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I started to write an article on the winter blues, but I got depressed.
I wallow in winter. I succumb to the long dark nights, short cold days, weeks when the sun doesn’t put in more than a cursory appearance. I wander from window to window, following the daylight from east to west, landing in the window seat in time to watch the low clouds red up a bit before the dark settles in. I start things, and wander off wondering exactly what it was I was thinking when the project at hand had seemed such a good idea.
I watch the birds. The chickadees and cardinals work the sunflower seeds, and the
goldfinches hang a round the thistle feeder asking each other questions and decrying the cold weather. Some winters, the birds come and sit on the outside sill and watch me. One year, Stan walked through the living room and saw me sitting watching the evening grosbeaks watching me and said, “Let me know if they pull out tiny little binoculars.”
For the most part, I manage to keep up with things, dishes get washed, laundry gets done, the plants that I brought in for the winter get watered, often before they droop past recognition. I even get some housecleaning done - closets occupy much of my days in January, possible redecorating schemes in February. By early March, I’m starting seeds, though I know there isn’t a hope that they will be able to go out until late May, and there’s still a chance even then that we’ll yet have frosts and snow.
Some years, I challenge myself to shake the winter up. One year, I had a nile lily in the plant room and actually managed to get it to bloom. The poor thing stuck it’s lovely self up above the window sill, saw the snow falling and faded fast. I kept the seed head for a few years, a reminder that I had once had that ball of blue florets bursting like fireworks in February.
Last year, after watching several hours of organization shows on HGTV, I decided to clean out my fabric collection and put it in trendy muslin lined wicker baskets. I already had two metal shelving units for them to rest on when done. It took weeks. Just getting all the material out of the closet took days. Then I had to decide if I was going to arrange it by color or by value, by print size or by fiber. Who knew I had so much wool, so many flannels, upholstery material, bits of vinyl, satins, netting, sheers, to say nothing of the cottons. When finished, I stood back and looked at it all, and had to sit down quickly. Do you know how many quilts, shirts, dresses, cushions, wall hangings, and heaven knows what else I’m going to have to make to use all that up? This year, so far, I’ve cleaned out one closet. I found two boxes that hadn’t been unpacked from when we moved in 14 years ago. I was amazed at the things that I found, some that I thought I had lost forever, and some that I hadn’t even realized yet that I’d lost. I gave away four prom/bridesmaid’s dresses that had belonged to my daughters (both of whom are now mothers and well past their prom going years) and a brown polyester jacket and slate blue three piece corduroy suit that were Stan’s back in the day. I kept the light blue suede leisure jacket - who would believe it existed if I didn’t?
This past week, I’ve been cleaning the study, getting it ready for the moment when the penny will drop and I’ll be back to work, designing, printing photos, sewing up some of the fabric, sorting out manuscripts, scanning old family pictures. For now, it looks rather good, tops cleared and dusted, drawers tidied, floor vacuumed.
But it’s snowing again, and it’s getting dark. One of these days, I really will write an article on the winter blues. Maybe in June, when the sun is shining and daylight lasts longer than 45 minutes.
About Kathleen M. Tenpas
We have a grazing dairy of 55 cows in the rolling hills of western New York State where we raised two daughters who have now blessed us with four grandchildren. I have messy, jungly beds of old roses, (some real antiques left by former owners), perennials, wildflowers and lots and lots of not so ornamental grasses! I have a Masters degree in Creative Writing: Poetry from Antioch University. I am a photographer and fabric artist and I bake a mean loaf of bread.
Posted by grisaille (from Alachua, FL) on February 4, 2008 at 9:01 AM:
What a wonderful article. And I love your barn, would probably love the snow too, for awhile. Iwas born in Conneticut, but moved to Florida at 7, so I don't remember too much about snow.Florida has the summer heat and humidity, and when one is young, one dosen't seem to mind it, but nowadays, I shut myself in the house starting in June through August.If it weren't for airconditioning down here, Florida would be still largely unsettled.A friend of mine wrote me a few months ago that she was "feeling Swedish".I couldn't figure that out at all,when I asked her about what she ment, she explained about the lack of sunlight was affecting her.She was raised in Florida,does not do well in the winter,she reminds me of your nile lilly.I will have her read your article.She's a better gardener than I am. I still love your barn,I used to raise Dairy Goats,sold milk to a cheese plant, I still can't imagine chores in that weather.
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Posted by Kathleen (from Panama, NY) on February 4, 2008 at 8:45 PM:
lol, I know exactly how your friend was feeling, and I've lived here all my life.
The barn was built in 1945, after a fire destroyed the dairy barn that was here. They built it all post and beam and used wooden pegs to put it together - they couldn't get nails because of the war. Unfortunately, time is working its worst on it and eventually we will have it encased in dark green metal to keep it from falling down around us.
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Subject: thank you
Posted by backspace (from Saint Charles, IL) on January 30, 2008 at 11:32 PM:
Thank you for such an inspiring an beautiful story as I fight the winter blues myself this time of year. This year especially with the loss of my precious father who passed away suddenly 9 months ago.
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Posted by Sharran (from Calvert City, KY) on January 31, 2008 at 12:44 AM:
I will echo Backspace's sentiments, having also had a sudden loss this year, but your winter doldrums made me smile.
Thanks, Kathleen.
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Posted by prairielaura (from Brenham, TX) on February 4, 2008 at 11:53 AM:
Made me laugh out loud, because I also have a vast reservoir of fabric stashed, and a pair of daughters, and organizational issues....can we talk about the bushel basket of photographs that I MUST do something with? (Latest plan:big collage frame for the Kodak moments of my life, grab-bag of the rest, to be discarded after the girls pick through them. I used to make albums, and then I realized that no one ever, ever looks at old family movies or albums.)
However my winter blues are a lot shorter than yours, because I live in central Texas, where we are six weeks from spring and ten weeks from the onset of our hellish summer. I think I suffer more from ohGodwillthis summer-ever-end.
So today is the appointed day to by golly plant some seeds in little compartmentalized memorial gardens....if I can find any left from when the giant yellow rodents (we have yellow labrador mixed breeds that are working hard at chewing the house down from the garage inward) discovered the seed packets in my gardening drag-wagon. It's best not to linger on the thought that IF the seeds sprout, and IF I get them successfully planted, the yellow rodents will almost certainly dig them up in a flurry of crazed dog-hollow making. Sigh. Enjoy your moderate summer, and cast a sympathetic thought our way.
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Posted by backspace (from Saint Charles, IL) on February 4, 2008 at 7:55 PM:
Prairielaura, I differ with you in the fact that if you HAD lost a LOved one the way I lost my father you would have very different thoughts on old pictures, homemade movies and precious memories left behind, because that is ALL YOU HAVE.
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Posted by Kathleen (from Panama, NY) on February 4, 2008 at 8:40 PM:
I'm glad I was able to touch you all and cheer you a bit.
If prairielaura and I are on the same page, I think perhaps the photos etc. that she's planning on disposing of come under the heading of "why did I take this picture of total strangers?" and "oh, my heavens, my high school senior trip!" All of the total strangers (and a few people that I wish had been total strangers) ended up in the trash, along with my senior trip. We weren't what you'd call a close class - one reunion in 35 years, and it was one too many!
Anyway, I truly am sorry to hear of your losses backspace and Sharron.
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Posted by Sharran (from Calvert City, KY) on February 4, 2008 at 9:35 PM:
Thanks, Kathleen, and I did truly love your article. It took me years but finally I was able to toss my mother's college scrapbook with its photos and momentos that I did not recognize. The only thing I kept was a Hershey's chocolate wrapper....it was huge and had a 5cent price on it. I had to keep that one. And of course I kept pictures of my mother.
It is 70 degrees in WKY today, Joy, Joy!!!!
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Posted by Kathleen (from Panama, NY) on February 5, 2008 at 8:31 AM:
Between you and Melody and Melissa, I often know better what the weather is there than anywhere other than here. Lisa just tells me it's cold - hehe.
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Subject: I can relate
Posted by Dutchlady1 (from Naples, FL) on January 30, 2008 at 7:08 AM:
After too many winters like this we moved to sunny Florida and have never looked back.
I loved the article, very evocative writing. Thanks.
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Posted by Dea (from Frederick, MD) on January 30, 2008 at 9:05 AM:
You nailed January here Kathleen!
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Posted by carrielamont (from Milton, MA) on January 30, 2008 at 10:27 AM:
I'm right there with you - except your closets before you clean them are more organized than my are after they are organized! x, Carrie
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Posted by cathy4 (from St. Louis County, MO) on January 30, 2008 at 11:08 AM:
In the same boat, but can't seem to find the motivation to start on the closets, or anything else. At least the sun is out today....
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Posted by carrielamont (from Milton, MA) on January 30, 2008 at 11:12 AM:
We have a wind chime. The wind is blowing. Makes music. x, C
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Posted by melody (from Benton, KY) on January 30, 2008 at 11:50 AM:
It was 62 degrees yesterday and about 25 right now...thus is winter in west KY.
Great minds think alike. I cleaned out the master closet day before yesterday. Haven't got the nerve to tackle the fabric closet yet....*sigh*
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Posted by darius (from Marion, VA) on January 30, 2008 at 12:20 PM:
You make even the "blues" sound poetic!
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Posted by summerkid (from Kankakee, IL) on January 30, 2008 at 3:08 PM:
:You're only PRETENDING to have the blues, Kathleen! You organize closets & then WRITE about it? So industrious ...
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Posted by JoanJ (from Belfield, ND) on January 30, 2008 at 3:24 PM:
Closets are much like grocery carts.
Everything fits real nice in the cart until you go through checkout and everything gets organized into bags. Then your groceries no longer fit in the cart and sometimes it takes two carts to get it out to the car.
That's how I feel about closets. If I started taking stuff out and organizing it, I would never be able to fit it all back in again. I'm sure if I relate my analogy to DH, he would agree that building another closet is out of the question. In fact, next time he complains about the bedroom closet, I'm going to do just that.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it. :)
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Posted by cathy4 (from St. Louis County, MO) on January 30, 2008 at 3:39 PM:
Joan, what does UBER mean?
We have to empty 2 bedrooms and the closets by next Tuesday morning for the floor sanders. What a mess! I'm determined that half of it is not going back in! Would you all like surprise packages in the mail?? lol One of the rooms is my sewing/ebay/craft room/office, and it is full. I did the DIY thing and put shelves up all around the room, made work stations. Looked really cool the first week. haha
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Posted by melody (from Benton, KY) on January 30, 2008 at 3:43 PM:
Not me. Got more orphan supplies and projects than I need, and more fabric than any human should own. Of course, Kathleen and my motto happens to be..."She who dies with the most fabric, wins"
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Posted by cathy4 (from St. Louis County, MO) on January 30, 2008 at 3:51 PM:
I may take first place with children's color yarns and fabrics. I love bright colors, polka dots, daisies, turtles.... My husband is going to faint when I pull all the yarn out of that room. Maybe I'll stuff it in pillow cases and he will think we have lots of pillows, teehee.
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Posted by JoanJ (from Belfield, ND) on January 30, 2008 at 3:51 PM:
If you click on the UBER it's a link that will take you to the page that explains what it is (but it needs updating pretty bad). Here's the link too. [HYPERLINK@davesgarden.com]
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Posted by cathy4 (from St. Louis County, MO) on January 30, 2008 at 3:54 PM:
I bow to your UBERness!
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Posted by McGlory (from Southeast, NE) on January 30, 2008 at 7:57 PM:
You captured the spirit of a gardener's winter, or should I say "lack of spirit," perfectly, Kathleen. A job well done. :-)
I watch the birds. The chickadees and cardinals work the sunflower seeds, and the 
