Gardeners AnonymousBy Mitch Fitzgerald (MitchF)
May 7, 2008
1. You watch 10 or more forums.
Not that you post in all these forums, but you keep lurking in the shadows. You keep lists and dream shop every time you read a new posting. The normal tell-tell forums are the Daylily, Iris, Rose, and Tropical. If you have one or more of these forums in your viewer and read each and every posting, you might be in trouble. The more serious addiction comes from those in the Brugmansia, Passiflora, and Hosta forums that almost always leads to carpal tunnel due to the typing needed to reply to the wealth of postings.
2. You keep a spread sheet.
You keep a spread sheet of the cultivars you have of one plant. These plants might look the same to the naked human eye but you have each and every one in a place of honor. You not only record the day you got the plant and number of leaves it had, but when it moved up pots, the day it bloomed (each time it blooms), and possible breeding partners. You dream of your special plants in your sleep and try to grow thousands of seedlings in hopes of growing something new and wonderful.
3. You ask for plants.
Your Christmas, Hanukah and birthday wish lists are all full of plants. You also might ask for pots, hose, dirt, mulch... the list really goes on and on here. The problem is not what you are asking for but that look of disgust that creeps on family and friend's faces when you ask them for these treasured items. Your children, on the other hand, always know what to get you - that next plant, tree, or bag of manure is right around the corner.
4. You have to save plants.
Be it at the store clearance rack or stopping to dig from a home that will soon be demolished to make way for progress, you have to get out there and save those plants. Hate iris? No more room? Already dead? It really does not matter. The urge to save the plant will sweep over you and space will be found. The plant will be loved and it will make it - or you will just buy another one to prove it was not you who killed it!
5. You hide plants.
You get the plant from a plant swap, store, salvage job, you just never know but you bring it home and have to hide it somewhere. Why? You love the new plant no matter how common or how many you already have. You have to hide them because you have no place left to plant them. All your beds are full or filling. Your porch and every good sunny window is full and maybe you even have grow lights to make another room a place for your plants. There is no room and yet you picked them up and brought the treasures home.
6. You grow more.
Already have 20 boxwoods? Great, but you will still try to root cuttings. They have no place to live and you will have to give them away but you just have to make the cuttings. You divide the plant, pot up the seedling, and take a double look at each and every weed just to see if someone might want it if you had it in a pot. Why do you do it? You know that so many people out there--people you have yet to meet--need these plants. If you can only find them, you will be able to give these valuable plants away.
7. You are accused of being a walking botanical book.
No matter where you go, you are always telling family and friends all about the plants in their garden, your garden, or any other garden you can dream of. Every dinner you eat makes you talk about the spices, fruits, and vegetables on the table and how you grew them, tried to grow them, or want to grow them.
8. You take field trips.
You go out of the way to places just to see the plants. In the spring you drive to the home with the tulips or the huge red buds. You look at park plants and take mental note of plants you need to gather seeds from later. You pinch back plants in gardens, taking the new cutting home to try your own. The world around you is just one big botanical garden ready for you to tour.
9. You have more seeds that you could ever plant in your lifetime.
You have trays and trays of seeds. There are seeds you might need, want to try, or gathered and just know you will need one of these days. You buy seeds, gather seeds, and keep track of all the 1seeds you have. You never throw out seeds seeing that they just might grow. After all, some seeds in Egypt grew after thousands of years.
10. You would rather be in the garden.
You long to be in the garden. You get up in the morning and see the wonderful new day and long to be out there. Chores and work take up too much of your day. If you could just run out and play in the garden you know the world would be a better place in which to live and work.
If you said yes to seven or more of the above, you are a bonafide candidate for Gardeners Anonymous. Feel free to sign up. The rules are simple really - grow, share, and save plants no mater where you are. The more plants you have, the better the symptoms will be... really, I promise!
This is my own garden in the photo.