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I am requesting that this letter to the newspaper remain anonymous due to the fact that I am a now an unrepentant killer.
I awake in the mornings now with glee in my heart and the knowledge that I have gotten away with these murders! I am very proud! Oh Happy Day!
For many years, I was just your normal, average plodding citizen. I avoided bad language and confrontations. I bypassed the aisles of poison in the supermarket in the dull apathy of the righteous. No longer! I run, yes, I run to the poison aisles knowing that I am not in the least bit standing out by buying these deathly chemicals.
1.
Happily, I load up my cart, whistling zip over to the plastic bottle aisle and with carefree abandon, pay for my purchases with a personal check. Who will care? Who will have the passion to hunt me down as I do my dastardly deeds? I say no one! That’s the beauty of my plot! Do it out in the open!
On the way home, I stop for a tank of gas and see a friend out for a walk on the local street. I wave to her, knowing that she has no idea that she is waving to a assassin. I am anxious already to get home, it has been too long since I last blithely killed. I am having the desire to mix my potion and get down to business. I have a victim in mind and they are unaware that their time on this planet is severely limited.
At last, at home, I get down to business. I mix in a large bucket, the poison and water and delightedly recognize the powerful and noxious fumes emanating from this seething trough of annihilation. It is still a carefree day for me, I can tell you that! Lugging the bucket out to the backyard, I carefully place it down, gently gently so none of the liquids spill, and turn to face my trussed and tied victim. They are silent. The wind is still, the sun is overhead now, the pinnacle of height over my action. I can feel the sitting ducks anguish, unspoken cries of futile agony, its crushing desire to be free. Too late I think. Its too late! But my mind and knowlege know better, its never too late!
2
With aplomb, and a vacant attitude, I begin to dip a cup into the roiling concoction; I am flagrantly unconcerned with the possibility of it getting on my skin, stupid dumb I know, but at this point, with the imminent satisfaction of providing the elixir of death to my immobilized prey,
3
I begin to pour.
The liquid flows out of the cup, in a clear sparkling twining river of death. There is no stopping it now. I am watching the way it turns and ripples and hits the mark. Success! I am in for it now! No turning back, no retreat from this madness. I, for a moment, glance around, but there is no one watching from shifty curtains, moving cars...I am safe, secure in my openness and visibility. Who would suspect that I am a killer? Dear sweet me, always with a smile, a happy word to my friends? If they only knew what lurks behind the facade of guileless facial expression. If they could only see the workings of my unrelenting mind!
With my deed done, I sit back on a chair, and watch my victim, who has to gulp the liquid, there is no alternative. They cannot get away or avoid taking in the poison! There is no choice! They are bound feet and arms, their silent mouth open to the ingestion of this noxious murderous fast potion of passion. With one last lingering look, I watch the final silvery glimpses of the liquid disappear down into my preys maws and I am replete with a job well done. I don't have any guilt. None. When, I wonder, will feel the need to repeat this murder again and again? With joy, I realize that I can do this again in two weeks.
4
Without a care in the world, and feeling just so great, I walk back to the house with my bucket, emptied now, and plan on my rest of the day. The victim will dissolve into the soil and never leave a mark of their ever being there in the first place! Ha! I cannot wait till next year, and the next, when my criminality can be unleashed again. I am perfection! That’s me-the organizer and the planner!
For so many years, I denied my passions! I disavowed the possibility of allowing a dark side of me to exist. I only lived for the short durations of flush and happy times, the possibility of such vivid color that I could not take my eyes from life. But, no longer. My victims have become my life, my expectations of them and their fragile beauty and my time spent with them, all encompassing. I am taken by a tide of unrelenting passion and all my moments are spent thinking about them. I have given myself to them and they, to me. Our symbiotic relationship is now tied forever more, in these twines of rope and wire, death and destruction. I love my innocent victims!
5
With calm mind, I casually return to the mark, and take picture after picture, mindful of the sun behind me now, and rush into the house to download them onto the computer where I crop, Photoshop the extraneous out and joyfully post them onto the group of mass murderers that I belong to. Death, they cry. They cry death death death!
Death to all Japanese beetles and their disgusting lives of destroying the fleeting beauty of our short blooming lives of roses. Death to their children! Death to their parents and their aunts and uncles. Death to all of them! I am so fulfilled, so full of expectation and joy, that I am basking in the words of congratulation on the application of the lethal poisons that work underground to kill all the bugs and then continue to be taken up by my beautiful roses, and further kill off any missed beetle who dares to even nibble one of its fragile gorgeous petals. My roses have soared to heights never before seen by me. My poor dears have suffered so many years... never again! Their happiness is my only care in the world. And, for that, I delightedly will kill, and kill and kill.
6
Footnotes and Sources of Poisonous Pictures:July 2008;Permissions with cookies.
I am so ADHD that I can't type fast enough to keep up with myself. I dig a hole, go to get a plant and feed the cats. I want to prune my cherry trees and wind up painting a chicken and egg sign. I sew wedding gowns and tonight took an order for 6 alterations for Saturday. Thats me!
Posted by sahaberman (from Nashua, NH) on August 5, 2008 at 7:20 AM:
I can so relate to the ADHD, one never sits still and does at least 3 things at once. I do wish I could sometimes complete more as many longer lasting projects still wait to be finished (e.g. knitting, crocheting, painting) but the work with the plants gets done. The article was a masterpiece and delightful in so many ways, do continue -- writing and planting.
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Posted by WigglyPaw (from Hastings, MI) on August 10, 2008 at 12:16 AM:
My DH does many jobs too, that never get "done". LOL. So far, in our new house,
we have a non functioning master bathtub, now the master shower is non functioning,
and the library is non usable, he is building shelves in there. The bathtub deveoped a
leak in the pipe below, and the shower leaked up by the sprayer, so all the gizzards
came out and now we have a big hole in the wall up there, and no shower.
The washer broke this week, so you know what? LOL...I painted a sign, and he hung
it up with fencing wire, which blew down in the first breeze...guess what?
We took down the hot water heater and furnace to the basement, now there is a
giant hole in the ceiling, and the floor has a piece of metal in it to cover up the hole.
Stunning.
You know what? I love him! LOL
Sher
I love to sew and knit too. I also paint I love watercolours. I go to college online at
Academy of Art University and so far I have a 4.0 average! Amazing. I love roses
and evergreens the best. Its hard to grow anything here in the Midwest, the climate
is extremely harsh. You are lucky where you are, the moist and temperate North East.
Don't knock it! You can add your zone under your name and city and state too you know.
I went from a zone 7 in Long Island NY to a zone 5 here in Michigan. Talk about shock!
If I could get some trees to live long enough, we could have a windbreak, but most of
them die. sigh.
Regards,
and thank you for writing me. I appreciate your comments!
sheri
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Subject: scared
Posted by reif (from Waupun, WI) on July 29, 2008 at 10:24 AM:
Just read your wonderful article. Never been bothered by JB but last night I found one. I'm sure there are more. I want to be prepared. My friend I work with went home one evening and found her Rose of Sharon bush stripped. I checked all (5) over didn't find another. They are getting buds and don't want to go home to a surprise. The neem oil I have but have no directions as to how much water to mix with the concentrate does anyone know?
thanks
...
Posted by WigglyPaw (from Hastings, MI) on August 1, 2008 at 9:02 AM:
I dont know anything about neem oil.
on my roses I use the systemic poison, to deter the jb from
eating the buds too. it seems that the bugs will concentrate
on one flower, before moving onto another. of course,
there are exceptions, as when you have a million JB.
do to your cold weather this year, I would say that the Jb concentration
is really late in appearing. so was ours here in Michigan.
call your extension agent and ask how to mix the neem oil.
sheri
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Subject: ADHD
Posted by GrandBob (from Wichita, KS) on July 28, 2008 at 11:50 PM:
ADHD. Oh my God! I think I have it too. This sounds Just like Me! I've had it all my life - and just never knew it. I always have a million projects going at one time. Well, at least 10 or 12. Sometimes I ever get a few finished. Like the beautiful Victorian Garden Fence I planned over the winter and just finished this summer - after planting the garden it was to enclose. Is there any cure for me at this late stage??? I'm only 65. My wife who is only 64 and has been trying to get me to slow down since she met me at 15. Is there Any hope at all ?
PS: By the way, what does ADHD mean?
Bob
GrandBobsGarden.blogspot.com
another project...
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Posted by WigglyPaw (from Hastings, MI) on August 1, 2008 at 8:59 AM:
foflmao
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
Lots of artist have this too
I am considering going to doctor, when I come back from NY
where I have two daughters getting married two weeks apart.
I am sewing my gown and my daughters gown for the
wedding. actually, i will be sewing two gowns. LOLOL
You see, if I didn't have adhd, then I never would attempt this,
nor would I think that it could be done. I never assume it
(any job in the universe) can't be done. just ask me and I
will do it.
my dh has this too. doctors can try a number of drugs
to help focusing. I am back in college, and could use some
help focusing. there is simple questionnaire to help
determine the probability of adhd. some folks dont have
the h in the adhd, just ADD. My son is also adhd. and most
of my kids, and my neice and nephew and their children.
its most definitely inherited. (insanity-genetically inherited
disease, you get it from your children).
regards,
sheri
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Subject: kill their children too!
Posted by justdigin (from Merced, CA) on July 28, 2008 at 10:19 PM:
Too much fun! Hey, I heard that the japanese beetle lay eggs in lawn or soil, and so to get control, wouldn't you need to kill them in the larval stage? Which means more chemicals on your lawn, but it might be worth it. Has anyone tried something which killed them before they became adults? It is so irritating that they can fly around, even tho they are slow enough to catch. You just can't be out there catching them all the time and they end up chewing up a bunch. So, I think this year, we are going to use insecticide on the lawn in the fall and spring, and try to kill them before they can even develop.
I am curious about the Neem Oil. Is there a certain time you spray that on, or just when you see the beetles? I have never used that....any advice would be welcome, as I would love to use less toxic things wherever possible.
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Posted by WigglyPaw (from Hastings, MI) on August 1, 2008 at 8:52 AM:
I don't know about neem oil .I will research that. We had used milky spore one year, and to do our
lawn was almost $200, you are supposed to do that a few times a season, and a few years in
a row. Yeah, sure. we never did it again. that one treatment did seem to help somewhat in cutting
down the multitudes. some folks use grub ex, I am not sure what that is either.
we are on a farm, and everything we put on the ground, goes into our water table, which we drink.
so, i called ortho chemical about the systemic. if you follow the direction, and put it on a
dry day, and not overwater the plants, the cupful of mixture will pretty much be taken up entirely
by the plants roots and feeder roots.
good luck
dont use jb collection bags. they just fill up with all the neighborhood jb that come to your house
because of the collection bags attractant smell.
sher
maybe, put them over in your neighbors back yard! LOL
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Subject: Nasty Japanese Beetles!!
Posted by JuanaWonder (from Indianapolis, IN) on July 28, 2008 at 7:12 PM:
Oh, Sheri, your words were taken right out of my mouth. You missed a few, though. Maybe Dave just wouldn't permit those words to be printed. I was given a weeping cherry tree as a gift. Besides the tree, I got millions of japanese beetles! I had the most beautiful, huge, white hibiscus that, until the tree moved in, had never been bothered by the hideous beetles. I sprayed, powdered, picked, bagged, cussed and cried at those nasty things. It broke my heart to see all the white blooms being destroyed no matter what I did. The majority of my gardens were perennials and herbs. I had never had any insect problems like this before. ...and I never will again. I finally solved my problem. I MOVED!
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Posted by WigglyPaw (from Hastings, MI) on August 1, 2008 at 8:47 AM:
where were you with the bugs? did you move down the street, or to a different planet?
IN is the hotbed of JB, its only a matter of time till they are alerted your new address.
Its like Junk Mail, they will find you.
sheri
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Posted by JuanaWonder (from Indianapolis, IN) on September 8, 2008 at 7:28 PM:
Dear Sheri, Sorry it took so long to get back to your post. I stayed in Indiana. I moved about 50 miles away. I moved to an established neighborhood but my home had very little landscaping. SO, I am doing everything I can as I plan my yard to stay away from anything that will attract those nasty critters. This is my second summer here and I have only seen ONE japanese beetle!!! I put it on trial, found it guilty and executed it in about 10 seconds. Take care. Juanawonder Jane
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Posted by WigglyPaw (from Hastings, MI) on September 13, 2008 at 1:56 AM:
Hi Jane
Perfect allusion!
Found it guilty, tried and executed in about 10 seconds.
LOL.
Bugs, blech.
Sher
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Subject: Beautiful story!!!
Posted by Shellsort (from Orlando, FL) on July 28, 2008 at 2:57 PM:
This was very well done. Thanks so much for sharing :)
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Subject: Die vile beetles!!
Posted by meezersfive (from waukesha, WI) on July 28, 2008 at 9:07 AM:
I distinctly remember the first time I saw one. I thought, "What a pretty beetle!!" I soon became familiar with it's mode of destruction and wanton disregard for who might be watching their mating rituals. Hideous, disgusting creatures. I, too have long opposed chemical controls for my garden villains, but JB's pushed me right over the edge. I've used systemics, and such, but I have to admit my favorite approach is hands on, coffee can full of soapy water with a dash of poison added, and I freely admit to cackling out loud as they fall to their death. Kudos to you, keep up your murderous massacre, you have my full support!
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Subject: Too funny!
Posted by tntalarcon (from Diamond, OH) on July 28, 2008 at 8:16 AM:
I thought it was just me. I cuss like a sailor every time I get my hands on one of those evil beasts and thoroughly delight in smooshing them and stomping on them and killing them dead. My beautiful roses destroyed by those disgusting things. I am still organic, but I can understand wanting to use anything to kill them. Great article!
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Subject: A wonderful Testament of True Love
Posted by wabzy (from Islip, NY) on July 28, 2008 at 6:49 AM:
I share Sheri Williams feelings, avoiding poisons so diligently, but all of a sudden a blast of black spot hits and noble notions go out the window as fast as the rose leaves are falling! Sheri, do not fear! We are all out here. We mean no harm and try so hard to keep things "natural" but then are betayed by bug or disease and become so incensed at the callous disregard for our hard work that we snap and to what we have to do.
I have separated my herbs and vegetables from my roses and other flowers and i now just do what I have to do. I have few insect problems but I have to watch out for the insidious Black Death...black spot. I am winning this year!
Sheri, I enjoyed your article no end and will think of you everytime I treat might plants! Please write more often! You are a most clever writer of a gem to be read again and again! Thank you for a wonderful lift!
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Subject: So... Just curious...
Posted by BennysPlace (from Tucson, AZ) on July 26, 2008 at 12:05 AM:
I pray I'm not being thick or perhaps missed something but what did you kill them with??
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Posted by WigglyPaw (from Hastings, MI) on July 26, 2008 at 5:49 PM:
A very thick viscous dangerous wicked witches potion of eye of
newts and toothpaste and weird bottled waters from the supermarket.
All in all, I was forced to use Systemic Bug Killer from Ortho. Not
a natural potion, but I have been so devestated since 2003 by the
JB that I finally tried this. It worked. There are a few diehard beetles,
but this year, I have actually seen some blossoms on my roses.
I was not ready to give up the ship to the bugs.
Thank you so very much for commenting on my article.
I truly appreciate all forms of life talking to me.
Regards,
sheri
...
Posted by BennysPlace (from Tucson, AZ) on July 26, 2008 at 5:56 PM:
Hi Sheri,
Smiles. As I read your article, I thought for sure you were building up to some sort of Halloween type plant or something to do with Halloween. It was well written I have to say. I found myself wanting to read quickly to see A) What the enemy was and B) what you did to them.
I have never (thankfully) heard of Japanese beetles. But after reading the article I looked it up. Bugger of a bug! They have no natural predators here which is a shame. There is an organic method of getting rid of them which look interesting. It is called Milky Spore disease. I am just so thankful I don't have to deal with them!
You are very welcome. I have learned some new things!
Speaking of all forms talking to you, I SWEAR that the gold finches AND hummingbirds land very near me, look me in the eye and go on about how they need food.
Take care,
Ben
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Posted by LoboLoco (from Somewheren Desert, AZ) on July 28, 2008 at 9:30 AM:
Howdy.... We are originally from the east coast and when there were familiar with the JB... Now out here in southwestern AZ desert for past 25 years I have given up on roses and other plants due to water conservation and we haven't seen but a few JB's here and there when in town where others are still trying. Old timers have told me JB's were never seen out here 30 years ago.
When living in Vegas during the building boom in 80's I was told that the grubs were comming west in sod from the east. There was such a demand for sod there (grass is water wasting plant out here) that eastern sod growers were not treating soil and shipping it out as fast as they could.
Now If I can just keep the javelinas and jack rabbits out of my cactus beds without the use of lead here we'd be OK!.
Below is damage from a one night feeding by a pack of marauding javelinas.
...
Posted by jill2170 (from Gurnee, IL) on July 28, 2008 at 12:04 PM:
How timely your article is, when, to my dismay, I found my beautiful hibuscus, petunias, dappled willows and sunflowers being devoured yesterday by these horrible beetles. They were eating, copulating and defacating all at once. I tried to pick them off, as I read somewhere, to kill them in a plastic bag. I'd get one and thirteen would fly away, only to come back in a few minutes, I'm sure. I tried Insectical soap, but they weren't bothered. I, too, will get some Ortho and hopefully resurrect my beautiful garden. Thanks for helping me see the humor in this!
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Posted by LoboLoco (from Somewheren Desert, AZ) on July 28, 2008 at 9:20 PM:
Has anyone tried Cayenne Pepper in water and applied with sprayer? Does help with jackrabbits out here. Irritates the heck out of them.
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Posted by linnea56 (from Buffalo Grove, IL) on July 29, 2008 at 6:53 PM:
Where do you find this systemic bug killer? This year they are eating things they never bothered with.
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Posted by WigglyPaw (from Hastings, MI) on August 1, 2008 at 8:45 AM:
linnea
if you have a ace hardware type garden center, or a garden center, then
they probably will sell the systemic poison. I buy the concentrate (naturally-LOL)
and dilute it I think its 6oz of systemic to a few gallons of water. Therefore,
if you have a lot of plants, I use a 5 gallon bucket and pour in about a cupful
of the stuff, and then use a smaller cup dipper to pour the stuff onto my
distressed plants. This month I added plant food to the concoction.
It seems to be helping. I should have been doing this I think every 3 weeks,
as I have some JB now, but not like years previous, where I had absolutely
no leaves on trees, and not one rose bloom. oh, ugh.
sher
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Subject: Great Sense of Humor!
Posted by mametcalf (from Genesee Twp, MI) on July 25, 2008 at 11:48 PM:
You have got a great sense of humor. I have been pulling my hair out over the Japanese beetles this year. There are more of them than ever before. I am glad that you have found a solution and understand why you had so much fun implementing it. I am convinced that my Japanese beetles are plotting to take over the property if I do not stop them soon!
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Posted by WigglyPaw (from Hastings, MI) on July 26, 2008 at 5:50 PM:
Try Ortho Systemic Poison. It works. Actually, I started using it
just at the beginning of the growing season, and halfway and then
yesterday before the fall flush comes. I think it also helps with
the ground squirrels too!!!
Good luck!
nice to meet you
sheri
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Posted by mametcalf (from Genesee Twp, MI) on July 26, 2008 at 5:53 PM:
Thank you, Sheri. I will try. My veggie garden is organic, but I have no problem using whatever it takes on the weeds surrounding it, which is where the Japanese beetles seem to be thickest. It just might help to keep them out of the garden.
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Subject: I love the "Murderess"
Posted by Sis_E (from (Cissy) San Jose, CA) on July 25, 2008 at 7:09 PM:
Sheri, you are too much! I loved it! I was thinking this would make a great Patricia Cornwell or a James Patterson
novela! LOL Thanks for the great read!
Cissy
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Posted by WigglyPaw (from Hastings, MI) on July 26, 2008 at 5:55 PM:
Thank you so very much for your return critique, it truly means so very much
to me that folks have read it and loved it enough to write back to me.
I am working on a few more extremely irreverent articles. I cannot help
myself, I am just so full of words and giggles.
Regards
Sher
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Posted by Sis_E (from (Cissy) San Jose, CA) on July 27, 2008 at 1:42 AM:
You certainly are full of giggles, wiggles, etc :D!!
Cissy
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Subject: LOL
Posted by threegardeners (from North Augusta, ON) on July 25, 2008 at 11:07 AM:
I loved it!! You had me wondering right until the end.
I fought the beetle battle this year and won. My Lilies have never looked so good.
My battle was won with Neem oil.
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Posted by darius (from Marion, VA) on July 25, 2008 at 11:18 AM:
What a Hoot! My cousin out in Colorado, not a DG member, emailed me to say what a good chuckle she got out of your article this morning!
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Posted by robcorreia (from San Diego, CA) on July 25, 2008 at 1:22 PM:
hahaha! I love it! I feel so guilty though. Sometimes I pick a slug and just don't have the guts to kill the poor little bastard. I toss it over the fence!
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Posted by ceejaytown (from The Woodlands, TX) on July 25, 2008 at 4:02 PM:
Great article - great writing! So glad we don't have Japanese beetles. Shhhh!!! Did I say that out loud? Durn!
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Posted by cedar18 (from Lula (North east), GA) on July 25, 2008 at 7:27 PM:
Great story! We can all relate. I am now battling many bugs, including a new one for me: milkweed bugs. They are amazingly prolific. I am picking 3-6 at a time 2 to 3 x a day off of one Asclepias (Butterfly Weed).
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Posted by leaflady (from Hughesville, MO) on July 25, 2008 at 8:08 PM:
This was a very well written story. I knew it had to be an insect or plant(maybe a stump that has bothered you for years).
Garlic does a good job of keep the beetle at bay. Or at least that is what I hear so I plant garlic all around my roses and have no beetles. Now I am digging the garlic to eat. We have had a wonderful crop this year.
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Posted by drsaul (from Hereford, TX) on July 25, 2008 at 10:40 PM:
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