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When a loved one, human or pet, passes on to the great beyond most gardeners first thoughts will be to plant something in their honor. There are several different ways you can set up and organize a wonderful memorial in the garden for those we have loved .
Why plants? This is easy. For those of us who love the garden, we often spend a lot of time out there. It is logical for us to want to feel and remember those we have loved in the garden, just like we love to have those we love come and enjoy our gardens. We see the cycle of life in every plant, bug, and in time learn a lot about ourselves and our own mortality in the garden. This is where we see life and death played out day in and day out. It is also an expression of ourselves, thus it is logical that we would bring special memories with us into the garden.
The first and most common plant to use in a garden setting for a passed loved one is a plant they owned, or cared a lot for. A good example of this in my garden are several iris that have been owned by my grandmother and great -grandmother. The iris may not have any names but, to me, they are named for them. The most important part of gathering plants from the home of a passed member of the family to remember them by is to ask first, even if you believe you have the only right to them. A little asking first really helps with problems later, and you never know who might just want a little piece also but was to afraid to ask. You can also plant a flower they loved instead of one from their actual garden . I plant gladiolas for my wife every year as a memorial for her grandmother. You don’t have to have the same plant. Many times the original plant gets sold with the home or is lost long ago, but you can find a similar plant to place in your garden to bring their memory back to you.
The next great thing you can do is to plant a plant with the name of the loved one who has passed on. Iris, daylily and hosta are three plants that have many names, with many human names in the mix. Another way to use plants like these in the garden is to find their favorite color or something from their occupation. The possibilities are endless. You only have to sit down and think about what you loved most about the departed. After you have made a list, start searching the Plantfiles for plants the include the names or thoughts about your loved one. The best part about looking in the PlantFiles is you can often find a vendor for the plant listed on the same page.
The last common method is to plant a tree for the departed. This can be in your own space or in a public space. The idea is to plant something long lasting for generations to come. Much care should be taken to select a tree that gives the feeling and look you want to represent your loved one. Evergreens and Magnolias make wonderful choices. The leaves in the dead of winter will remind you of your loved one. Most cities and urban areas have the ability to purchase a tree for memorial purposes; just call your city offices and ask. The biggest problem with planting the memorial tree in a public area is many times there is a list of trees to choose from, thus limiting your choices. The tree you want to plant and where you want to plant it is all up to you.
For placement in the home garden there are really two main ways to have the memorial plants. The first way is to place the plant in a bed with other plants. This is a logical way for the gardener without much space or who needs neatness and order in their beds. It also provides, in time, for you to spread out the special plants in the garden so no matter where you walk you will see those special plants here and there in the whole garden. The other common method is to put a garden bed aside just for those plants that are in memory of those we have loved. This garden is often crowned with angels and chimes, a simple bench, and a cottage feel in the planting. The colors and the sizes do not matter in this garden. It is planted for the memories tied to each and every plant. This second method offers a special place in the garden for you to go to sit a while and remember, touch the leaves, smell the flowers, and just remember. Both are great ways to integrate these special plants in the garden. Your own garden style will decide what works best for you.
However you pick the plants, place the plants, and care for the plants, these plants will remind you for years to come about those special people and pets in your life. What ever you do---plan for the long term. These plants will grow on you . The memories they encompass will stay with you long after the blooms have faded and the winds of winter blow.
About M Fitzgerald
I am a pentecostal preacher, gardener,husband, and a father. I love natives, daylilies, iris, and roses. I love teaching others, be they children or adults, about the garden and plants.
Posted by gabnxe (from Columbia, MO) on September 29, 2007 at 1:12 PM:
When my nephew died 2 years ago, my mom and I each planted a rose for him and set up a little memorial. The butterfly & cross is my mom's - my nephew's daughter painted the butterfly. The pink rock is Colorado rock, from his home.
PT
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Posted by KyWoods (from Melbourne, KY) on September 30, 2007 at 12:55 AM:
That is so sweet, PT. I'm sure your memorial met with his fondest approval.
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Subject: Precious Memories
Posted by LouC (from Desoto, TX) on September 29, 2007 at 6:37 AM:
Very nice message, Mitch. Gathering plants from my mother's garden after she left us was how I started my garden. Has changed my life.
This message was edited Sep 29, 2007 9:27 AM
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Posted by McGlory (from Southeast, NE) on September 29, 2007 at 10:10 AM:
Thank you, Mitch. I have been thinking about doing a "Granny" bed for all my grandmothers. I was fortunate to have great grandmothers, grandmothers, and step-grandmothers who were precious to me. Additionally, I had some grandmothers of cousins, though tecnically not related to me, accepted me and allowed me to call them "Grandma" too. I wanted to honor these women with a little garden bed of their own, since sadly there is only one 99-year-old left. Your article has given me some direction.
Thanks again, and nicely done.
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Posted by gessiegail (from Taft, TX) on September 29, 2007 at 10:25 AM:
Thank you so much for the reminder..........my favorite aunt lived right down the road from me. I need to ask her children if i can go get a couple of roses and Rose of Sharon she loved so much........................
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Posted by MitchF (from Oklahoma City, OK) on September 29, 2007 at 10:27 AM:
Glad to know this helped... I have tried here to grow what our departed have loved, and it keeps family histories alive too.
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Posted by Dea (from Frederick, MD) on September 29, 2007 at 10:41 AM:
Wonderful article Mitch. Planting these memories and tending them through the years can be so comforting.
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Posted by Garden4ever (from Plymouth, WI) on September 29, 2007 at 11:15 AM:
Great article Mitch! My Dad passed away from lung cancer 2 years ago and he was a vegetable gardner. Whenever I plant radishes, I always think of him. He was the one who started me gardening.
The summer before he passed on, he knew that my Mom would be selling the house once he was gone, so he recruited my husband, one of my brothers and sister in law to bring flagstone that he had used to make retaining walls and paths in his yard to my home. He wasn't able to breathe well at that time, so he "supervised" from his pick-up truck. I will never forget what he gave me that day. It was a gift of his love, a way of truly passing on landscaping and gardening to me to carry on. I used those stones to make a path through my yard and a small fishing pond that I know he would have loved. When my home was on the garden walk last year in our area, we had to choose a title for our yard/gardens, and I chose "My father's footsteps." It was my way of memorializing him. - Colleen
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Posted by heathrjoy (from Johnsonburg, PA) on September 29, 2007 at 2:23 PM:
What wonderful stories. I, too, have a memory garden that is very special to me...and I was so happy to see this article. I have an area that is set aside for a loved one that we lost, but since my garden was my DMIL's before it was mine I also have many plants to remind me of her planted throughout the garden. It is so special to tend to those plants.
One of my favorite plants for any memory garden is the 'Remember Me' Hosta, some of the proceeds from every purchase go to the Susan Komen Breast Cancer Foundation. Another plant purchase that makes donations to the same foundation and could be a great addition to a memory garden is the 'Hope' Coneflower.
Thanks for the great article.
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Posted by Islandshari (from Kwajalein
(Marshall Islands)) on September 29, 2007 at 4:46 PM:
Mitch, a lovely article! As a history lover, I enjoy passing on stories of passed loved ones to the youngsters in the family, and walking through a garden is a wonderful place to do this. When they ask "What is that", you know you have their attention, and these seeds of rememberance will find fertile ground. Your article will encourage others to plant memories along with seeds.
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Posted by KyWoods (from Melbourne, KY) on September 30, 2007 at 1:04 AM:
You mentioned pets, too, and my memorial garden is for my sweet little poodle who helped me heal from major surgery. Her name was Bonnie, and now I don't feel so silly choosing plants at retailers that sell Bonnie Plant Farm stock. She used to love to help me pull weeds, so I'm sure she'd approve of her garden! Thanks for such a lovely article.
