(Editor's Note: This article was originally published on April 1, 2008.)
Also included are scarce specimens and unfamiliar hybrids from the scientists at Heer T'Deigh Gaunt Mar Oh Greenhouse, representing major breakthroughs in horticulture. Your landscape may never look the same again. The following are the offerings of the week, representative of the greatest finds of this century:
The Blue Tulip ~ You heard us. The elusive blue tulip is now available by mail order only. The new cultivar in the Greggii division, Blue Taboo, will delight your friends and fill your neighbors with envy. Beginning as a dark navy blue, the colors lighten with age, to the irresistible shade of denim. Tulips bulbs are planted in the fall, but we recommend ordering and paying now and we will store them for you until fall. They will even perennialize in Alabama!
Grow bananas in cold climates with our exclusive Bananoak Tree! That's right. Fool the squirrels! While the squirrels wait for acorns, you can rest assured they will be fooled when the oak tree produces bananas. Amaze your friends! Take a banana to work and explain to them you grew it yourself in Minnesota. Specimens are small, but will produce bananas after 5-7 years of careful nurturing.
You've seen the bi-colored Daffodils, but we assure you that you've never seen any like this! This select hybrid, called Redlow for its alternating petals of red and yellow, is available for a limited time. Bulbs are gigantic. Supplies are limited, so order plenty of these enormous bulbs early.
Guaranteed Rabbit and Deer Deterrent available only at Fligh Buhnight Nurseries. Don't let bunnies nibble your lilies any longer. Bambi will take extremes to avoid your garden with our guaranteed deterrent. Our product is much more environmentally friendly than harsh chemical treatments that may not work. Caution must be used in the application of our deterrent however. Too much adrenalin and our guaranteed deterrent will mow down established plants. Too little nourishment and stimulation and our guaranteed deterrent may languish with ambivalent sloth.
To order these and other fine products, send your $100 money order to the following address and we'll hold the products for you until shipping time!
Fligh Buhnight Nurseries
P.O. Box 13
Helengone, AZ 12345-6789
(This is SATIRE!)
*****Special thanks to Dea O'Hopp (Dea) for providing photos of the blue tulips she found in her garden and making them available to the public for the first time ever.