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What a hoot, I love your article and can certainly relate. Although I usually use plain old water to kill mine, the coffee grinds are too valuable for my compost bin!
You may just be trying too hard. That's what my kids tell me about the fact that if I baby-sit, the baby and I will both have diaper rash in 30 minutes. My house plant, the same variety as yours and I have a years-long understanding. It thrives on benign neglect, as do I. I once had a kitchen that was 12'x24'. I placed my plant on a shelf against the winowless wall. When it started hanging down too much I put up a cup hook to support it. In 3 years we (the plant and I) had covered the ceiling and 3 walls of my kitchen. When I had to paint, my step-son and my DH simply waited until I was out, and pulled it all down and murdered it. Broke my heart. Made my plant mad at me too, and no other like it would survive in my care for years. When my son was 40, he finally told me that my plant used to hang down in the doorway of his bedroom and give him nightmares. My plant and I are back to normal now. My whole house is only 24' long now, and that whole wall is covered with my plant. We are one. We are happy. His name is Clyde. I give him about a half gallon of water every 2 weeks or so, and he gives me unlimited pleasure.
Oh boy ! I can relate. But, I moved into a new house that is so light and bright that I hope to turn over a new leaf.(sorry about that.)
I was given a gorgeous Bromeliad as a house-warming gift at the beginning of September and it still has a proud but faded magnificent flower. It also has produced a pup which I intend to sever. I have become such a fan of this species that I plan to begin a modest collection. Question. Do bromeliads take a specific type of potting soil? I can't seem to find a definitive answer.
I too feel regret over the many, many houseplants that have been cruelly slaughtered by the vicious cycle of abuse and neglect that I call "keeping houseplants".
It's gotten to the point that now, when I'm in a store, considering the purchase of one of these poor souls, I fix them with a steely stare and warn them, harshly, of their possible fate in my hands. If they appear to shrink back or wither slightly, or shiver as though from an unseen breeze, I give a hollow laugh and pass on. If they should simply stare back in a challenging manner, then I feel they may possibly be hardy enough to attempt to survive in my den of houseplant horror, and I make my purchase before the brave plant can change its mind.
I wonder why people look at me funny at the plant store...?
: )
Charming article.!!!!!! Maybe that is what we all need to do, put little blue signs up with will work for water on them. Mayeb they wouldn't be forgotten as much.
Sorry ya lost the love of yoru life there, but hopefully soon another sweet thign wil catch your eye, wave its leaves and say take me home.
