where are all the funny, laughing, giggling people?

Fort Worth, TX(Zone 8a)

LOL!!

(Phyllis) Flint,, TX(Zone 7b)

Well I suppose everyone is in bed now ...started out teh normal; stay at hoem day until my daughter texted me back wtih the phone number to the people down by willis that had a truck for sale....DH called and talked to them then said to me Well.....I said well what....he said when we goin to look...I said when ya wanna go and he said now so here we were at 11:30-12 headed to Willis TX....got there around 3 ...Nice truck ...did teh bickering thing so to speak ...got the price went to Humble to daughters had dinner at Joe's Crab Shack...went back to where the truck was paid them got in and came home ...sooo Everyone form Tyler to Humble I sure hope ya know I thought of all of ya today as I drove down and back and wished I would have had time to stop and visit.

Fort Worth, TX(Zone 8a)

Well it was an uneventful day for me; but not for my Sister. She got a call at work just after lunch from my BIL to tell her there had been a fire. Not their property, but his brother's that lives next to them. It didn't get his main house, but did destroy a large building he built a few years ago to house emu in. Had a lot of his bird equipment and furniture etc. stored inside. Could have been much worse since it was headed for my sister's place. BIL works nights and had just woke up, and went to his DBro's house and woke him (he was home sick). After she called me late this afternoon to tell me that.....she got another call.

Her 4 year DGD called and said..."hey Nana guess what...I am going to be a big sister!!" They had let her be the messenger of the good news. So the day ended on a happy note at least.

Austin, TX(Zone 8b)

We moved into this house nearly 30 yrs ago. It was the first occupied home on the hilltop in a little country club community. My MIL, from Illinois, came to visit soon after ...a no nonsense German woman (who will celebrate her 100th birthday July 26). We took her to all the local tourist spots on a nice spring day. Returning home, it was time for naps and showers before leaving again for dinner. I ran upstairs..... removed my contacts and clothes, and preceded to enter the shower. That's when I saw what I perceived as a leather ribbon my daughter must have left on the floor of the bathroom. As I blindly stooped to pick it up, it began to undulate and move along the wall...and I screamed bloody murder! Jumped in the shower, glass door pulled tight, and screamed for my husband. Well, he was "napping" downstairs. It was spring, AC was on, no one downstairs could hear me. Got up the courage to stick my hands out the shower door, opened the little adjacent window and yelled, but windows downstairs were closed and AC drowned me out . I finally figured out I could jump out the back of the shower, stuff a towel under the door, and scream at the top of my lungs from the upstairs landing.

Wrapped in a half-folded robe, I yelled from the top of the stairs..."snake, snake,snake,,," Did I mention the part about the no-nonsense German woman? She hit the bottom of the stairs with her little short arms on her hips and hissed...."Everyone's asleep. What the devil are you yelling for?" And putting my entire marriage in jeopardy, I screamed at her, " I have a %&^$#^^%^& snake in my bathroom! How 'bout that?" Without another word, she woke my husband...her son...who was also a Yankee... and told him I was screaming about a snake. He came a-runnin...not sure if it was because of the snake...or figuring he was going to have to run interference between mom and wife. While the rest of us stayed downstairs, he ran up...and then down ...incredibly, with a paper bag!!!! Past us and outside, he returned and announced it WAS a snake, but he had let it go in the street! What? Well..., excuse me..."I heard they run in pairs! I'm not sleeping up there until you find the other one!!!!!"
It took my daughter's 2nd grade teacher to convince me to sleep upstairs again. She claimed it was a cedar racer that got in because I left my upstairs deck door open while I watered my new petunias. She retired that year, and I still have that niggling feeling that DH paid her off to tell me that so I'd return to sleep upstairs...We don't have cedar racers...

Fort Worth, TX(Zone 8a)

LOL!! I don't care what kind it was I wouldn't share a bathroom with it either!

Copperas Cove, TX(Zone 8b)

Uhhh, I hate snakes. We went to a BBQ out in the country on July 4th and had never been to this couples house as most get togethers had been held at their parents house. They had a really nice huge studio across the back of the house with a restroom. I went inside to find it and a young boy said look it the toilet before you sit down. We found a snake in there yesterday. Needless to say I held it for a long time til the same little boy said come on, you can use the one in the house, lol. I figured if I sat on that toilet one would come up and bite me in the butt, lol.

(Phyllis) Flint,, TX(Zone 7b)

OMG I would have been joining you in the yelling
they are not cold they are not slimy and I don't care a snake is a snake
wiggle one in front of me and you will see your death in my eyes LOL

I was cleaning out a flower bed for a guy in town (paying job) and there was one in the EE's and it startled me and I can tell you it is no more unless it grows from the lil pieces the shovel chopped it into

Austin, TX(Zone 8b)

My DD just called me from Dallas a bit ago. They are up for a wedding tomorrow. Today was the bridal luncheon, and DD somehow got stuck beside groom's gramma...and no one was talking to her. Soooo...DD decided to entertain Gramma with stories about her mother! She said pretty soon, the whole table was listening because Gramma was laughing so loudly. I'm just not sure that's a compliment, is it?

(Phyllis) Flint,, TX(Zone 7b)

why sure it is ...it shows mom is a fun and entertaining person ...hehehehe

Southlake, TX(Zone 8a)

i would ABSOLUTELY take that as a compliment. My DD has tlaked about me that way all the time.

Copperas Cove, TX(Zone 8b)

Lol, my daughter wouldn't talk about me unless I was a japanese cartoon. She is fascinated with all things japanese now, lol. My husband laughs at me and my fear of snakes. I used to live out in the country in Lousiana with every kind of snake known to mankind as all huge, lol. I would walk out the front door and find them sunning on the porch. You should have seen me backpedel and scream and fall backwards through the door, lol. One day ex hubby and I were building a rabbit cage between two trees and I was holding a 2x4 up to see if it was long enough to fit between two trees and he says don't move just back up real slow..... I looked down and there was a huge rattlesnake curled up in the dead leaves. I swung around with the board still in the air and knocked him down right beside the snake, lol. I guess thats why he is my ex..... ya think? Lol. Too bad it scared the snake and he ran away, lol. I used to have nightmare when I lived there that a snake was in the bed and I would jump up screaming and yelling theres a snake in the bed, lol. Now a large worm is enough to make me scream, lol.

Austin, TX(Zone 8b)

That's too funny!!!!

Fort Worth, TX(Zone 8a)

Speaking of ex-husbands.....I apologize in advance ....TMI I know.
My first husband and I married at 19 and he used to do the "pull my finger" until it didn't work anymore. After that he would let gas in bed then grab the covers and pull them over my head. Keeping that in mind.....
I was standing at the door one evening between the storm door and wooden door watching as the dog when out for a break. Well I passed a really foul green cloud...then it came to me!!
I called the exDH to come to the door. "I think there is a gas leak...I can smell gas...come here and see if you do". Well he jumped up and into the doorway leaned, opened the storm door and inhaled really big. LOL!!
I had a blue mark on my arm for a week but oh was it priceless payback!!

Copperas Cove, TX(Zone 8b)

Was he from Louisiana, lol. Sounds like mine. Glad you got him back, lol. Am I the only one getting that stupid ad at the top of each page on DG? Its for barnlight electric. Every time I try to hit skip to new it opens bigger and I end up clicking it. What a pain.

Fort Worth, TX(Zone 8a)

I have opted out of seeing the ads. You can change your preferences and do away with them. It is under "my info".

(Phyllis) Flint,, TX(Zone 7b)

ROFL ...I know the pull my finger and the sheet thing too but on the snake thing my youngest girl has the same feeling I do for them when she was little when the Indiana Jones movie came out with the snakes we spent one night basically taking her room apart to prove to her there were no snakes in her room since the lovely XDH thought it was okay for her to watch the movie too.. of course after we first moved here my oldest girl has one of the guys from work stop out and as we were walking around he thought he saw a black snake? on one of the shrubs ..... anyway Shelly was in the back of her truck so fast it was funny

Southlake, TX(Zone 8a)

Good thing she never saw Snakes on a Plane.

(Phyllis) Flint,, TX(Zone 7b)

oh very true and after that night of the bedroom and X knew she was afraid she took her in to a pet store at the mall in Champaign IL one Easter when my mom and I were getting the girls shoes and we heard her scream across the mall hall way and I knew what he had done.......grr men sometimes but we laugh now

Colleyville, TX(Zone 8a)

Great stories. I never realized what "stinkers" some of you were! Still laughing about yours, Sheila.

Fort Worth, TX(Zone 8a)

Like the 75 Grandma on America's Got Talent said the other night...."It's all true". LOL!

Copperas Cove, TX(Zone 8b)

Lol, well current hubby got me today. I told him about the snakes and the how we were joking about them and he knows I am terrified of them so he just happened to find a snake shed skin and put it in my outdoor trash can and sent me to throw something away and heard me scream bloody murder. Every neighbor on my block came outside to see what was wrong. The one next door yelled its ok, she must have seen another snake, lol. Then every blade of grass laying on the ground became a snake for the rest of the evening and then....... I said were did you find that skin anyway? He said next to the golfish pond. Well thats the end of me trimming your lilly pads and he's big enough now to eat your fish. Now who is worried, lol. EVIL men. deserve payback.

Rowlett, TX(Zone 8a)

Pulling fingers and scaring us with snakes ... it's no wonder I'm single.

Carla

(Phyllis) Flint,, TX(Zone 7b)

OK I have to post this jsut casue of our talk of snakes
Long story but lots of laughs along the way.

Garden Snakes
Garden Grass Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why.

A couple in Sweetwater , Texas , had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.

It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.
She let out a very loud scream.
The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.

He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it.. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.
His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.

The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.

About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.

But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.

The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.

The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.

By now, the police had arrived. Breath here......

They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake.

The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.

Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.

The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.

Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).

Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world.

A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.

And that's when he shot her.

Copperas Cove, TX(Zone 8b)

Roflmao. Sounds like me when I see a snake. The heart attack will be what kills me not the snake bite, lol.

Fate, TX(Zone 8a)

i'm back and yall have kept this thread going. one of the things my kids and i did was visit my best girl friend from high school. they had a horseshoer come out for their horses while we were there. while he was shoeing the gelding the gelding was nosing his pockets and then his butt. my daughter was holding the reins. he asked if that was King the horse or e.v. my daughter. you shoulda seen e.v.'s reaction. this 'ol boy was from texas yall. terrell to be exact and later austin. he had met willie and kinky and jerry jeff and george. called himself a horseshoer and not a ferrier because he said it sounded gay and he didn't think his boyfriend would like it. he kept my kids in stitches the whole time he was working.

Desoto, TX(Zone 8a)

Barb, you won't believe the dayliliies aka Aaron! The little rain we had this morning really helped.

Christi

Copperas Cove, TX(Zone 8b)

I got 3 sprinkles but at least it was cool enough to finally do some weeding, lol. I thought at first it was sweat dripping on me from above. My daughter abandoned me quickly. I asked her to water the pots while I weeded the beds. She said its raining so I don't have to water while you weed and poof she was gone as quick the raindrops, lol. Gotta work on that girl. She only likes to pick all the flowers, lol.

Fate, TX(Zone 8a)

lucy i absolutely can not wait for next year when i know you are going to have blooms. it is going to be wonderful to see them and know who they are finally.

it rained here but i know not how much. the ground was wet when i got up but i bet that's all. oh well. temps are lower and that helps too.

Houston, TX(Zone 9a)

Mamajack, I love your "hoseshoer" story. That guy must be a barrell of laughs. My daddy was like that. The life of the party, never met a stranger and had as many funny stories as Jerry Clower. We were on a plane headed to Vegas once years ago and by the time we got there, everybody on the plane was calling him by his first name, wanted to know where he was staying, can they meet for dinner or drinks, etc. People like that just have "charisma". The only charisma I have is my bed sheets!

Y'all think it's ever going to get cool enough to start that fire back up?

Crow

Fate, TX(Zone 8a)

crow, so glad you picked this thread up again. where have all the sourpusses gone this time? haaahahahahaha get on back in here and let's getrgoin' again.

i work for a 96 yr. old lady and her 76 yr. old daughter. and then there's me at 54. what a trip this job is i am telling you. francis is the daughter. lucy is the mama. francis is nuts. bless her heart. i cook and clean and fish bath cloths out of the toilet. i'm only good at the toilet job. lucy dictates all the steps for cooking. she is old school and no matter how awful the food is lucy always beams and tells me "ooh, what a good lunch". frances says "what the H....L iz'at.?

Desoto, TX(Zone 8a)

Hey, Barb. Longtime..no see. Don't you just hate this hot weather. We have pretty much closed up and sealed the openings. Still too hot.

Fate, TX(Zone 8a)

lol. it's only just barely 100 lucy. that ain't bad for august.

Copperas Cove, TX(Zone 8b)

Yep, I can complain about being over a hundred so many days but I am glad we aren't hotter than that. I don't look forward to the hundred and teen weather at all, lol. I bet its a hoot working at your job. I love cranky elderly people, lol. Heck they earned it I reckon at their age.

Fate, TX(Zone 8a)

well.........it is a hoot........when it's all over and i am gone. lol. frances asks the same questions over and over and in the same order every morning and every midmorning and every noon and every day at closing and at all times in between. she fakes the fred sanford "Elizabeth, it's the big one" 2-3 times a week. the first time i saw that one i told her she was acting like fred sanford and she burst out laughing. ol francis is a little off but she does enjoy a good joke. lol.

Houston, TX(Zone 9a)

My word, 96 & 74! I bet it's really something around there most days. I'm 55 and I know I don't have the patience to deal with that. I'm impressed that you can do it day in and day out.

If y'all are all needing a laugh, I'll tell on myself with my latest escapade. I have lupus. It's some good days, some bad days. You never know when to expect either one, so it's a surprise every morning. I've recently had some new medical stuff pop up and they were doing all kinds of tests; MRI's, CT's, Doppler's, etc. When I was in to see the doc, she asked if I had read the whole report. I said I didn't get it. She handed me a copy. I read through it and the last paragraph said "Fatty atrophy of gluteal muscles". I cracked up. I was laughing so hard that she asked what was so funny. I told her "we'd all always suspected it, but it was now official and I had a medical diagnosis document to prove it: I have a fat a*s." She started laughing and explained that they put that to show how much the long term steroid usage was affecting my muscles. I said I liked my diagnosis better. So now, when someone asks what I've done all day, I can pull out my medical sheet and say I've sat on it all day!

Crow

Austin, TX(Zone 8b)

Loved it!!!!

Buffalo, TX(Zone 8b)

Kim,

My neighbor came to my door about ten days ago with a kitty in his hands. He said someone threw it out at his house. He said I should take it or he was going to take it down the road and throw it out again.

Here is the Kitty: I named him Tiger.

He needs a loving home. He is gentle, loving and needy for attention. He is litter box trained.

Charlene

SE Houston (Hobby), TX(Zone 9a)

From the looks of it, I'd say that kitty HAS a home!

Buffalo, TX(Zone 8b)

In addition to the little kitten, I also just rescued two young dogs. I nearly hit one of them in the middle of the main road in town. They were covered with fleas, hungry, and dehydrated.

Anyone needing a great puppy about a couple months old I have a male that looks like a black lab, with tail feathering like a shephard and brindle legs. He is very sweet and very gentle, even with the new kitty. I have taken him for his first round of shots and started him on heartgard and flea meds.

I have a big heart, but I live on the highway and it is hard to train a young dog to stay off of the highway. We are in love with him, but we just don't really have what he needs.

The other dog we found with him at the same time is now taking my daughter's heart and will remain here.

We must have SUCKER written on our foreheads, but can't stand to see an animal mistreated.

The problem is we live in a mobile home and already have more than we need to have in our care. We don't have a fenced yard, but we live on a very high speed farm to market road.

Please HELP!!

Charlene

P.S. They will bring you lots of laughter, thought I better mention that to keep on track with the forum.

Hagerstown, MD(Zone 6a)

Mama, saw the title to this thread and thought that some of us are in mid-atlantic gardens.... LOL.

Then I started reading this thread and thought wow Texans really are funny! :D

Roni

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