where are all the funny, laughing, giggling people?

Fate, TX(Zone 8a)

hahahahaha it took me a minute to get it but when i did i laughed out loud. sheila you are full of 'em.

Houston, TX(Zone 9a)

That's too funny! I'm definitely more Erma Bombeck than Martha Stewart when it comes to housekeeping, so now my ring in the tub has a legitimate reason! Thanks for the giggle.

Tolleson, AZ(Zone 9a)

LOL Sheila that was great and I too am more Erma Bombeck and think that is a great explanation for a ring in the tub :o)

Fate, TX(Zone 8a)

and me....i just aspire to be erma. be back after the 4th. yall have a good one and keep the laughs going while i'm gone.

happy independence day. God bless america and esp. texas.

Fort Worth, TX(Zone 8a)

Get us started then leave! Have a great one.

Fate, TX(Zone 8a)

well i ain't gone yet. had to clean and go fight walmart over a tire they sold me in jan. had a bubble and they wanted to charge me 25.00 more dollars for a new one. I HIT THE FAN RIGHT IN WALMART let me tell you. suddenly the total dropped to zero which is where it should have been upon my arrival. and while i was there a girl came in having just left there earlier in the day after an oil change. they did something that allowed her to start her car and drive off but after she got down the road it quit and for over an hour she was stranded. she came in a bit huffy herself as the temps ARE back up in the 90's telling them that she wanted a complete refund on her oil change and i believe they said not a word while they handed her the money. the timing was good for me. lol. fight 'em all girls. don't let any of them take advantage of you. stand up for your rights. and by all means tell your daughters. go fight win.

and don't forget that saturday is AMERICA'S BIRTHDAY. let all the danged politicians know that there are some people that still love her.

Southlake, TX(Zone 8a)

Computer is acting funny - this is the third time I have tried to post this story.

My only child's birthday is Christmas. Aroundhere she is refered to as Princess Kate. Obviouslly we make a big deal of her birthday. We are also quite big into stockings. It is not uncommon to get multiple stockings. Whne she was little and really into art, stuff I wuld normally buy during the year were used for her stocking, tape, crayons, markers, etc. As she grew it changed to hair supplies, special Shampoos, you get the picture.


When my daughter was at that age you disucss female things and we were talking about sanitation needs, she pipes up with, "Great, now Santa will be bringing me tampons in my stocking!" Of course, you know Santa did just that and has done so for the last 12 years! Now that she is on her own, she looks forward to that stockign wiht detergent, shampoo and tampons!

Fort Worth, TX(Zone 8a)

ROFLOL!!!! That is too funny!!!
Careful what you say, it gives people ideas!!

Houston, TX(Zone 9a)

Mama, don't things like that just make your blood pressure rise? I recently had to buy a new washing machine and got it delivered from Sears. I ordered it online. The online site had a big banner that said an online rebate for $75 on all appliances over 300. I got the washer, tried to fill out the online rebate and was told it was invalid. I called, they said wait 3 days and try again. I waited, tried again and still wouldn't work. I called, got India, was told my purchase didn't qualify since I bought it online and this was valid only in stores. I asked why it was plastered all over the web site then. No good answer. I called my local Sears and asked to speak to a manager, got India again. By this time I was pretty irate. It wasn't just the 75 bucks, but they didn't seem to know what their own ads said. I wrote a letter to Sears and copied the BBB and state attorney general and said that they were guilty of false advertising. I also said I was off work due to illness, bored and didn't have anything better to do all day that sit online and put out complaints about Sears. I said I planned to call all the call-in complaint programs on local news and radio stations and blog about them. I had the 75 refunded to my credit card the same day I sent that letter. Why do we have to turn into raving nuts before they sort a problem out? I think they all decided it was better to humor me because I was probably off my meds :)

Austin, TX(Zone 8b)

Well....I saw the tag of this thread, so I'm adding my story.....which my DH didn't think was funny at first yesterday.....

Had to buy new car. Walked into showroom a couple of days ago...., told the "new guy" what we wanted and he ran out to find it. We looked car over and then told him what we'd pay for it. After the back and forth with the manager for 15 minutes, said we'd go have lunch and think about it. Not wanting to lose us, they accepted the offer, we signed some papers and drove the car home 2 hours later. Yesterday, the salesman called, and I happened to answer the phone. He cheerfully asked how I was enjoying my new car. I yelled into the phone, "So you're the one who sold a car to my husband and his new girlfriend! You have a lot of nerve calling here for her!" There was a pause and then he started hitting buttons on the phone and saying he couldn't hear and would have to try to call back.... Of course, he didn't call back, so I had to go out to my new car...in the rain..and find his card. 'Called dealership back and asked for him, and could hear the amusement in the receptionist's voice. When salesman got on the line, he said I "really had him going." He ran to explain to the manager, who told him "it had to be the wife"...because he had seen both the driver's licenses the day before. I think this story will be repeated in their next sales meeting....

Houston, TX(Zone 9a)

Oh, Bubbles, I wish I'd thought of that! I can just imagine that salesman's reaction. I bet the whole dealership knows how he was taken in on it. You'll be the talk of the showroom for quite some time, I'm sure.

Fort Worth, TX(Zone 8a)

ROFLOL!!!!
Crow!!! You stinker you, way to rumble!!! I know how deceptive ads are and if you don't watch it you can get ripped off big time.
Now go take your meds.....lol!

ROFLOL!! Bubbles that is priceless, you should tell the car dealership you want royalty for when they use it in their commercial. LOL!! You tell DH it is definately funny, and quit feeling sorry for the guy, he will retell that himself for years!!

Austin, TX(Zone 8b)

Salesman was making me crazy using "we"....as in "what color are we looking for?"......"where are we employed?"...."are we thinking of financing?"... On the last one, I said, "I don't know...do you want to, ...are we?" He laughed and said, "Well, I sure didn't mean me!" I figure he owed me for being so obnoxious! And I really don't know what possessed me to say what I did on the phone, but if you could have seen my husband's face......priceless. DH had no idea who I was talking to until I said, "Oops, I think he hung up on me!"
Bless his heart.......I'm sure the sales mtg this morning was a hoot!!!!

Southlake, TX(Zone 8a)

that's HILARIOUS!

Desoto, TX(Zone 8a)

Oh Man, have I ever missed you guys. PC went down last week and I have been havin' a regular ole Texas fit. Finally got a new iMac this weekend and got on line tonight, or is it morning??, 4:03AM.

Couldn't sleep but guess I'll go give it another try.

Barbara, thanks for being one of the greatest of the greats!

Christi

Fate, TX(Zone 8a)

yall are killing me. i will comment to each when i get home tonight. gotta go to work right now but i am going to be snickering all day over these stories. bigbubbles you gotta be kin to me some how some way. i'm claimin' you anyway.

good to see you here lucy. it's good to laugh even if for just a little while.

(Phyllis) Flint,, TX(Zone 7b)

*jumps into room* TADA..surprise ...I found all y'all ..nope I isn't dead .....just kinda lost for a bit....LOL

as alot of you know my oldest is getting married here at the house in sept so dh and I have been busy workin in the yard and gardens trying to keep up with the weeds and watering to keep things green.
I've been busy making lace basket on the embroidery machine and putting them together.

I'm glad I stumbled in needed the laughs from above.

5 Minute Management Course
Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in
front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable
exposure..


Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up
her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It
said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch
when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas
, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii ,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina
Coladas and the love of my life.'

Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.



Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and
do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the
turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on
some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough
strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of
the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Sh** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize
how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow
dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who sh**s on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh** is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep sh**, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Fate, TX(Zone 8a)

mibus so glad to hear from you. lesson 1 and lesson 3 were my favorites.

well..........i got another police story. lol. got a speeding ticket in new mexico. my kids can't even believe i get speeding tickets because they and their friends identify me as the car with a string of other cars behind me.

has anybody ever been to new mexico and got a speeding ticket? i swear they pick on texans. i was following this girl who passed me on the mountain pass. i was going about 10 miles an hour in that curve on that mountain. it was so scary. after i got out of the pass she was a good bit ahead. i kicked it on up to 78 miles per hour and couldn't ever even gain on her even after several miles down the road. after the policeman let her pass he got me. she was from new mexico. am i whining about the luck of the draw or has anyone else had this happen to them?

(Phyllis) Flint,, TX(Zone 7b)

never ben to new mexico so cant say but I would guess if he let her pass then he is pickin on ya

Goldthwaite, TX(Zone 8a)

LOL That girl was his daughter driving the speedy little car he had bought her.

(Phyllis) Flint,, TX(Zone 7b)

ROFLMAO that could be uh

Desoto, TX(Zone 8a)

Man alive, how I have missed you guys!

Christi

(Phyllis) Flint,, TX(Zone 7b)

withdrawals stink dont they lol

Fort Worth, TX(Zone 8a)

Hey there Phylis and Patricia....good to see you jump in.
Christi... Glad you have the new computer and won't miss out on this silly thread.
Welcome back Barbara... I did get a ticket in NM back in the mid 70's does that count? I was headed from FW to Colorado Spgs. It was about 2 o'clock in the morning and not a soul on the road. Guess my foot had gotten a little heavy. Everyone else in the car was asleep until I topped the hill and he clocked me. He just told me to mail it in. Glad I wasn't in the car alone, it was pretty scary being out there before dawn on a lonely road. They all woke up for some reason when he pulled me over. LOL!

Fate, TX(Zone 8a)

well see there you have it. that's 2 of us texans that have gotten tickets in new mexico. if that ain't proof i don't know what is. lol

patrob.........you have better menopause weaponry than me. now i'm gonna have to be mad about that.

Austin, TX(Zone 8b)

I posted this in garden design...to explain why I had two very large stone balls in my backyard........

One spring morning, a neighbor 5 houses up from us called to tell us the smaller ball had been rolled up the hill overnight and left in their yard. I remembered seeing a young boy fooling around with the ball a few nights before when I was walking the dog. He was walking his dog at the time and I figured he was just curious. I now was pretty sure he was at least one of the rollers. And a few days later, I saw a man walking that same dog and asked if he had a son about 12…and he did. I told him about the big stone ball and he laughed and said, “Well, boys will be boys!”
We put the rolled ball into the back yard for safe keeping. ‘And hired someone to sink the bigger ball into the bed until it looked more like a giant eyeball.

Fast forward 5 yrs. Doorbell at 6 AM. Giant motorcycle cop at the door. He asked if we owned a big stone ball….and then added, “It just took out a rock mailbox and a Camaro.” After we changed out of pjs, DH headed down the hill and I walked with the deputy. The vandals had rocked the big ball until they could roll it to the street, then pushed it down the hill. (we live on a steep hill) Three doors down it hit the mailbox, then gathered speed by the time it hit the car. While we were looking at the damage to the mailbox, I asked deputy if he thought we were going to be responsible, thinking this is going to be expensive. He said no, that we were vandalized just like the others, and that ‘they’ had also smashed mailboxes one street over. I told him about the other ball and how we had kept it in the back because some little twirp stole it and his dad thought it was amusing. So we got to the bottom of the hill, and there parked on the street was a new black Camaro…trunk area smashed in from the first hit. Then the ball had bounced back and rammed it again, wedging between the curb and the driver’s door. Car was pretty much a mess. The young man that owned the car was sitting on the curb, head in hands. I stepped up and told him how sorry we were, and that we’d get the ball removed as soon as possible. I don’t remember what he said, but I asked, “Do you still have that blue spotted dog?” He said, “Yes…..” And I walked over to the deputy and whispered… “The Camaro belongs to the boy who stole the first ball five years ago!” He really laughed and said, “What goes ‘round, comes ‘round!”
DH and I were trying to figure how we’d ever get the ball out…and then up the hill again. Deputy said he’d take care of it. ‘That when he went out on a call at that time of the day it was usually a bad wreck or domestic violence. He thought this was a good call. So he got the fire dept. to come…and the rappellers, who just happened to be there getting ready to go to train on the cliffs. And they strapped the ball to a cart and hauled it up the hill…and into the backyard.
The dad called and insisted we pay for the car damage. I referred him to our insurance co., who told him no. So he showed up at the house and told me he was going to sue us. I was a little uneasy, but I did remind him that his son stole the first ball. We didn’t hear from him again….and that would be the end of the story…except….
the next week, we had a storm and a huge tree limb crashed down on top of the Camaro where it was still parked in the street…………..Karma…

Austin, TX(Zone 8b)

And here's the ball......

Josephine, Arlington, TX(Zone 8a)

I call that Poetic Justice.

Southlake, TX(Zone 8a)

I just read this out loud to DH and I thought we were both going to wet our pants from laughing so hard. Love the picture! Karma indeed!

Austin, TX(Zone 8b)

Well, without the photo....it coulda just been a "story"......

Goldthwaite, TX(Zone 8a)

Defintely Karma! I love it!

Fort Worth, TX(Zone 8a)

Good one bubbles! Karma indeed!!
Liz...I also read to DH and we had a good laugh.

Fate, TX(Zone 8a)

bubbles i always hear what goes around comes around but don't really believe it sometimes especially if i am wanting revenge right then. this is the sweetest story i have ever heard. wouldn't even believe that that dad could be so stupid but i recently met my sister;s almost renter. he wanted to rent her house so badly. but he and his mama had to go and steal some plants from her yard THAT I TOLD HIM HE WAS NOT TO TAKE. he did it anyway and lied out his teeth BUT I SAW HIM. told him so and he called me a liar and now he doesn't get to rent from my sister. he came over to see me and make amends........cried even. told him he and his mama were crazy freaks and to stay away from me. he told me that other people thought she was crazy too. lol. anyway that is the way i like it. same day stuff so i know it got done.

Fort Worth, TX(Zone 8a)

If he had asked you for the plants you more than likely would have given them a start. People just don't think....but it will come back and bite him later.

Austin, TX(Zone 8b)

Your sister is lucky you refused to rent to him.....sounds like a person that would destroy the property and take off without paying rent to boot!

Fate, TX(Zone 8a)

i did tell them they could have ONE. there were 8 -12 out there. saw them get 2 and told them to STOP!! left to call my sister and when i came back they were all gone but one. and his story is they only got 2. told him i understood that that was his story and that that was fine but that it wasn't MY STORY. the creep further said he didn't mean to come between me and my sister. I informed him that he wasn't powerful enough to do that. i haven't been this mad in a long time. and see he thinks it's about the plants. tried telling him as far as i was concerned he and his mama were a pack of thieves and liars and my sister had to make me not call the cops. he couldn't believe that i wasn't buying his story. i could just see it in his eyes. have you ever been near a person that "felt" evil? that's how i reacted to his mama. my heart pounded for hours afterward.

Copperas Cove, TX(Zone 8b)

Good to see some laughing smiling faces on here, lol. The cop stories remind me of coming home from Tulsa with a large hibiscus in the back of my suburban that the leaves looked like marijuana I guess. My husband is Hawaiian and we got pulled over and searched for no reason. I joked and told him I bet the cop saw those leaves and thought he was a drug runner, lol. The first thing he did after pulling his gun on us was tell us to get out of the car with our hands on the hood. Opened the back door of the suburban and his face fell and he said you can go on your way now. I was livid but then when I realized what he thought I cracked up and teased my husband all the way home, lol.

Fort Worth, TX(Zone 8a)

Some one traveling along side you may have reported it by cell phone. LOL!
I did have one out front one year and it didn't do well at all. I often wonder if neighborhood kids were stealing the leaves. LOL!

Copperas Cove, TX(Zone 8b)

That was a red leaf one and didn't come back in the spring. The windows were tinted so I imagine it would have looked like the real thing until he opened the door and saw the color, lol. The texas star hibiscus looks a lot like it as well, lol. The cop down the street thought so anyway, lol. He actually asked me about it when he was walking his dog and said Miss, do you know what that plant is? I thought he was just admiring it at first until I saw him frowning, lol. He didn't really believe me until it started blooming then the next time I saw him he asked me for seeds, lol.

Fate, TX(Zone 8a)

now i'm really mad. i planted hibiscus cannabinus all over my place just hoping the county boys would show up. and no one came.

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