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Caregivers: I feel guilty, I resent caring for my mother

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Forum: CaregiversReplies: 118, Views: 928
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dovey
Columbus, OH
(Zone 5b)

February 22, 2009
9:21 PM

Post #6174753

I just gotta get a grip on this.
I don't know what to do with my emotions, I don't know when I have felt so much anger over such a long period of time.

Mom came to live with us about 18 months ago. I need some place (besides my husband) to vent my frustrations.
I try not to be negative, but some days I think the strongest force of the day is negative emotions having to do with my mother.

She is 80 and had a stroke about 2 years ago, she has recovered beautifully and has as much mobility as most people her age. Although she does have some balance issues, walks with a cane and has some diminished strength on her left side. (Luckily she is right handed)
When in physical therapy they asked her if she could cook her own meals her reply was "yes, but I don't have too". Like a spoiled child, that was the typical response towards household tasks and other duties as well.

She pouts when I ask her to do anything for herself and sighs heavily when I pass by.
Just to let me know how difficult her existence is when I don't attend to her needs.

(like this morning)
She wanted me to fix and serve her breakfast, I'm didn't, I was at the computer ignoring the fact that she was opening and slamming cupboard doors, slamming dishes and fixing herself a bowl of cereal. She could fry an egg, make some toast, but that's too much work... something she expects me to do for her.

Now to a degree, I created this monster.
When she arrived her diabetes was not under control despite medication, on a daily basis her blood glucose levels were totally off the chart, ranging anywhere from 250 to 360. Her diabetes and blood sugar level was the most urgent health issue, I began to work on her diet. I cooked her three healthy, balanced meals everyday, I made sure she had a small snack mid-morning and mid-afternoon. In the mean time the doctor continued to adjust her meds. It took 6 months and a team effort to get her glucose levels out of the danger zone.

Now she knows what to do, she is a living example of how important diet is. My husband and I make sure she has healthy homemade meals, during the day all she has to do is get off her butt and warm them up.
She does not. She expects me to do it.

She is passive resistive and passive aggressive and it there is such a thing she is also passive vindictive.
She treats me like her servant, she treats my husband only slightly better, she has the manners of a (rude) 8 year old, she does nothing but read, watch TV and wait for one of us to serve her meals.

I wish she cared about something other than herself.

Dove

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