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The dreams and desires of the gardener are different from normal folk. We dream of discovering blue tulips when the rest of the world dreams of winning the lottery. We desire acres of weed-free earth replete with earthworms when everyone else wants a red sports car. Nowhere is the misunderstanding more prevalent than in the gift exchange. We gardeners know what we want, but on gift-giving holidays, what do we usually get?
On Black Friday this year I provided you gardeners with a means of getting what you really want for Christmas. How many took my advice, printed the article, and left it laying around for loved ones to see? Those who did are allowed to gloat for the rest of this writing.
I know what the rest of you got. We get the same thing every year, usually prefaced by the excited non-gardening giver saying, “I knew you’d love this because you’re a gardener.” The gift is usually something beautiful, but with limited purpose.
Somehow the presumption exists that a flower gardener likes pictures of flowers as much as the flower itself, that an outdoor gardener also enjoys houseplants, and that a vegetable gardener will appreciate flowers. Admittedly, in winter months a picture of a bloom can lift the flower gardener’s spirits, but of course said photo will never take the place of an actual blossom. Nevertheless, gifts received by the gardener will always include items like calendars with a different flower arrangement or garden scene every month and cumbersome books suitable only for the coffee table.
I got a pretty calendar last year from my Secret Santa at work. In March I had the vague sense I’d seen the new month’s scene before, so I cheated and inspected the 12 months at once. Sure enough! The same flowers were used in different arrangements throughout the calendar. February’s pink roses appeared again in June only paired with white daisies instead of magenta zinnias. Oh, the pretty containers were different month to month, crockery pitchers, enameled coffeepots, red glass vases. But the flowers were the same, and since the flowers were the same, a gardener would appreciate the calendar less than normal folk. Too bad our non-gardening givers don’t know about the new Dave’s Garden calendar.
Gardeners get oceans of lotions for Christmas. What are our loved ones trying to tell us? I wear gloves when I garden, and I still get lotions. They have nice names like Harvest Essence or Herbal Apple. Non-gardeners don’t know that apples aren’t herbs or that the scent of harvest is dependent upon what you’re harvesting. They just think our hands are too dry.
Coffee table gardening books can be enjoyable the first time through, but are usually too frou-frou for the gardener’s long-term enjoyment. Frequently only common names are used, if the photos are captioned with names at all. They rarely reveal cultivars, and will frequently leave out one plant name in that perfect combination of three plants, leaving the frustrated gardener to try and figure out what the third plant in that perfect combination is.
Gardeners get cute country-style plaques. Well, they’re cute if you like country style. If you’ve been gardening a few years, you probably have plenty and you got another one this year. Did it say, “Garden more, work less?” Or did it say, “Time Began in a Garden?” They don’t say, “Bunny Crossing” or “Dad’s Garden” because they’re always for hanging on walls indoors. We don’t get the outdoor type that adds whimsy to our gardens. The plaques may be made of wood or cross-stitched, and they’re usually lovely. No gardener needs dozens however. I bet you didn’t need the one you got this year.
And of course we got pretty plant pots for Christmas. I love those. Sometimes they’re ceramic, sometimes painted clay, sometimes made of a more exotic material. I’ve even gotten interesting metal ones. Several have the attached saucer tray. I would love them more if they had holes in the bottom. The gift ones never do.
Making fun of the same gifts we receive every year may reek of ingratitude. The essence of gratitude is expressed in a quote by Melodie Beattie frequently passed around via e-mail. “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity.... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
For that reason, we shall enjoy our lotions, and relish our wall hangings, our coffee table books, and our pretty pots without the holes. We’ll keep the jokes about the same old gifts just between us gardeners. And maybe next year some hybridizer will give us the blue tulip. Merry Christmas, everyone!
About Lori Geistlinger
Lori and her husband, Handsome Man, garden in the heart of Tornado Alley in the Midwest. She likes perennials, because if they don't come back, chances are she forgot she planted them and doesn't realize she killed them. Don't take her too seriously.
Posted by cougares (from San Antonio, TX) on January 1, 2008 at 9:43 AM:
The month of December not only brings the gifts of Christmas, but also my birthday. I 'm not a specific gardener, my kitchen window is full of plants, or clippings from plants, or seeds which will become plants. My decorating theme is if there isn't furniture there, put a plant in it and often i've questioned the need for the sofa. The kids could just sit on pillows .
Outside there is an herb garden , and tomatoes get tucked in among the marigolds, cukes are found growing up the back fence, there are plants in pots, there are pots hung on fences, there are bananas shading the turtles pond.
So what do i want for the holidays , DIRT. I can always use dirt, i don't need any more plants, would you like some castor bean seeds, a philodendron? The look is always of suprise and complete exasperation . I can't get you dirt ! why ? i want dirt , and if you really really care compost . You want me to get you cow sh... yes dear and it would be greatly appreciated. Of course i never get my dirt and have the abundance of gardening books, tapestries, and the never ending supply of mugs which wind up filled with cuttings of something. People will never understand gardens , but they are family and friends and we still love them as we shove them out the door with yet another clipping in hope the garden bug will bite, and next year it will be compost!!!!
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Posted by MistyPetals (from North Augusta, SC) on March 20, 2008 at 3:54 PM:
Compost, the gift that keeps on giving. I want compost, too. I would love for someone to call the garden center and request a truckload of compost be dumped on my front lawn on Christmas morning. Now, that would be great.
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Subject: Glad you're back!
Posted by 1mary2 (from Chesterfield, MO) on December 31, 2007 at 11:45 AM:
Every time I see a "Dave's Garden Newsletter" appear in my emails, I anxiously scroll down to look for an article by you. Somehow I missed your "Black Friday" article, and was hoping you would once again appear in the Dave's newsletter. I gaze every day out my windows into my garden thinking about what changes I can make this spring. Every day it gets above 30 degrees outside, I'm looking at the base of each of my plants for new growth. Gosh, winter sucks! I didn't get one gift card from a nursery this year at Christmas. Guess I will have to pay for all my plants this year. Have a Happy New Year, and keep on writing!
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Subject: So true. Interesting read.
Posted by Annepaola (from Manahawkin, NJ) on December 31, 2007 at 11:11 AM:
This is the first year I didn't get any garden related goodies. I have become very interested in Monarch waystations, and I did get a beautilful Monarch pin.
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Subject: Very cute article!!!
Posted by Pagancat (from Gainesboro, TN) on December 26, 2007 at 11:27 PM:
I enjoyed that, thanks! Loved the quote.
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Posted by McGlory (from Southeast, NE) on December 27, 2007 at 12:03 AM:
Thanks a bunch, Pcat. Hope you had a great holiday.
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Subject: I got what I asked for. . .
Posted by bacarney (from Chicago, IL) on December 26, 2007 at 10:02 PM:
a file to sharpen my shovels and trowels.
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Posted by McGlory (from Southeast, NE) on December 27, 2007 at 12:03 AM:
Ah, yes! The point, of course, is to be sure to ask and be specific about it. LOL!
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Subject: I got garden statues.
Posted by charlenesplants (from Buffalo, TX) on December 26, 2007 at 1:07 PM:
This year everytime someone mentioned Christmas gifts, I stated how much I wanted garden statues. It worked!
I got a frog, a turtle, two rabbits (one with a basket), a goose and a girl with a bird holding her skirt out just enough for a sip of water to puddle in.
Before, I would say that I would like something garden related. This year I was more specific and it worked like a charm. I am a happy gardener with all the right gifts for Chrismas.
Charlene
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Posted by KyWoods (from Melbourne, KY) on December 26, 2007 at 8:43 PM:
Yaaaaay! Congrats, and please post pics this spring!
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Posted by McGlory (from Southeast, NE) on December 27, 2007 at 12:04 AM:
It's all in the specifics, isn't it? I must put statues on the list for next year - hadn't thought of that one yet. Thanks for the tip, charlene! :-)
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Posted by charlenesplants (from Buffalo, TX) on December 27, 2007 at 1:03 PM:
You are so welcome! I wish everyone garden delights of their own choosing for every gifting occassion! Everytime I would pass a display of statues I would ooh and ahh and proclaim that is what I desired for my flower garden. Word got out and I am very pleased with the results. I hate cash, cuz it takes no thought, but a statue is a gift from the heart. (I know I am nuts!LOL)
So, practice up mother's and birthday girls, you know what you gotta do now!
Best of all the holidays to each and everyone of you!
Charlene
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Subject: I got a mug.
Posted by carrielamont (from Milton, MA) on December 26, 2007 at 4:38 AM:
Nope, I didn't print out your article, and I got a mug that says "garden goddess" on one side and something about the bounty of my harvest on the other side. I only grow flowers and stuff, I mean I don't grow food, except herbs I sneak into food ("Mommy! This spaghetti sauce tastes different"). I needed something to drink soup out of, though. Thanks for a wry little morning after, Lori.
x, Carrie
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Posted by Dutchlady1 (from Naples, FL) on December 26, 2007 at 7:04 AM:
I've trained my DH..... I get plumeria ;-)
I liked the article though! A lot of it rings a bell.
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Posted by debilu (from Fingerlakes Region, NY) on December 26, 2007 at 7:44 AM:
I always enjoy your articles. I got a camera lens to take pictures in my garden from my husband, and from my son, a bracelet. Very pretty, and I love it. He said garden store gift cards are lame.
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Posted by Dea (from Frederick, MD) on December 26, 2007 at 9:02 AM:
too cute! Yea, what's up with those hole-less pots? Great article Lori!
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Posted by CapeCodGardener (from Mid-Cape, MA) on December 26, 2007 at 10:12 AM:
Great article, Lori! So true.
I got a Bokashi compost bucket & fixin's, but I had to give them to myself, because NO non-gardener would ever in a million years have thought of them as a Christmas present!
My honorary grandneice (5 years old) drew me a colorful picture she titled "Weather," because she knows I am always talking about it! I love the drawing--looks sort of like Genesis, Day 3.
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Posted by cathy4 (from St. Louis County, MO) on December 26, 2007 at 10:16 AM:
Woo Hoo, Santa brought a matching set of 5 painted pots in different sizes, and Hubby Drilled Holes BEFORE he gave them to me, and they are in my fav color in the garden, blue!
Big smiles for your article Lori!
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Posted by doccat5 (from Fredericksburg, VA) on December 26, 2007 at 11:52 AM:
Santa brought me a new pair of garden shears that pot apart into 2 knives, one regular, one serrated and they are long enough for me to prune roses with them. Also got a nice sized gift certificate to a big box store, so I can pick out what I want! Love my Santa baby!
Wonderful article and sooooooooooo true.........LOL
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Posted by carrielamont (from Milton, MA) on December 26, 2007 at 12:02 PM:
How very good you must have been - shears that come apart into knives? I might need/crave those. First I need a good place to keep them! xxx, Carrie
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Posted by doccat5 (from Fredericksburg, VA) on December 26, 2007 at 12:03 PM:
Carrie, they come in their own case with a velcro hook up that will fit my jeans. DH got them at Gander Mountain here. He's such a love.
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Posted by carrielamont (from Milton, MA) on December 26, 2007 at 12:08 PM:
No, I mean a shed / storage building / greenhouse / weather-proof Rubbermaid container that we actually USE! But he sounds like a keeper! x, C
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Posted by chickenrancher (from Nova, OH) on December 26, 2007 at 2:11 PM:
Well I wish I could say I got some neat garden item I will use, but alas I did not. Everyone knows I'm a gardener but not a single tini tiny thing even garden related! That being said I am an avid cook/baker and I got new muffin tins, fancy bread loaf pans and a huge new wooden cutting board!
I'm glad no one felt the need to buy me garden items without asking what. I'm picky (aren't we all?) as to what I have/use/plant.
That being said we all receive some item(s) we don't really want or need or like an d have to gratefully accept with a smile as to not insult our friend or family member.
Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and wishing all a Happy New Year!!!
Megan (forgot to sign)
This message was edited Dec 26, 2007 1:12 PM
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Posted by carrielamont (from Milton, MA) on December 26, 2007 at 2:19 PM:
I have a spring birthday and that's when i really lay it on about gardening stuff. At the moment I happily accept my gifts of mugs and socks (although I'm super fussy about those, too)!
x, C
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Posted by cathy4 (from St. Louis County, MO) on December 26, 2007 at 2:21 PM:
I forgot to add, I received a lovely button up cable knit white sweater just like my Grandmother used to wear, hahahaha!
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Posted by broncbuster (from Waxahachie, TX) on December 26, 2007 at 2:56 PM:
Fantastic article, Lori! I could imagine Andy Rooney reading it on 60 Minutes, and wish he would instead of the nonsense he usually speaks. I got 2 weedeaters and a gift card to High Country Gardens. Just what I wanted minus 1 weedeater.
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Posted by carrielamont (from Milton, MA) on December 26, 2007 at 3:11 PM:
LOL.
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Posted by Islandshari (from Kwajalein
(Marshall Islands)) on December 26, 2007 at 7:05 PM:
Lori...another great chuckle! Thanks!
Yokwe,
Shari
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Posted by KyWoods (from Melbourne, KY) on December 26, 2007 at 8:41 PM:
A picture of a plant?! Now that would just be cruel! LOL, cute article, Lori!
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Posted by McGlory (from Southeast, NE) on December 27, 2007 at 12:10 AM:
Thank you for all the kind words and laughs, everyone. We are so fortunate to have loved ones giving us gifts. :-) I envy those of you who have mastered the art of stating exactly what you'd like. And I think the Bokashi compost bucket is a great present to give yourself!
Not being a coffee drinker has spared me endless mugs, carrie. I can't attribute it to anything else. I look just like Andy Rooney minus the gray hair! Okay, maybe not quite...
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Posted by Indynannyof8 (from Brownstown, IN) on December 27, 2007 at 12:12 AM:
Shucks I had my reply all typed and decided to click watch this thread before send and lost it.
I didn't get any garden related thing but forgot to ask at Christmas. I'll save that for my June birthday. I usually get good garden stuff then. Last year my dh and I celebrated our 50th anniversary and I got a HDgift certificate which I used to get a garden fork and a thing to dig with that has prongs on the end and you can use it to looden mulch and garden soil but forget what it is called and it's too late to go out to my shed to look at the handle and check. Anyway it was from my friend so I used it for my garden!!! Sorry for the rambling sentence but that's the way I talk also. LoL and I really am much too young to have been married 50years. Don't know where the time went.
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Posted by McGlory (from Southeast, NE) on December 27, 2007 at 12:16 AM:
I had a garden fork on my list too, but didn't get one. My son who got me the little bitty spade last year said he thought it would be too predictable to get me the fork. He got me a wall plaque of the Rolling Stones instead. I love it, but the bad part is that the big picture of them is a recent photo. EEEWWW!!!
Gardeners get oceans of lotions for Christmas. What are our loved ones trying to tell us? I wear gloves when I garden, and I still get lotions. They have nice names like Harvest Essence or Herbal Apple. Non-gardeners don’t know that apples aren’t herbs or that the scent of harvest is dependent upon what you’re harvesting. They just think our hands are too dry.
sometimes made of a more exotic material. I’ve even gotten interesting metal ones. Several have the attached saucer tray. I would love them more if they had holes in the bottom. The gift ones never do.
