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60° F: Arizonans shiver uncontrollably; people in Chicago sunbathe.
50° F: New Yorkers try to turn on the heat; people in Chicago plant gardens.
40° F: Italian & English cars won't start; people in Chicago drive with the windows down.
32° F: Distilled water freezes; Lake Michigan 's water gets thicker.
20° F: Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves and wool hats; people in Chicago throw on a flannel shirt.
15° F: New York landlords finally turn up the heat; people in Chicago have the last cookout before it gets cold.
0° F: All the people in Phoenix die. Chicagoans close the windows.
10° below zero: Californians fly away to Mexico . The Girl Scouts in Chicago are selling cookies door to door.
25° below zero: Hollywood disintegrates; people in Chicago get out their winter coats.
40° below zero: Washington DC runs out of hot air; people in Chicago let the do gs sleep indoors.
100° below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Chicagoans get frustrated because they can't start 'da car.'
460° below zero: All atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin s cale); people in Chicago start saying, 'cold 'nuff for ya?'
500° below zero: Hell freezes over. The Cubs win the World Series
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