where are all the funny, laughing, giggling people?

Fate, TX(Zone 8a)

lol good one cando. keep 'em coming.

Fort Worth, TX(Zone 8a)

She is a pretty kitty Josephine.
That is a good site AJ, but didn't see prices.
Funny one cando!!

Here is the funniest email I have seen in a while. Someone sent it to me since DH & I retired about a year ago. Mamajack if you don't laugh at this one you are hopeless!!!

*****
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day the wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?' He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a dumb a--. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.

So Mary called him a s--- head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Just then our bus arrived and we got on it and went home. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.

*******

Josephine, Arlington, TX(Zone 8a)

Very cute Sheila !!!

Ozone, AR(Zone 6a)

Love it!!!!
We retirees do need our stimulating moments!!!!

Fort Worth, TX(Zone 8a)

I thought so. It has such an unexpected ending! LOL!

Mamajack....are you MIA? Did you get in trouble again? lol!

Beaumont, TX(Zone 9a)

Sheila, you can find them at Walmart, Petsmart, and Petco. I found this one online for $26.99. Depending on size they go up to around $60.
http://www.carealotpets.com/item-detail/?ItemID=000000000001390

Southlake, TX(Zone 8a)

I was reading a fluff novel and came across these two lines about marriage:

Men marry women hoping they won't change. Women marry men hoping the DO change. Neither are ever quite satisfied. Albert Einstein

Single people go to the fridge, don't see anything they like nad go to bed. Married go to bed, don't see anything they like and go to the fridge,


NOW, before you all see me as some shrew, let me say, I got married on Monday. See pic. Note - bouquet was fresh from the garden.

Lizzy

Fate, TX(Zone 8a)

ah texas lizzy yall are beautiful. it was lovely seeing your picture.

and sheila..........thisis what i'm talkin' about. yessssssssssss! bout fell out of my chair about the bus one. that is exactly the kind of thing i could find myself in.

i got a kinky friedman for governor sticker on my car. not because i felt ol kinky could lead texas better but as a protest for "politics as usual". can't talk politics on daves so i'll let that alone. but....i got stopped by a policeman here in rockwall. he walks up to my window and looks around and then states to me...........you have a marijuana seed in your van. and i calmly sat there and let my eyes bug out at him and laughed.
where was he coming from? he made the seed thing up out of whole cloth and i couldn't figure it out. but....he wanted to search my van and i am grinning as big as a possum. i am thinking he can't do that without a warrant but if i make him get a warrant i could be on the side of the road for some time. so i let him. he even got reinforcements in to "guard" me while he searched. well he never did find his marijuana seed but he did have to wade through a whole bunch of garbage from the sonic which made me clap my hands in glee. the new cop that was guarding me took a new stance just getting ready for whatever he thought i might try next. and the only thing i could ever figure that brought that on was the kinky friedman sticker.

another time a fate cop stopped me and my sister was a passenger. she had no seat belt on. well i went off on him like nobody;'s business. whatever happened to cops like andy taylor? cops are supposed to help people not follow them around looking for stupid infractions and then if they do find a stupid infraction then what's wrong with warning people. why do all cops have to be like barney fife instead of andy taylor? i kept on and on about andy taylor. he never saw that one coming. he was so young i don't even know if he knew who andy taylor was but he didn't write us a ticket. that is the first time i can tell you. maybe he felt i was "touched" in the head.

Fort Worth, TX(Zone 8a)

Lizzy, congratulations!! I hope you and your new DH have many years of wedded bliss. Love your bouquet, too!! Y'all look so happy!

Southlake, TX(Zone 8a)

Thanks for the congrats - we have been together for 7 years. All this did was legally go change my last name. First time I married a man named Colin, pronounced like Colin Powell. At my engagement party my mom told my future FIL that we should have 5 kids and name them:

ascending, descending, sigmoid, transvers and let's not forget semi.

So for 26 years I have had a last name the reminds everyone that my ex is full of _ _ _ _. You get what I mean. I am going for my AC teachers certificate, I could alreayd hear the jokes from the kids.

There was no wedding, just a trip to Southlake Town Square in front of the JP and then out to dinner.

Josephine, Arlington, TX(Zone 8a)

Congratulations!!! TexasLzzy and Husband.
Josephine.

Fort Worth, TX(Zone 8a)

Good for you Liz!!! I don't remember him being at the RU this last April, so make sure you bring him in Oct!! Nice picture for sure, you both look georgeous as does the boquet!!

The Colin kids was a hoot!! Hope this new name won't bring on the kidding as you go into teaching. Way to go on that too!! Life changes fast sometimes...enjoy the ride.

OK...for my funny of the day....
My sister has two kids (grown now) and when they were young they were told to wash their hands and come eat. As they got to the table, the younger boy said he needed to pee.... and went to down the hall to the bathroom. His older sister kept her eyes peeled on the hallway and immediately asked him when he returned..."Did you wash your hands again??". His response was ... "No..I didn't have to...I didn't hold on to it".

Rowlett, TX(Zone 8a)

Congratulations, TexasLizzy!

Carla

Fate, TX(Zone 8a)

LOL good one sheila. made me laugh out loud.

lizzy what's your new name so we can find a new way to make fun of you? maybe we'll have a contest. i'll send the winner a cents off coupon for a fleets enema or something in memory of your old name.

Southlake, TX(Zone 8a)

ROTFLMAO - can I say that on DG?

When I read this to Rob (DH) we both were cracking up. Mama - you are a card!

I won't tell you new last name, but have been using it on DG since I joined. Those of you who are industrious and know of a way to look up names and addresses will be able to find it.

With Jackson's death and the debate over who is the king of pop/rock and roll, you will have some fun with my last name - at least that is a hint. BTW, I mean no disrespect to the passing of someone who has such a lasting effect on music in the last 40 years..

Fort Worth, TX(Zone 8a)

Ppppbbbbbttt!!!!.. :-P~ coffee all over my computer...thanks mamaj!!

Fate, TX(Zone 8a)

well girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlllll you and me we KNOW who the king was. i peeked. my very first email address was

[email protected]

ol michael jackson was such a cute little boy. i loved him and his music. didn't always agree with that lifestyle. the rich and famous just get weirder and weirder. sooner or later the pendulum has got to swing back the other way doncha think?

i don't get britney spears. she was southern grown and southern bred. and that ain't the way we do it down here. is it? so i think she truly is mental....bipolar or something.

Fort Worth, TX(Zone 8a)

I think the spotlight does something to stars and they no longer can be "normal". Like Lea Ann Rhimes, the other night on some show; I didn't even see a hint that it was her other than they said it was. Now our friend Reba don't change hon, she is southern for life!

Fate, TX(Zone 8a)

but now sheila even ol reba has had a little surgery, hasn't she? and another thing i heard about reba from a person who works bands and events.........that reba ain't nice to the little people. i hope she ain't your cousin?

Fort Worth, TX(Zone 8a)

I guess I am talking mentally sound as far as Reba. But even if she had work, at least you can still recognize her.

Fate, TX(Zone 8a)

lol. isn't joan rivers a mess? and priscilla presley? good Lord what were they thinking? but it's also sad to me that these beautiful women had this happen to them. so this subject is no longer allowed. lol. doesn't anybody have a kid story?

my son is "learning his lesson" this summer. he is working for a good friend of mine because he chose not to work during his school term. i miss him soooooooooo bad.

Houston, TX(Zone 9a)

I have a good grandkids story. I've been keeping some of my little darlin's since schools out. I had the 3 year old and 4 year old brothers the other day. The older one is very affectionate and tries to take care of his brother. Little brother was getting tired and fussy and big brother kept trying to hug and kiss on him and say "it's okay Andrew, I'm here, it's okay". Andrew was getting ticked off at the huggy attention and just wanted to be left alone. Finally, the older one, Cristian, backed up and put his hands on his hips and said "Just what is your problem young man?" I nearly fell out of the chair laugning. That coming from a 4 year old to his larger 3 year old brother was just hysterical. Kids can come up with some of the darndest things.

(Elizabeth) DFW Area, TX

That's precious, crowellli! My two boys were only a year apart, so I can so picture that!

Alba, TX(Zone 8a)

mamajack I'm sorry to reply so late...It was a very full weekend. The puppy is a Welch Pembroke Corgi. They come from Wales. They are Queen Elizabeth's favorites. Also Ducky's on NCIS. There are also Welch Cardigan Corgis. Some Pembroke's have tails some don't. Cardis should always have tails. They belong to the hearding group.

TexasLizzie, belated congrats on the nuptuals. What a lovely couple you guy make!

And crowelli, adorable grandkids. I have two boys almost a year apart (almost all grown up now--will they ever completely?!?), when they were small they behaved more like twins.

As for the movie stars, I think a lot of them have handlers who tell them when to wake up, when to go to bed, what to wear, what to say and when, what pills to pop in the morning, in the evening, and in between. Every little twinge, misstep, or symptom gets a pill. They forget to think for themselves and just go with the flow. Its not a job, its an industry. I wasn't born in the South, but as DH will attest, having someone tell me how to live my life is NOT the life for me =)!

Fate, TX(Zone 8a)

and the girl with the canna that i want has reported in. and reckon ol queenie lets them corgi's touch her since we had a near international incident about that and michelle obama. i like the royals but good grief............it's 2009!! we ain't exactly cutting heads off any more are we? where did you tell me you were born? i am sure someone as nice as you though has relatives all over the south. i'm not really a "southern snob" but i do like to pick. lol who is ducky?

those little boys are so cute. love that red hair. where'd he get that?

Southlake, TX(Zone 8a)

Those boys are just TOO CUTE! I can't wait to be a grandma. Right now all I have is a grand puppy. Basset that is 4 months old. She is staying at Camp Grandma's while my daughter is out west for work and vacation.

Here she is helping me garden.

Lizzy

Fate, TX(Zone 8a)

that garden is NOT in texas. i have a garden that is in texas but mine appears burned up. that one does not. so where is it? lol. here puppy, puppy, puppy.

Fort Worth, TX(Zone 8a)

Cute pup Lizzy, and nice garden!!
Mamajack....If you want to pay as much for the water bill as you do your house payment ...you too can have a green garden in Texas. LOL!

Fate, TX(Zone 8a)

cheater. lol. is your garden very big? do you have good dirt? everything is so pretty and green at your place. i broke down today and watered my crispy little critters.

Southlake, TX(Zone 8a)

The puppy is a handful. Whne Rob and I first got together 7 years ago I really thoguht I would like to have another baby. Just having this puppy tells me I am too old for this. Granted we did get the great danes, but I always get them in pairs so they play wiht each other and don't require as much of my attention.


I do water, but not much. The bed took over year to prep. remember I am CHEAP - not furgal, but CHEAP! So we amended wiht grass clippings for a year, tilled in fall and then created the BEST HOSTA garden in town. Two years after that, all the trees came down in a storm. We purchased two Chinese Pistache, moved the hostas to under a live oak, and again, prepped for 6 months until I could plant again. I knew someone with horses got a bunch of manure, composted fast with fall leaves and then tilled in the new beds. That was 3 years ago. I keep adding and deleting. I alos HEAVILY mulch (free from some tree cutting guy) twice a year. Thus we REALLY try to keep the water down. Our water bill so far has been only 10% more than 3 months ago.

thanks for the compliments on it. DH thinks it is too much like a jungle out there. But the closer the plants, the less likely weeds can a get a foothold in. Difficult to get excited about weeding in 100 degree heat.

Fate, TX(Zone 8a)

that what you said in the last paragraph is true. about the dh's thinking it's a jungle as well as what you said about the weeds. most men do not like my garden. while most women do.

Southlake, TX(Zone 8a)

We are in a constant battle of order and chaos in gardening styles. I have always favored the floppy cottage look, and Rob likes the more ordered look. After our years together, we have both changed and now accept gardening styles the other likes.

We used to tease that he is the landscaper and I am the gardener. he designs and comes up with ideas and I implement and maintain. I have to admit I love it when my hands are dirty from gardening.

Houston, TX(Zone 9a)

I read these threads and think of things I mean to answer, then forget who asked. Duh! Oldtimers disease. To whoever asked who Ducky is, he's a character that's played by Scotsman David McCallum on the t.v. show NCIS. For those as old as me, he also played Ilya Kuryakin on The Man From U.N.C.L.E. years ago. NCIS is one of my favorite shows. I want to be Ziva when I grow up!

Isn't Texas gardening a challenge? My water bill this month was nearly as much as the electric. What a shock. I should have had a separate meter installed when we did the sprinkler system. Then I wouldn't have to pay sewer charges on that water, which is what half the bill is. It might be worth having it retro fitted. Anyone done this and is it worth it?

I love the Corgi. Texas Lizzy, on your Great Danes, are they male & female? I have a friend who does Dane rescues. She always has at least one and usually more. She's been wanting a harlequin. They're beautiful dogs. I'm partial to Boxers myself. I just love their expressive faces and goofy personality. My current one is a fawn classy with black mask. She a sweetheart.

The redhead comes from my side of the family. We're of Scots-Irish decent, so lots of redheads. Unfortunately, it missed me. I have the pale complexion, but missed the hair. I've always wished I was a redhead. When I did chemo a couple of years ago and all my hair fell out, I was hoping it would come back red and curly. Didn't work :)

We finally got some rain late yesterday. Now it's a steam bath outside.
All y'all stay cool. Don't overdo in the garden in this heat. Them weeds 'ill still be there when it cools off a little.

Southlake, TX(Zone 8a)

they are both girls. Princess and Hera. Hera is a harlequin and Princess is black with white on her neck and some toes. Princess is to small to show, in fact neither is good enough on confirmation to show. But that doesn't mean we don't love them any less.

Here is a pic

Southlake, TX(Zone 8a)

Ok here it is. Note the stuffed animal between them. They do love their babies!

Fate, TX(Zone 8a)

they seem at any moment that silliness might overtake them causing them to bolt into action. lol.

Fort Worth, TX(Zone 8a)

I love the floppy cottage look too. I don't go by any rules, rhymes or reasons. DH wants to keep cutting back some things that grow big or tall, but I try talking him out of it most of the time. We have finally come to an agreement on things some what. He does the deck plants hanging baskets and such; and I have charge of the yard.

And of course the more plants we put in the less mowing there is!!!

Southlake, TX(Zone 8a)

ahh if only i could get Rob to understnad that NO grass would be far more ecologically favorable. But he does like the short green stuff. But we are down to little yard.

Fort Worth, TX(Zone 8a)

I don't think we will be adding any more flower beds. I have way more now than I can take care of. But it is at least 35% beds now I would say.

Fort Worth, TX(Zone 8a)

Ok....this is Mama's funny thread and we haven't given her a laugh for a while.
My Mother came to visit on evening when my son was about 5. At bath time he wanted to show her he could run his own bath water. He had just learned how that week. She told him to wait a minute before he started, that the tub needed cleaning and started to scrub it.
As she began, he started shouting "No, no ...Grandma!!....don't do that.... I won't know how high to make my water!".

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