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I am the creator of the "Hapsadasical Ipsocrackable Rocka-Doca-Doodle" study of rocks. I will be receiving my Nobel Science Lunatic Prize soon for this miraculous discovery. Please enjoy my incredible findings. They will literally "rock" your world!
(Editor's Note: This article was originally published on August 7, 2008. Your comments are welcome, but please be aware that authors of previousl published articles may not be able to respond to your questions.)
Rock Gene Pool - Jump On In! story by Sheri Williams July 12, 2008 Hastings, MI
Does anyone know how rocks procreate? I saw two rocks yesterday by the path. Today, there are seventeen rocks. These new little rocks are laying amongst the large rocks. This is undeniable proof of rock babies.
I have also encountered some fairly aggressive rocks. These bad rocks have passed on their lethal gene to their progeny. Why, even little bitty baby pebbles, newly born, can exhibit diverse behaviours. We all know the quiet, placid and benign pebbles. They lay quietly without stirring up trouble. I know we have all encountered some of those "other types", the vicious and hurtful pebbles, that sneak around and cause us great discomfort. Their tactic, since they are still so little, and young, is to run, and jump into your shoe. They are sneaky pebbles. These are fast pebbles!
As the pebbles grow, they enter the terrible teenage years. Groups of rocks who are in their defiant years, will form gangs. The horrid acts that bad teen rocks can do is incredible. I have come across some of the roving bands on the highway, where one rock from the rock gang has been selected to become the Number One Kamikaze rock. They will fling themselves off a bridge aiming unerringly for a passing motorists car window. With a speed and determination that is truly awe inspiring, their last act on Earth is to crack your windshield. I think that these rocks are sad souls, and have lived their lives in anguish and unfulfilled dreams.
Now, on the other hand, life shares with us the happy go lucky rocks. Fabulous rocks with a good attitude and a true passion for sharing. I have been walking, and and will pick up a rock that has been excitedly calling out. Its easy enough to place this friendly rock into your pocket, and continue your walk. Friendly rocks love the close comfort of a warm hand and a dark pocket. They are loyal, and always want to please. A few of these joyful rocks even aspire to be painted! They suggest lovely shapes to us and expect nothing else beyond the experience of being turned into a face, or a shoe,hamburgers,suns,bugs, etc. These beautifully decorated rocks are in their glory! They sport their new colors and maintain the magnificent decorum whether on a childs shelf, or as a paperweight. These rocks are useful! They are born to serve. You will never hear a complaint from these rocks. They are not spoiled rocks. Sometimes, in lifes funny way, these dear rocks wind up face down, tossed out and mixed in with other rocks. I have personally picked up a rock and discovered that it was an old faded painted rock. It is still a happy slob rock, and so apprecative of being looked at.
Rocks are good at hiding themselves if they don't want to do work. This is not a lazy streak, but more of a ego thing. In trying to find a few rocks for instance, to place in a planting pot, there seem to be none around. I can spot a few little tiny rocks, but these quickly escape through the pots bottom hole. I need to find a few good sized craggy rocks to do the job. I realize that rocks are able to read minds. They know exactly what I want them for, and then they act accordingly. They all have emotional baggage, that influences the way rocks will interact with us. Rocks, all over the world are an intelligent sentient life form. They communicate in rock language with each other, and have rock groups. Rock language is spoken around the world by all forms of rocks. Infant rocks have to learn how to speak just as human babies will learn to talk.
Rocks love to travel! They love to go on vacations. They go to school. Rocks use subliminal mind control to easily accomplish what we humans struggle to accomplish. Have you ever planned a trip to some foreign land? Its fraught with passports, and visa stuff, language problems,money exchange, hotels, rude waiters. Cancelled flights, hours of waiting in airports, missed connections. Traveling is a chore for us! On the other hand, a rock easily manages to circumvent every problem by becoming a souvenior. Either painted, or plain, a rock,maybe with their entire family,is easily tossed into your luggage. How simple, how brilliant. No interminable lines,no use for credit cards. They can travel around the world with this one smart move.
I will never again say that someone is a dumb as a rock. Actually, to be the mental equivalent of a rock is an honour! I respect rocks much more now, and I introduce them to people who come to our farm. I have a working relationship with a rock union representative here, and I provide fast car transport in return for property defense. If you too would like to form a stable, productive and forward thinking relationship with rocks, I include a few helpful resources. These are provided by the Rock Foundation and Charitable Benevolence Group of Rocks.
Photo credits and sources
+ Rock of Ages Providing spiritual guidance and sources
+ Rock On! "Teens and Tweens Welcome" Good outreach group for preteen and teen rocks
+ Stones Anonymous Bill the Boulder is the formative strength behind these worldwide groups for addiction plagued rocks
+ Rosetta Stone A Babelfish directory
+ S.T.O.N.E.S a charitable 501c organization
All photos belong to Sheri Williams and the WigglyPaw Farm and the rocks who live their lives there
July 2008
About Sheri Williams
I am so ADHD that I can't type fast enough to keep up with myself. I dig a hole, go to get a plant and feed the cats. I want to prune my cherry trees and wind up painting a chicken and egg sign. I sew wedding gowns and tonight took an order for 6 alterations for Saturday. Thats me!
