dead armadillas on the chasis. Anybody ever try to steal it would have to run over several sleeping dogs under the truck.

We also had a 52 IH PU, what a truck. It was painted black, had US MALE stenciled in big block letters on both doors. We would drive that into the city, all the girls wanted to ride in that old truck. Great way to meet girls.

Middle, TN(Zone 6b)

Lisa,
I laughed my head off at your discription of Ole' Yeller. We too have a 1981 Chevy truck with that very name. We have kept that truck and my hubby drives it every day. We have always said that he should never do anything wrong while he is driving it as everyone knows that truck. There is no mistaking it. It has the original "yeller" paint job with quite a bit of rust to give it "shabby sheek" character. We bought it from a very good mechanic several years ago and it was in top running condition. This man didn't consider the fact that the outside of the truck looked like heck. It never entered his mind that this truck was anything but perfect. About a year ago we bought a new GMC truck that is just a beauty. "Do we drive it?", you asked. Nope, this is our Sunday truck apparently. It sits in the drive all the time and Ole' Yeller is the truck of choice when a "real man's truck" is needed to run around in. The grandkids love it. They like for their mother to play country music really loud, roll the windows down, and drive around waving at people. The 11 year old boy likes to pretend he is spitting out the window.
One thing caught my eye in your narrative, however. This was the information about the blow up factor. I had never heard that and it might make me reconsider keeping our beloved Ole' Yeller. Could you please take a minute and explain that to me.

Brewers, KY(Zone 6b)

Elena, the blow up factor I was talking about came out about 5 years ago. GMC did have a recall on that model, I got a letter in the mail saying they would give me 500.00 AND let me trade my truck in toward the purchase of a new GMC!!! What a deal (snicker). The gas tank was in the middle of the truck, behind the seat. So said, when the truck was struck from the side it could blow up. Several folks were killed in different areas of the U.S. when they were involved in a wreck and the truck blew up. I don't remember if GMC ever officially acknowledged this. The studies were very controversial. I still wish I would have kept Ole' Yeller. The engine in the truck was replaced right before I bought it. The man dropped a v8 engine in it and it also had a "cam" in it(?) (something to make it high performance and fast, I think) The truck had a special trick to starting it too. Of course there was a bumper sticker...it read "KNOW JESUS, KNOW PEACE...NO JESUS,NO PEACE" . A good friend of mine bought it, I still see Ole' Yeller, kinda' gets me right there...They love the truck too! Even though there is the blow up factor. We were in a wreck in it before the little one was born, hit on the side too, but we were OK. (But I sure jumped out quick, just in case!)Bye, Lisa

Efland, NC(Zone 7a)

My my my...Lisa, Elena...yep for sure...saw on 60 Minutes about the GMC blow up...was a big deal around here in "truck land" (trucks outnumber cars here about two to one). But ya know, it seems some of the ugliest trucks I know have been the best there is, for a while anyway. The absolute most uncomfortable one I ever owned was a Datsun, very old, with a little motor in it like a Singer sewing machine. Had no heater or dee-froster, no back winder, half a bumper, no music, and I really should've worn earplugs once it cranked up. Since I was dollar impaired back then I had to drive slow to save on gas. (Driving slow of course meant more people could see me drive by in that thing.) During the winter, on my 25 mile trip to work in the big city, I splurged and bought some of those 10 cent red hot fireballs, the really big high-dollar ones!. I'd stick one in my mouth and push it to my left cheek, another in there and push it to my right cheek. HEAT!!! And there I go...driving down the Interstate as fast as I could go (that little sewing machine whining right out loud at a top speed of 45 mph), cheeks puffed up like a REAL HAPPY squirrel(!), and my left frostbitten arm working a scraper to keep a small hole open in the ice on the OUTSIDE of the windshield so I could at least see SOME of the road (on my side anyway). People at my job often looked at me strangely for some reason when I walked in. No one said a word tho. I might know why but not sure. Ya see, one day I looked in the bathroom mirror...Staring back at me was this creature that had windblown hair sticking out in all directions, red sticky dribble running down both sides of his mouth, eyes glassed-over like frozen flood lites, and the tips of its' ears were frozen scarlet-red...you'd athought two birds, Cardinals, were sittin' on each ear! Yep. For sure. (They took that mirror down 'bout a week later so I know that creature couldn't have been me...must'a scared some other employees as well!) Anyway, I eventually came out to the better...I sold that $500 truck for $125.

Middle, TN(Zone 6b)

Horseshoe, you are a real mess but you sound like a nice mess. You and Jerry Clower would have probably hit it off great.

Lisa, Thanks for the info. about the truck. I am going to pass that bit of information on to my "fearless" husband. It most likely won't slow him down but it probably will make my daughter choose another mode of travel for herself and her two kids. I am not too fond of the idea of riding in it now myself. Think I will start riding in the newer truck. I would like to live to be a very old lady.
I have had more fun reading the things you Louisiana folks have been writing. I lived in West Monroe for 8 years and "caught my man there". He is from a little town called Forest near Oak Grove in Northeast Louisiana. His father and mother worked at Angola State Correctional facility for many years and both retired at that job. His mother was a switchboard operator and his dad worked the communications radio system that they had there in the 50's and 60's. We spent ALL of our vacations in the PEN for many years. ha! Don't want to do that again though.
I am looking forward to making the pralines that I copied the recipe for. My Louisiana man thinks that is the best candy in the world. I have some pecans left from Christmas baking and will make them right away. I won't be making half a recipe though. We will woof the whole batch down in short order. Thanks again for the info. Elena

Middle, TN(Zone 6b)

Horseshoe, you are a real mess but you sound like a nice mess. You and Jerry Clower would have probably hit it off great.

Lisa, Thanks for the info. about the truck. I am going to pass that bit of information on to my "fearless" husband. It most likely won't slow him down but it probably will make my daughter choose another mode of travel for herself and her two kids. I am not too fond of the idea of riding in it now myself. Think I will start riding in the newer truck. I would like to live to be a very old lady.
I have had more fun reading the things you Louisiana folks have been writing. I lived in West Monroe for 8 years and "caught my man there". He is from a little town called Forest near Oak Grove in Northeast Louisiana. His father and mother worked at Angola State Correctional facility for many years and both retired at that job. His mother was a switchboard operator and his dad worked the communications radio system that they had there in the 50's and 60's. We spent ALL of our vacations in the PEN for many years. ha! Don't want to do that again though.
I am looking forward to making the pralines that I copied the recipe for. My Louisiana man thinks that is the best candy in the world. I have some pecans left from Christmas baking and will make them right away. I won't be making half a recipe though. We will woof the whole batch down in short order. Thanks again for the info. Elena

Saint Helen, MI(Zone 5a)

I drive one of those awesome and super dependable 84 chevy pickups. I drive the bomb, in more ways than one, everywhere. Two important facts about old trucks.
1) everybody gets outta your way cause they know if you hit'em it ain't gonna hurt your truck!
2) If you do get in an accident it's ok. You probably needed some paint there anyway. LOL!

Toston, MT(Zone 4a)

We had an old farm truck that was fondly called "Ol Red".
We had to sweet talk it every time we started it. It seemed to like that. If one cursed it, it'd for sure not start.
It was designated for runs to the dump, and getting hay. It didn't have breaks, so it took two people to drive it. One to drive, and one to hop out and throw a log under the passenger side rear tire until it finally came to a stop. Of course, we'd shift down as far as we could so the truck wouldn't be going that fast when we'd jump out.
Backing up to the dump was a trick because it didn't have a lip on the edge. My brother and mother dropped the back tires in it once. A local with a tractor came and got them out. We had a black lab - St. Bernard cross (King was his name) that would stand up in the back with his front feet on the cab. The faster we went, the faster his lips would flap and the farther back toward his ears the drool would spread. Quite a sight. We nearly wrecked a couple of times from laughing so hard. I too miss "Ol Red and King"

Middle, TN(Zone 6b)

Just noticed that my Jan. 24 message is on the screen twice. Duh! Don't know how that happened. Sorry everyone. Maybe after you have read the first line or two you will realize it is a double print. If you don't realize it, I am glad you got a chance to read it twice. ha!

Milton, FL(Zone 8a)

And how do you know if a Redneck is married?
There is tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup.

Fayette, MO(Zone 6a)

A little about my pick-up. Just got a new carburetor and starter, so look out We're ready to roll again. We got the old girl at a University Auction. It used to be a Missouri Conservation Department Truck. So it's green. It came with a camper shell on the back so we customized it by putting 2x4's on top of the shell with I bolt's and U bolt's to be able to haul canoes. Then off to the river we can go. Now best of all people ask us questions like we work for the Conservation Department. Very funny.
It's an '83 3/4 ton. She's a horse when it comes to hauling something heavy. But now my feelins were a little hurt by that one Red Neck joke a couple of posts ago. Remember the obituary joke? anyhoo, Hubby's name is Bill -- Lots of elderly people still call him Billy. And you know with a handle like Kathy Jo......... Really kinda like bein a redneck though.. it really has some advantages.

Middle, TN(Zone 6b)

Kathy Jo,
We need to come see you guys driving our Ole' Yeller and go canoeing with you guys. (Just kidding, don't panic!) Wouldn't we look cool though? We can roll down the windows of both old trucks and play country music really loud and drive around town first. (It is too dangerous to fly a Confederate flag these days or we could do that too.) We would be quite a pair. No one would "mess with us", I'll be willing to bet! Kind of like when one sees a bunch of "Hell's Angels" coming into a highway rest stop, it is best not to even notice that they are there, huh?
Ellen

Fayette, MO(Zone 6a)

Elena, Actually get more waves around here when we are in the truck. I do play CW music load. How about that Toby Keith? You would be welcome to canoe with us. I can outfit about 12 people with life jackets, paddles, etc... Just trying not to overschedule myself this year. But someday think that would make a fun get-together of some sort. We have some neat rivers in the south part of Missouri. I would need some help hauling the canoes so you would have to help me out. Could Old Yeller and you swing by?

Middle, TN(Zone 6b)

Folks are really friendly when Ole' Yeller goes driving by. Maybe it is because we are smiling and look friendlier. Or maybe it is because people want to get in on the fun. Country music just sounds better coming out of a "real man or woman's truck" than Chopin or some of the masters. ha!
I have never been canoeing in my life. I have floated the Buffalo river here in TN but it was in a flat bottom boat and my kids got the only canoe available. I have been once to whitewater raft the Okooee but only once. I have always wanted to go back but just haven't. We are big time campers and love the out-of-doors. We rustic camp or fancy camp, have a Cabellas tent that hooks on the back of our "better" truck and have a Trailmanor camper that we had to buy a better truck to pull. We are not highfalooting, we just didn't want to breakdown in the mountains somewhere and have to desert our neat new camper somewhere and have someone steal it. Look it up on the web at trailmanor.com. No, I don't work for the company or get a commission. It is just the greatest!!! It is great to pull as it looks like a pop-up but opens up to be like a large type camper. We have the one that has a queen-sized bed on one end and a double one on the other end. We have always had regular pop-ups but decided to go crazy now that we are older and get the Trailmanor. We take the kids and grandkids with us when they want to go and we can outfit quite a large bunch. Now that hubby has retired, 6 months ago, we plan on being outside a lot.
Thanks for the offer to come canoeing. Never know when the urge will hit us. We won't come in Ole" Yeller though. We do our traveling now in our "Sunday Go To Meeting" truck. Old folks don't like to break down and be sitting on the highway in 100 degree temperatures. ha!

Efland, NC(Zone 7a)

Mercy! Ya'll are talking my language now! Love camping, love canoeing! You should see my DD (7 yrs old) in the front of a canoe pulling in a limbline with a catfish on it! She's been doing that since she was 5. And the smile on her face outshines the grin of a Chessy cat eatin' briars! (KJo, you got a deal on that truck! I'm jealous.)

Fayette, MO(Zone 6a)

Elena, the camper shell IS high falootin for us. After years in a small tent we felt right up town! Your camper sounds really really neat! Hubby is always the put-in take-out guy. He will have supper waiting in camp when we arrive back . Pretty good cook too. That puts me always looking for a partner. Someone that doesn't mind being in front -- I have to have control. Have been stuck with a dog all the coolers and dragging an extra canoe when some teenagers had to get out at an early take-out. You really get to know what people are made of on an outing like that. I have always wanted to do a 5 or 6 day float, a retirement plan I think. Don't have a Sunday gotomeetin' truck either so the green meanie would be there in all her glory. Leaflady was looking for where we were parked at work one day -- (some big plant trading goin down) couldn't believe I guess that we drive to work in a little car. In 100 degree weather the best place on this earth to be is on a spring fed river ready at any second to jump in and cool off (regardless of your age).
Hshoe -- luv catfish.......

Tabor, SD(Zone 4b)

You guys are making me miss my "Old Yeller" except I called it "Mellow Yellow". It was a '78 Blazer and never let me down. I had to quit driving it because the steering was so bad, no mufflers, no window handles, the 4x4 didn't work, the tires kept going flat, the bed was so rusty you could see above the tires all the way through, the luggage rack leaked, the back window wouldn't roll up, just to mention a few things. DS even took it to college last year because he didn't want to get his car rusty from the salt that they use on the snow. He was stopped by a highway patrolman who couldn't believe that he drove it 100 miles and could still hear anything. Now that it's permanently parked, the little vulture is taking parts off it for his '77 pickup. (DS, not the HP) LOL That vehicle gave us almost 300,000 miles before it died.

Vashon, WA(Zone 8a)

Hilarious. My little Farm Truck for a little Farm is a Ford Courier but the rust...er ah..rest is the same!

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