Thanks for a good laugh! mate...having been known to wave axes at stubborn plants in the past, the episode of tree battering to induce flowering was priceless . These days I just sing to them and they flower in self defence!
A wonderful, wonderful article, Victor. The scene of that man beating the lifeless tree with a baseball bat has been printed indelibly in my mind. I resent it when my plants die for no good reason, so the idea is ludicrous and appalling, yet oddly satisfying too.
One aster just wasn't happy where I wanted it to grow so I moved it and still it wouldn't bloom but the third time was the charm and then it took over the entire area and ran wild. Then there are the lilies I planted in full sun only to have that little sapling take off and create a shade garden.
Ho ho ha ha hee hee, Victor, the title was not enticing, Gardener/Masochist? Certainly not me!, thought I, but then I saw our well-known humor columnist's by-line and decided to keep reading. Good thing, because I recognized myself over and over. Well, let's say I recognized the previous owners/builders of my house in the 1950's. They were already old and in a hurry; everything, in terms of landscaping, was planted too close to the foundation. Of course, everything they planted soon outgrew its appointed spot, whatever it was. Those cute little burning bushes they planted all along the house and garage are now HUGE and neither cute nor little; in fact, unlike the dwarf burning bush cultivar, ordinary burning bush is now a noxious weed in Massachusetts. Anyway, an enjoyable as well as thought-provoking article, and I thank you. x, Carrie
Ahh, Victor. You scored again.
I had instant success after the third replant of my first Japanese Maple. Having accomplished that, I knew I would have instant success with my second JM. It had a lovely first year. I waited attentively for it's second year, and finally after doing the scratch/ bark test and waiting well into its third year, I even called my nursery guy who pronounced it "well and truly" dead.
I now have another one in its place...in its same place. We'll see how its second year plays out.
A great read, as always, thank you.
Ha, ha! This explains why I spent several, miserable hours digging up day lilies and red hot poker plants to thin them but then left the rest planted in the same place so I can enjoy digging them up another time, soon.
I had a good laugh at the baseball bat incident as well. Great imagery it conjures up !
I have one of those horrible fruitless Mulberry tree's in my garden, which the brown leaves hang on to for months, so I go out with a pressure nozzle to blow them off and my neighbors are ready to have me committed.
The article was a riot,but I have to ask,you know of a 12 step for us? I have done all but the bat... and can't even go near a nursery or anywhere that sells plants without buying at least one.Glad to know it's not just me,thanks for the laughs. Becki