Clean and Clutter-free: removing a deceased spouse's clothing

Forum: Clean and Clutter-free Replies: 15, Views: 518 Print -

Author Content ghostlady Oklahoma City, OK March 17, 2007 6:23 AM Post #3291095 I too have (in the last 1 1/2 years) become 'cluttered'. I need space! I love my home, don't want to move, and finally have come out of the fog of my husband dying after only 4 days of Pneumonia. Now, I realize I need to move his clothes out, let someone else enjoy them. BUT he was such a good, loving man I don't want to see them in the gutter on a drunk, and what do I do with his very good, but worn a few times underclothes, satin lounge robes, etc? I have donated a few pairs of his summer shorts to a good friend of his that could use them and the 2 tuxs to a family that have 2 really good teenage boys in drama, but I still have a huge amount of shirts, pants, more worn shorts, underclothes, 10 prs of all same socks (black), etc. I don't want to sell them in a garage sale, but I really do need the money because he was an Art Professor (retired) and had no life ins. and I didn't get any of is retirement. I am a seamstress, 78 years old in pretty good health, and have thought of converting one of his suits to a suit with a skirt for myself. Ladies did that during WW II. I am overwhelmed, begin projects for my art studio, leave them around the house 1/2 done. Any suggestions to help me through this first 'what to do with the clothes' problem would be appreciated. ghostlady tcs1366 Itasca, IL (Zone 5a) March 17, 2007 7:03 AM Post #3291238 what about a "consignment shop" ? They tend to have a lot of "nicer" clothing. as for undergarments, i have no idea if they would take them. and I guess if you "donated" you'd only get a tax form, not cash for them. hopefully someone else will be of more help. Sorry for your loss... I know when my FIL passed, my MIL just bagged it all up and donated it. But i dont think he had really nice stuff. ecrane3 Dublin, CA (Zone 9a) March 17, 2007 7:11 AM Post #3291262 I love the idea of trying to turn some of his clothes into things for you--that can be a great way to make use of them and think of the sentimental value that clothing will have for you. But for things that you do want to get out of the house, if you are OK with selling them and the clothes are in good condition you could try selling them at a second hand clothing store--they will take things on consignment and when they sell you get a percentage of the selling price. You won't make a ton of money, but it doesn't take much effort to do this. They won't take things unless they're in good condition though, so things that have been worn a lot you'll have to go the garage sale route (if you want to make any $$ off them) or donate them to charity (for every drunk in the gutter, there are probably at least 100 very deserving people who could really benefit from your husband's clothing...no guarantees on who will end up with it of course but more than likely it'll go to someone who really needs it and will really appreciate it so I think you could feel good about this option). But whatever you do, take your time, you've been through something really tough and it's great to hear that you're feeling better, do little bits at a time rather than feeling like you've got to do everything at once. rubyw Crozet, VA March 19, 2007 2:41 AM Post #3297023 Hmmmmmmm, just realized that I responded to this post yesterday and it iisn't here this morning. Wonder if I over stepped the boundaries/guidelines for posting. Hmmmm...can't recall what I said yesterday. So, I will try again. Ghostlady, I would try advertising them in a free classifieds ads paper. I recently purchased a whole wardrobe of maternity clothes for my daughter in law who is expecting our grand daughter soon. Anyway, the ad that I found and was glad to have, had short descriptions of the items along with the sizes and had set a price of $100.00. I would be willing to bet that if you set a reasonable enough price, you will make some other man very happy. It sounds as though this is really nice stuff. Good luck to you. And...I also wanted to mention that I am sorry for your unexpected loss. Try not to be too hard on yourself for the things that are not getting done. You are working through a grief process and it takes some time before you are able to heal from the trauma. Let us know what you decide to do and have a good day today. Ribu lourspolaire Lauderhill,, FL (Zone 10b) March 19, 2007 3:04 AM Post #3297042 Giving away a loved one's personal clothing: heart wrenching job if ever there was one. When my mom died nearly 20 years ago, we called in a charity organization that descended upon her apartment like a flight of locusts and cleaned out everything. Of course, we had removed the few belongings she wanted to pass along to us beforehand. They were under strict orders to show us anything that may have been hidden. That's how a box of ancient family pictures surfaced, under a stack of board games at the far end of a shelf in a badly designed closet. They came prepared with wardrobe boxes, hand carts, helpers and a large truck. On that day, they had 4 other places to visit, doing His work. All told, these six ladies and three guys only needed about 45 minutes and everything was gone: clothes, pots & pans, curtains, area rugs, books, everything. As far as who wears what once it leaves your house, I would say that it is understandable but irrelevent. Losing a loved one is hard enough on those who stay behind without sweating the small stuff on top of that. Your husband now lives in your heart and memory. One never really dies until noone is left to remembers him. Then, we're only letters and dates on a marble slab. Much as you had to let him go when his time came, you have to let his stuff go. Speaking for myself, I couldn't have had a garage sale and sold away my mom's things piece by piece for a few coins. In my mind, that would have demeaned her. My mother was a charitable person who would have given the clothes off her back. And in the end, I did it for her. I bid you courage and inner peace. Sylvain. Bettypauze Victoria Harbour, ON (Zone 5b) March 22, 2007 8:33 AM Post #3308623 I would say each individual must deal with what's best for them...my DH passed away after being ill a short time as well and at an age of 47...great wardrobe with a lot of newly purchased clothing...I called his brother who had similar build and thought it would be wonderful that the clothing would be put to good use...Several months went by and we had a family wedding, when asked to dance by my BIL all I could see and smell was my beloved 'Roger'...I couldn't stop crying...soooo Robert ended up giving all the clothing to goodwill...be brave, cry some but more importantly, do what you feel... dwerland Nipomo, CA (Zone 8a) March 25, 2007 4:41 PM Post #3320027 I am so very sorry for your loss. ** I would take his nicer things to a consignment shop. ** love the idea of making yourself a suit out of one of his. It would be like wearing a hug from him all day. **As you are a seamstress, how about making little items out of the fabric of those clothes and selling them. For example, those little sweet smelling sachets for hanging in a closet or in a drawer. Another item, is a rice sack or rice pillow. Just fabric filled with rice, that is warmed in the microwave and used as a heating pad for sore tired muscles. A friend of mine bought one on ebay for $12.00. I think hers was filled with corn not rice. You can make hot pads for setting hot pots on the table. I am sure you will think of some more ideas as the blinding pain starts to fade and you are able to concentrate better. Blessing to you, Dayna flowerjen central, NJ (Zone 6b) March 29, 2007 11:21 AM Post #3333272 Sorry for your loss, If you need to make $ off the clothes, sell it on ebay or if you don't have an account maybe a friend or relative has one that can sell them for you, next would be a consignment shop. gloria125 Greensboro, AL April 30, 2007 2:44 PM Post #3448473 The Oprah show today was about a family who had lost their little boy to leukemia, and could not come to terms with disposing of his things. Sounds to me like you may have a bit of depression, which can make it hard to make decisions and create disorganization in an otherwise organized person. Do you have friends or family or maybe a therapist you can talk through things with? Such a hard adjustment to make to lose a life long friend. ButterflyChaser Northeast, AR (Zone 7a) May 5, 2007 2:14 PM Post #3466381 Letting go of your husband's things could be very hard to do. You may wish to do it in stages. Give away/sell a few now, a few in another month or two, and more later. Go at your own pace. There's no hard and fast rule that says you must get rid of every reminder of him right now, this minute. So take your time. It may be impossible today to give up certain items, so don't. Clothing really doesn't sell well and it's often more hassle to try to sell it than it's worth. You probably won't get much at all at a yard sale, even if it's name brand stuff. A consignment shop might be do better, but many don't take men's clothes because most men do not shop consignment stores. Ebay is probably your best bet for selling the clothing. But then you have to ship it. Clothing sells better in "lots" rather than as individual items. So you might try selling 5 shirts as a "lot" or something like that. Or you might check [HYPERLINK@www.craigslist.org] (make sure to put the S in craigslist or you'll end up on a site you don't wanna see!!). Check their site for a local forum near your location. They have forums for many cities across the country. You can list your stuff there for free and even add pictures of some of the items for free. Then people in your area can contact you about buying the stuff. You might even list the entire lot for a certain price. When the day actually comes to let his clothing go, I imagine it will be very difficult. You may want to box up what you can part with now and set it aside. When someone does come to take it, do NOT look at it again. If the customer wants to see the clothing before buying, leave the room and tell him to let you know when he's reboxed it. Since you sew, have you considered making quilts of some of his clothes. You could even embroider some facts of his life on some of the quilt squares. Perhaps he bowled his best game in one shirt, and you could note that on that fabric piece. Or maybe he won a golf tournament in a pair of pants and you could note that on that fabric. You could create a Life's Memories quilt with his own clothing. You could also have pictures of him as well as yourself photocopied and transferred to some of the fabric. It would be especially wonderful if you could find pictures of him in those certain clothes that make up the quilt and transfer those photos to those particular fabric swatches. You might even include some of your own clothing--some with sentimental value that you've kept in the cedar chest. And make the whole quilt a "scrapbook" of the lives of you both. You could make the quilt fun and funny and sentimental. Wouldn't your children love to inherit that? It would be an heirloom piece for sure! After my son was born, it was hard for me to give up my favorite maternity clothes. So I made a quilt out of them. To line the quilt, I used my son's baby blankets when he outgrew them. I will now pass the quilt on to my grandson who was born just two months ago. Good luck with your endeavor. I hope you have some moral support there to help you part with it. NancyAnn MissTexasKitty Canton, TX May 14, 2007 1:00 AM Post #3495160 Mrs GhostLady, How hard this must be for you. I think making something fo you to wear from your husband's wardrobe is an excellent idea. Have you thought about making a quilt also? Or some token for each member of your family who loved your husband - that would be so nice! Everybody is right about the re-ability of men's clothing on ebay or consignment shops, not usualy worth the work. If you did want to give away some of his nicest clothes, I'd call one of the homeless shelters, and ask who helps men get back on thier feet and might need a new suit of clothes - we have something similar for women here in Dallas. It's called Dressed for Sucess. I'd donate the undewear, as most homeless shelter's only want new...But socks they might be able to use, and shoes... Please what ever you do, if you do give it to some "drunk" on the street, remember the essence of the man that wore it with pride, and love for you, and maybe the spirit of that love with show up in another's life! heebiejeebie Buffalo, NY June 5, 2007 11:15 PM Post #3580881 Have you considered donating them to a theatre? gordo Gulfport, FL (Zone 9b) August 11, 2007 1:30 AM Post #3843458 Hospice has consignment shops. Clothing goes to worthy recipients. Hospice benefits from the sale, and you get a tax write off which can add to income you may keep after taxes. Everybody wins. NorthCoastGirl Girard, OH August 11, 2007 7:57 AM Post #3843726 I can't really add anything constructive to this thread, as there are a ton of good ideas already. But I can offer my condolences and tell you that, after 8 months, my parents still haven't cleared out my brother's clothes. They're just not ready yet. So.. it's perfectly ok to take your time and go slowly. mauryhillfarm Vashon, WA (Zone 8b) December 16, 2007 12:07 AM Post #4299376 I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand how hard it can be to part with the things that remind you of times together, so take your time and just give away or sell things as you are ready. There are so many good ideas people have put forth, I have just one to add. When my father passed away, I gave his white shirts and black pants to the High School band teacher for students who needed dress clothes for their concerts. Unfortunately, my own son who is in the band is too tall to wear his grandpa's clothes. cathy4 St. Louis County, MO (Zone 5a) January 2, 2008 12:55 PM Post #4351628 There is one place that hasn't been mentioned. When my dear Mother-in-Law passed away, we, too, had a hard time giving her things away. A lovely woman at church suggested the local nursing homes. There are several near here that have people who never get visitors or new things. They gave us a first name for a few of the people who could use her nice outfits. We wrapped them in pretty tissue paper, and visited. My husband was so happy that his Mom's things went to lovely older ladies who had very little to make them feel pretty. Gentle Hugs, Cathy4

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