"I'd rather just eat cheese and crackers"

Anne Arundel,, MD(Zone 7b)

I am dealing with my mom and her broken kneecap/ leg in brace. She had ten days in excellent care at acute rehab but now is balking at subacute (in nursing home) rehab. I don't think she realizes how much work it would be for her at home right now. Leg still in straight position for a few more weeks at least. She went to the bathroom all by herself last night (in the huge and fully handicapped fitted bathroom) and thinks she's good to go.home (and not have the fear of loss of control in a new situation) Hence, instead of giving me time to arrange for a life alert system and Meals on wheels at the bare minimum, while I try to continue to manage my own household and of course will be helping her with other things. she's got the "I'd rather just eat cheese and crackers" atitude.
I am sorry to be venting, I know others have it much worse. But I know some here will understand my feelings.

Northeast, AR(Zone 7a)

How old is your mom? Has she always been independent until this broken kneecap? Most of us would rather be at home as we recover. If you buy your mom some groceries and cook up some freezable meals in single serving sizes, would your mom be able to fend for herself at home? If she's always been independent, she's probably more capable than you think. Maybe someone could stay with her a day or two til she learns to maneuver thru her house. She'll probably become independent faster than you think. And the truth is, we do heal quicker in our own comfortable environment.

I take care of my mom and she absolutely refuses to go to the hospital for anything. It is always a major fight. She was supposed to be admitted to the hospital last year for a few days for a procedure. When we got to the hospital, this feeble old woman who can barely get around at home bolted! She jumped out of the car and began walking all around the neighborhood, several blocks around the hospital in the dead of winter. She was going to walk back home, she said, if we wouldn't take her. She was NOT going to the hospital! She stubbornly walked the neighborhood for about 30 minutes, ignoring attempts to get her back in the car. Her doc happened to be leaving for lunch and saw her and stopped to see what was going on. He managed to pull some strings and get the procedure done as an outpatient service in another clinic and mom willingly agreed to it, as long as she didn't have to spend more than a few hours there.

And I have to say, I'm a lot like my mom. I like my cozy home environment, and it sounds like your mom is homesick. Could she eat sandwiches, canned soups, and such and generally tend to herself at home? Maybe you could phone in to check on her from time to time. Maybe every other day, you could help her bathe. Is there anyone else, a friend, family member, church members, who might check in on her, take her some meals, run some errands, or whatever? If I lived close, I'd be happy to help out. Being at home is really where we all want to be, especially when life beats us up in one form or another.

Anne Arundel,, MD(Zone 7b)

Mom is 90 (91 next week) and has always been "independant" and I am the only person she ever, ever calls for anything. Errands, conversation--those seem to her something that her 'friends' from her church and neigborhood of the last 50 years cannot be asked to do. This is probably my core issue. Someone staying with her would be me. I can do that for short term. I'm reluctant to cuz I have no vision of how to do that and still manage my own family.
Maybe the core issue is her not even making a phone call on her own to ask a friend for help. Maybe the issue is I am no better than she at asking for help.

Going to help her would take two hours minimum each visit, more like three.. (Travel plus doing) I figure I will be doing that no matter what for groceries.

That's some story about your mom! I'm glad they got around her protest.

Post a Reply to this Thread

Please or register to post.

Upload Images to your reply

    You may upload up to 5 images