And how was your day?

Crozet, VA

I am thinking of an idea which I hope will work out and be a blessing to anyone who drops in. I thought that the topic of Welcome Mat was appropriate for what I am planning on having here. Any and all are welcome, we just hope that if there are personal differences they be worked out between those involved and not something that includes side taking or any other childish ways of dealing with personality conflicts. I hate having to even write this, but one bad experience too many has happened and thus I open this thread with this caution in mind.

The subject line leaves this thread open to all sorts of discussions and I am hoping that it will serve as a place where people feel comfortable just coming in to talk. Most of us have many interests, not all garden related. There are a lot of forums on Dave's and some of the ones that I happen to be interested in seem a bit slow at times and don't hold my interest for too long due to lack of activity.

My favorite type of chat is one where a person can ask questions and hopefully receive answers from people who are more experienced in the area of the topic. I plan to tell a hand full of folks that I am opening this thread and I hope that each of them will join in and that it will be a place of feeling better after having been here.

So, I am short on time right at the moment, but wanted to get this started. I hope the folks I will refer here will pick up the ball and join in the chat and hopefully we will all benefit from meeting one another on here. There might be many, many miles that separate us, but kindred hearts need to unite and often stand against the negatives that many of us encounter with our daily lives.

I will close but will return. Off to do some emails.


Tolleson, AZ(Zone 9a)

Hi Ruby!!

Coral Springs, FL(Zone 10b)

Hi Ruby and Desertdenial! Hope everyone has/had a super day...

Crozet, VA

Thank you both for dropping by. One of the reasons for beginning this thread is that I was feeling a bit antsy about a forum I recently began chatting on. I was thinking yesterday along the lines of having a place that I can go and begin building a sense of community. I suppose there could be a more specific topic but in the past I have enjoyed other threads that basically end up being chat rooms of sorts, via a message board and I find it enjoyable to just keep up with folks that I find interesting and folks who may be experiencing some of the same sorts of daily issues that I run in to.

I suppose I will start by re-hashing my very, very busy yesterday. Grand children were here from 1 PM till almost 10 PM. By about 9 last night, I was whipped out. Marie, you still have youngish children and must know that little ones sure demand a lot of attention and caring for them is exhausting work.

Right at the moment, my husband is laying down with the one year old for a nap. Thank goodness they take naps, because it gives me some quiet time during their visits.

My day started out yesterday a bit earlier than normal because we had arranged to meet with the owner of a floral shop which is going out of business and is selling out her inventory. I came home with seventy two dollars worth of vases. We also purchased a display stand she had which I plan to use for displaying a good majority of my house plants when they come in during the fall. I can now begin the designing the room lay out around this monstrous thing where before I was sure what I would be using for the plants. I wasn't happy with the stands and carts I used last winter and wanted something different and hopefully better functioning.

So, if this thread gets active, be warned that you will hear me speak of this plant room often because besides taking on the repsonsibility of baby sitting grand children, the setting up of this room is my major summer project. A good portion of the summer months have already gone by and I still haven't yet emptied the room of the odd pieces of furniture and decor that needs to find new homes. When that is done, I can then decide how things will be set up in order to make the best use of the space.

Anyway.....thank you both for saying hello but I hope that you will come back and share some of your accomplishments or concerns that might be on your mind. I am convinced that people are not mind readers and unless someone tells us what they have going on in their lives, we can't fully be there for them.

When thinking of opening this thread I was thinking that many of us spend many hours online communicating with the outside world. I have often wondered who might miss me if I were to stop posting in the places that I had previously spent a lot of time. The answer is that there are not too very many that would know how to contact me and check to see that I was doing okay. If we haven't shared our outside lives with anyone on line, most would not know how to check on us. I am hoping at some point that the folks chatting here will come to a place where phone numbers are exchanged so if someone didn't show up for a period of time, that interested folks would have a way to contact the person or their family if the chatter is unable to get to the computer for what ever the reason.

This may be a pipe dream and nothing ever amount to it. I just know that I personaly have developed many great relationships due to this machine and the people it connects me with. I believe a person can't have too many friends and have open arms just waiting for someone to come inside my embrace and let share the things I have learned about living life to the best of our abilities.

Anyway......kind of rambling at this point. Hope to hear from you again and hope that you will feel free to share whatever is on your mind when setting down to post. I hope that you two ladies have enjoyed a good day so far. Take care and stay cool.


Tolleson, AZ(Zone 9a)

I would miss you for sure. I miss our old thread we all used to be on. No ttoo much happening in my world. I will go home and probably deal with my 3 kids plus my roommates 5 . Long story and when I have time I will share some.
I know I will have to do some watering too. I think we were supposed to hit 107 today.
Ruby I totaly get how tiring the kids can be!!

Crozet, VA

Oh gosh Marie....yes indeed, we have a lot of catching up to do in regards to a roommate with 5 kids. Interesting.....not sure what occurred in your world and I won't push you to share, but hope that things are currently going well for you and yours.

I am takig another break, the one year old is asleep on the bed with my hubby and four year old is laying quietly on the couch. I had to make her stop playing computer games. Boy am I glad I recently found a preschool site that has games she can play. She is as bad as her grand mother in terms of sitting in front of the machine for long sittings.

This week as I have been giving some thought to computer etiquette, I have been surprised by some of the folks I have spoken with about why they aren't participating as much as they may have in the past. Some one just shared with me that they felt they didn't have much to contribute conversation wise. I told her I disagreed and had always loved reading the past posts she made.

gotta crying.


Rosamond, CA(Zone 8b)

Ok I found yall. Hi you two? Marie you did not move to Mexico? What happened if you can discuss it openly?

Hi Ruby we will need some folk to come by. Where is Jilly? G is on the othe site with the old group.

Tolleson, AZ(Zone 9a)

Dawn it is so good to see you posting!!
Ruby my life has been nothing but Drama that last couple of years. My BF's husband took his life this year and she does not want to live alone and I needed some major help financially so it is helping both of us just still adjusting. I love peace and quiet and her family is more chaotic so like I said still adjusting.
Dawn I am still trying to bring my DH here. We were turned down for his visa in April but told to apply for waivers which we did only to be told that after 600 pages of evidence we still have not proved there is an extreme hardship for him to be here nor did we prove it would be an extreme hardship for me to move there. We have 2 more months to send in more evidence and then it can be up to 12 months for them to make a decision!!

Crozet, VA

Oh sorry to hear of all the drama and associated stress you have been experiencing. Pretty much sounds a lot like my life does. It always seems to be something to contend with that can either make us or break us. I hopefully in most cases use the stress to make me....spent too many years feeling broken and don't want to ever go back to feeling hopeless and helpless.

Dawn, I didn't say anything to Jill about coming here. As of yet just contacted you, Marie and Amy. For those of you who don't know Amy, I just met her a few weeks ago on the Clean and Clutter Board. I hope she won't mind me making a brief introduction for her. She finds herself currently dealing with the back lash of dealing with the estate and the involved children from the recent death of her ex husband. A few weeks ago she posted on the Clean and Clutter about feeling overwhelmed by all she had facing her.

I want to assure you Amy, that you are in good company here with some very strong women, who haved faced some pretty big deals, and are still daily facing issues that would bring down a giant....but still smiling all the while and believing the Lord has better plans for our futures.

Pease, any of you who have friends on Dave's who might benefit from a chat where we just meet to support one another as we go through the trials associated with daily living...please invite them here.

I just read something in my email that I wanted to share here. It is regarding trust. So here is my thought for the day. necessary in any successful relationship. Trust can be defined as a firm belief or confidence in the honesty, integrity and reliability of another person.

The email goes on to describe the warmth and safty felt that trust can provide and it also mentions the intense emotional pain that a broken trust can bring to a person. It goes on to say that "us" in in the word trust and without the "us" there would be no trust, because trust is one of the critical bonds that connect and endear two people to one another.

So, this just impacted me enough that I wanted to share it you ladies. Amy, if you are reading, I am missing reading your Zen thoughts for the day. I hope that you will use this space to share those thoughts which are helping you along the way, because I found them to be quite thought provoking.

Anyway....glad you stopped by Dawn. Have a good weekend coming up everyone. Love you all lots.


Rosamond, CA(Zone 8b)

Marie, that is so hard on you and your family. I hate living with other people. No matter who they are. I like my me time, my space. I love to walk around half dressed in my underware and water for hours if I feel like it. Are you dealing with him being gone ok though?

Did you get another job yet? I don't like the Cubits thread as much as our old one. I don't know why, so I don't go there often. Everyone may know but I don't if you already told everyone about the job situation. I will wrack my brain to think if I can come up with any other things that would be considered an extreme hardship on your family. I for one would site the many killings and kidnappings of Americans lately over there, for why it would be a hardship on the kids. The kids are citizens and need to finish their education so they can get good jobs one day and go to college if they choose over here without having to start their education over or take a GED. Your son's...Will have they have to sign up for the Mexican army as young men do over there at 17 or 18? I am sure if they need to serve they would much rather serve their own country.

In this economy will you be able to support your kids without needing assistance, they should get that you'd think. Just lie and tell them you filed for all assistance from the government, housing and all and will be happy to let the tax dollar support you guys, since they don't want to let him help you over here. No I am kidding but my gosh.

If you have any health conditions, that may be considered a good reason. Oh well, we can discuss this more in private. Good grief. Life here is hard and getting harder.

Ruby good quote and what a week on DG thread Prop ha?

Crozet, VA

Oh Dawn, administration came in and closed down the Propogation forum. It is a shame too. I thought it was a fun bunch but we do need to watch our speech, because as I learned with my ex husband, he could say all day long how he was just teasing me about such and such a rude comment he had made to me, but in reality it really bit hard often times. I grew weary of it and I am sure the ones involved in that behavior feel the same way. Some were low blows.

I suppose if everyone does the level headed and sane thing, they will find other places to chat where that sort of behavior doesn't occur. Anyway....I will be in touch with those I respected in there, so no loss to me.

As for Marie, I don't know all the background issues you have going on, but I know that your faith in the Lord and his goodness will carry you far as you go through this struggle. If there is anything I can do from this distance that would be able to help you, please let me know.

Amy, your Zen sayings for the day have motivated me to pick up a handy little guide called One Minute Mind Clearing Tips. Each page has little suggestions on how to begin seeing what is important in lives and what is not. By putting these suggestions in to action, the end result is a much calmer and more productive person. I am just beginning it though I have read bits and pieces in the past, but am finding it has lots of thought provoking ideas in it.

Anyway...spent way too much time the past two days on the computer. Not getting much done with the household, but am kind of recovering from a wild week I had last week babysitting.

You gals all have a good week. Take care all.


Rosamond, CA(Zone 8b)

Hi Amy, nice to meet you, are you lurking? Wer'e too small to lurk.

Marie, come out, come out, where ever you are.

Coral Springs, FL(Zone 10b)

No, not lurking! I just am not very good at this website yet- even though I have been here a long time. I mostly used to use the plant files, and I am a little befuddled right now, so its taking me longer than usual to get it together.
Today is going to be good, I know it. I dont know anything about the propagation forum. If the admin closed the whole thing down in its entirety instead of just erasing a thread, it must have gotten pretty negative, but what is the point of shutting down a whole forum? Will someone please tell me in a dmail? I feel a little lost here...

I confuse easily lately. Marie, are you desertdenial? Are you in the throws of trying to help others by giving them a home, but finding it a little daunting and kind of invasive?

Okay- so I am trying to join in the conversation here, but I have got to say that its hard for me to keep up, even in this early phase. I dont know anyone really, or their situations, except Ruby, and thats only a little teeny bit! Plus, is DH the same as dear husband? Someone fill me in- I know DIL is daughter in law, unless its morphed into DDIL (is that dear daughter in law?)

Tolleson, AZ(Zone 9a)

I am working Dawn but I will say that it is not a very promising job. Dawn we sent in over 600 pages of letters and documentation that you have suggested. I am working on getting more. I do not have medical records that are current because I have no insurance although I have issues like the fibro.
Yes I am desertdenial. Amy I have my BF from high school and her kids living with me and actually we are helping each other but I am more of a loner and like things quite. She is the total opposite. I find the chaos a bit difficult to deal with but I am getting used to it at least as much as I am capable of.

Coral Springs, FL(Zone 10b)

Who is Dawn?

Tolleson, AZ(Zone 9a)

hellnzn11 is Dawn

Crozet, VA

Oh gosh girls.....Amy, I realize you don't know either of these woman. Here is my two cents. I invited both of these ladies whom I knew some years back from other threads that we three used to participate in. I stopped coming to Dave's for a year or so and have just in the past month or so seen these ladies posting where I am now posting. I invited you three here, though I have a list of some names that I may contact to invite here later.

Marie (desertdenial) has from what I can tell over the years been quiet and doesn't usually share too much personal info. Thanks Marie for letting us know that you are the quiet type and that you aren't always as comfortable as some of us who just blurt out the sometimes less than perfect parts of our lives for all to see. Thank you for opening up and sharing as much as you have with us so far. We won't push you to share any more than you are comfortable with.

I have been thinking the past week or so about what we post here or in emails. I try to gauge what I put in writing by whether I would say this to a persons face. If I can not back up what I write, I should just skip the thought and go on. If I am willing to write something about someone else, I ought to be able to come face to face with the person in questions and state what I may have stated to someone else about them.

Hellnzn (Dawn) was in the same group that I met Marie in years ago. Dawn and I have some of the same beliefs, such as Christianity in common and often discussed things through dmail or whatever. From all that I could tell having known these ladies via online chat, both are good hearted women and have some of the same daily issues that I do. In Marie's case she has a son giving her some of the same problems that my son is giving me. We had that in common.

Dawn has in the past shared her disappointment in her two adult children which I can truly identify with. When I first met Dawn she was unemployed and working very hard to find employment and from what I can tell she is now in a supervisory position and enjoying the work as much as most folks enjoy theirs.

So, though not knowing too much background from either of these women Amy, I have in the past had personal conversations about some of their daily struggles. I was unaware until now about Marie's husbands situation. What I can offer to you regarding him Marie is to say some prayers that things soon begin to turn around for your family and that you can continue to hold up under the burden on top of you and I hope to be with you the day that you are able to profess that hubby is now back with you and that you two are looking forward to a happy future together.

As far as being here for Dawn, you haven't said much about your family during the past month or so that we have become reaquainted, but I am sure that you are still dealing with your adult children and their issues as well as I am too. I am here as an ear whenever you need to vent or anything.

Amy - dear sweet message to you is to please know that since beginning to communicate with you, I have seen some tremendous emotional growth in you. Yes, you were hyper sensitive a month ago and on the alert for people who might be out to hurt you. I hope that you will be able to outgrow that feeling that is the result of some of your former relationships and know that there are folks out here who truly care about you and want the very best for you. When you allow others to minister to you, you aren't the only one benefitting, you are benefitting the minister in allowing them to receive the blessing of feeling better for having helped someone that day.

I made sort of a pact with God many years ago. At the time I felt suicidal due to the physical pain I had been dealing with for many years. The medical community seemed unable to help me, I couldn't help myself, I turned to the Lord and told him that I would be willing to endure the pain, and go on living and doing what ever job he had for me to do on earth, but I wanted my suffering to count and I wanted to be able to minister to others someday who may be experiencing great pain, whether it be physical or emotional.

It is many years later now, and praise God I no longer live with chronic physical pain. I remember the pain well and so I have a place in my heart for others who suffer. If my ears are open for listening to a fellow sufferer or the words I write here bless some one, I feel as though the many years I suffered were not for naught, but they have served a purpose.

So ladies....with that I will bid you all adieu until we meet again. God blessed me yesterday by having three of my friends call me and chat. To know that others cared enough to call was a great lift to my spirits.

Here is hoping that each of you will have a blessed day and know that the Lord is working on your behalf. He will take care of whatever our issues are....our job is to continue to have faith that he will do so.


Tolleson, AZ(Zone 9a)

Awesome post Ruby!! Amy sorry if my answer seemed short I just wanted to make sure you got some kind of answer to your question.
Ruby I think your assesment is correct about me!!

Coral Springs, FL(Zone 10b)

I posted yesterday and pffft! I wonder where it went. It might be on some other thread, and folks are scratching their heads and saying "huh?"

I said thank you to Marie, (thank you Marie)! I said there was a post on the brugmansia board where everyones real name is posted next to their screen name... and that I liked that idea, LOL! I said a whole bunch of other stuff, but that was yesterday and this is today so I cant remember most of it! It had a zen quote too, Ruby... :^), and I thanked you for introducing me. (thank you)

Hellnzn11-(Dawn) I know you! I read your posts all the time. I hope you are doing okay, nattering along like the rest of us here, facing each challenge as it comes.

I am trying so hard right now to not get attached to any outcomes to anything. It's really hard but when I can do it it really feels good. It's as if when I make a decision now and I set things in motion I am able to step back and let it go. For a long time I was making decisions based on how much control I thought I would have on the outcomes of those decisions. I guess it just occurred to me that I really don't have any control at all that there are just too many variables and too many different paths for the future to take. It's been very freeing in the end. That isnt to say that I dont have goals, but it has helped me to feel more flexible.

I hope that I can continue to take lessons from all of you here, and hopefully help a little too when I can. I may not ever have good advice, but I have a willing ear! I am so happy to meet you all on this thread...

My Zen quote for today:

Today I know that I cannot control the ocean tides. I can only
go with the flow. . . . When I struggle and try to organize the Atlantic
to my specifications, I sink. If I flail and thrash and growl and grumble,
I go under. But, if I let go and float, I am borne aloft.

Marie Stilkind

Tolleson, AZ(Zone 9a)

Love that thought for the day!!

Crozet, VA

Oh gosh......that is a great thought for the day. That is a succint way of saying what I was trying to share with an ill young woman yesterday on another board. She is fighting so hard to control a physical disease which is beating her butt. From my stand point it seems as though the more she battles the disease, the sicker she gets. My words to her were to speak to the disease, tell it to give it her all its got and she would in turn still come out the winner in the end because right now she is using up all her resources in fighting the disease rather than using those same resources to heal the disease.

She and many others in the same boat are not making the lifestyle changes such as quitting work, or quitting school, or whatever their over activeness in theirs live are and the more they stick to wanting to prove they can do something despite being ill, the sicker they get. About the time I threw up my arms in surrender to having a chronic illness and made the life style changes that were necessary for me to begin healing, is when I began healing. When I demanded my body to push through something when my gut was telling me don't do it, the sicker I stayed too. I have reached a point in my life where I accomodate the illness, don't make too many demands on myself and the disease has certainly lightened up over the years and I no longer suffer the way I did for too many years.

Amy, along with your lifes contentment growth, I too am experiencing emotional growth. After writing this girl yesterday and trying to do so in a nice has been on my mind. The old me wants to take her and shake the he** out of her and smack her a few times and tell her to lighten up and stop all the madness and unimportant things she is doing that are keeping her so ill. I do really care about people, especially those who are suffering with things that I have successfully navigated through but so often feel as though I may be angering them if I say what is really on my mind.

Anyway.....just thinking outloud here. I sit here procrastinating on getting started on a few business paper work issues that need attention and am finding every excuse in the world to not get started.

Gals, you are so important to me. Marie, you really helped me on the "saga continues" thread in regards to us often being the target of our children's anger when it is misplaced. Your saying that they know we will love them despite their spewing negativity towards us will certainly help me better deal with my son when he takes his lifes frustrations out on me. Such a wise comment, it has truly made an impact on me today and I am going to give more thought to it and hopefully be better able to handle what my son spews my way from time to time.

One more thought then I am outta here. Marie, I realized some years ago that people are not mind readers and have difficulty in figuring out puzzles. Unless I am willing to communicate up front and honestly, another person usually isn't aware of what I need from them. They may want to help me over, under, through or around an issue, but unless I tell them up front how they might be able to help me, they don't know where to start. So, and this is coming to you lovingly....if you have a what the Bible teaches us to do....Ask and ye shall receive. No time to be shy.

You all take good care....I love you bunches and will check in later on.


Rosamond, CA(Zone 8b)

Ok this is from my friend who is totally into the Law of Attraction. I am trying to tell her that Christianity can work with the law of attraction but the law of attraction in the big picture can't work without Christianity in my belief.

She posted this today and I thought it was a good peice of advice for anyone.

I Want to Harmonize with My Desire. . .

Anytime you feel negative emotion, stop and say: Something is important here; otherwise, I would not be feeling this negative emotion. What is it that I want? And then simply turn your attention to what you do want. . . . In the moment you turn your attention to what you want, the negative attraction will stop; and in the moment the negative attraction stops, the positive attraction will begin. Andóin that momentóyour feeling will change from not feeling good to feeling good. That is the Process of Pivoting.
I now create my own life the way I want it. I am safe.

many of our problems come from within our own minds. They arenít caused by events, bad luck, or other people. We cause them through our own poor mental habits. Here are 10 habits you should set aside right away to free yourself from the many problems each one will be causing you.

** Stop jumping to conclusions. There are two common ways this habit increases peopleís difficulties. First, they assume that they know what is going to happen, so they stop paying attention and act on their assumption instead. Human beings are lousy fortune-tellers. Most of what they assume is wrong. That makes the action wrong too. The second aspect of this habit is playing the mind-reader and assuming you know why people do what they do or what theyíre thinking. Wrong again, big time. More relationships are destroyed by this particular kind of stupidity than by any other.
** Donít dramatize. Lots of people inflate small setbacks into life-threatening catastrophes and react accordingly. This habit makes mountains out of molehills and gives people anxieties that either donít exist or are so insignificant they arenít worth worrying about anyway. Why do they do it? Who knows? Maybe to make themselves feel and seem more important. Whatever the reason, itís silly as well as destructive.
** Donít invent rules. A huge proportion of those ďoughtsĒ and ďshouldsĒ that you carry around are most likely needless. All that they do for you is make you feel nervous or guilty. Whatís the point? When you use these imaginary rules on yourself, you clog your mind with petty restrictions and childish orders. And when you try to impose them on others, you make yourself into a bully, a boring nag, or a self-righteous bigot.
** Avoid stereotyping or labeling people or situations. The words you use can trip you up. Negative and critical language produces the same flavor of thinking. Forcing things into pre-set categories hides their real meaning and limits your thinking to no purpose. See whatís there. Donít label. Youíll be surprised at what you find.
** Quit being a perfectionist. Life isnít all or nothing, black or white. Many times, good enough means exactly what it says. Search for the perfect job and youíll likely never find it. Meanwhile, all the others will look worse than they are. Try for the perfect relationship and youíll probably spend your life alone. Perfectionism is a mental sickness that will destroy all your pleasure and send you in search of what can never be attained.
** Donít over-generalize. One or two setbacks are not a sign of permanent failure. The odd triumph doesnít turn you into a genius. A single eventógood or badóor even two or three donít always point to a lasting trend. Usually things are just what they are, nothing more.
** Donít take things so personally. Most people, even your friends and colleagues, arenít talking about you, thinking about you, or concerned with you at all for 99% of the time. The majority of folk in your organization or neighborhood have probably never heard of you and donít especially want to. The ups and downs of life, the warmth and coldness of others, arenít personal at all. Pretending that they are will only make you more miserable than is needed.
** Donít assume your emotions are trustworthy. How you feel isnít always a good indicator of how things are. Just because you feel it, that doesnít make it true. Sometimes that emotion comes from nothing more profound than being tired, hungry, annoyed, or about to get a head-cold. The future wonít change because you feel badónor because you feel great. Feelings may be true, but they arenít the truth.
** Donít let life get you down. Keep practicing being optimistic. If you expect bad things in your life and work, youíll always find them. A negative mind-set is like looking at the world through distorting, grimy lenses. You spot every blemish and overlook or discount everything else. Itís amazing what isnít there until you start to look for it. Of course, if you decide to look for signs of positive things, youíll find those too.
** Donít hang on to the past. This is my most important suggestion of all: let go and move on. Most of the anger, frustration, misery, and despair in this world come from people clinging to past hurts and problems. The more you turn them over in your mind, the worse youíll feel and the bigger theyíll look. Donít try to fight misery. Let go and move on. Do that and youíve removed just about all its power to hurt you.

Marie used to be Marie Ortis before she was desert denial. Marie It is what you need to do. They will make it hard on you and punish you, just jump through their hoops and it will all work out. It is all you can do unless you don't think you can anymore, than that is ok. Get your old doctors records, they belong to you, so you can get them with your fibro diagnosis. My sister got on Social Security at age 47 for Fibro and chronic fatigue. It that happens to you or you apply, it would show you need their father's help and you need care here in this country. You could get a job in Home Depot or Lowes nursery and love it girl. What is the job? Is the job market still horrid there/ It is here.

My family is fine. Hubby going to have surgery and I just had shoulder surgery and off work for a few more months more or less.

Crozet, VA

Thank you so much for sharing this great information Dawn. Yep, if were to follow these suggestions, we would all be a lot happier people. I had a mind set change some years ago. I spent so many years of my life looking at all the bad that had happened and I was pretty miserable for a very long time. I suppose that treating my depression with anti-depressants and finally finding some medications that helped ease the chronic pain I experienced both helped in allowing me to begin to look at my world from a different perspective. I feel as thought the years I lived in pain paid off in a sense by allowing me to now be grateful for every pain free day I experience. I am a tough nut and don't change easily. It basically took me living a life that seemed similar to what a day in he** must feel like.

When I allowed others to determine my level of happiness, I always lacked because every day we are faced with people having their own struggles and we are sometimes the target of their unhappiness. To the very best of our abilities we need to prevent this from happening. If it means cutting visits with someone short or staying completely away from toxic relationships, we can begin to grow and appreciate the good that is still out there.

Yesterday as I was writing the girl having so many health issues and trying to make the point that she really isn't doing some of things that might allow her to heal, I wrote about the definition of insanity which I have heard is "doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." Raging full steam ahead when we are sore and hurting is not the smartest thing to do. We have to find a more moderate pace and lifestyle that allows us to heal our bodies. I tell you that relying on social security disability benefits doesn't make for a grand style of living, but I could still be out there forging ahead in my career and then falling in to bed each night and every weekend to just sleep....I no longer want that life nor does it suit me. I was just too ill to continue to work. By changing my lifestyle and going at a much slower speed, my body finally reached a point where it isn't always attacking itself. I made room for the ill health in my life and today I am enjoying good enough health to be involved in the things that important to me.

My goals changed along the way, so I no longer spend time in depression over what I have lost or am unable to do, and have filled those areas with new and better suited things for me.

Something along the lines of one of the messages in your sharing today our attitude towards ane event is so very vital. Two people can have the same exact thing happen to them and it almost emotionally destroys one of them while the other takes a different view of things and maintains a positive outlook despite whatever the set back was and goes on to enjoy their life where the other person spends time in misery. I heard a saying one time about...."whatever you think you are, you are right." What am I going to think I am today? I choose to continue to look at the things I am able to do well rather than the many things I had to let fall by the wayside due to illness.

I am coming from a fairly good place currently, but I too have my moments when I have stinkin' thinkin.' These days I am aware of it and feel so uncomfortable with negative attitudes that I work very hard on creating positive things in my life.

So, again......really great thoughts you shared Dawn. I appreciate you taking the time to share this with us.

Handbright - Amy - said she was having difficulties getting in to Daves today when I spoke with her on the phone earlier. She may still be experiencing problems, so probably won't hear from her today. Haven't heard from Marie, but I hope she is doing well today.

For anyone reading......enjoy your day.


Rosamond, CA(Zone 8b)

Marie yoo hoo come out come out where ever you are sista.

Crozet, VA

I hope that Marie and others reading will have a good weekend coming up. I awoke much earlier today than has been usual for me as of late. Hopefully this means that I can pack more in to my day than I feel as though I have for the rest of this rather lazy week. I saved some business matters til this week to tend to and it is now Friday and all of them aren't done yet. I have been finding other things to get involved in and procrastinating on the important things.

Confesssion time......I partook in a dirty little secret of mine yesterday. Over the years I have come to realize that everything for $1 stores are trouble for me. I can't seem to pass up a deal whether I need something or not. I have been a comparison shopper all of my adult life and I know the cost of most items we use and who has the best prices and such. Yesterday while in town I stopped at our local Dollar Tree and came out with two carts full of stuff. There was a guy loitering at the store and I asked him to help me to the car with the carts. He helped and I gave him a two dollar tip. He saved me some steps for which I was appreciative.

I still have several bags sitting in the kitchen floor this morning that I need to unpack and put away. The only other time I have done the two cart deal is a few Christmas' ago when I also bought quite a large amount of items during one trip. Speaking of Christmas, I began my shopping yesterday when I saw some cute things for my daughter in law and grand daughter.

S, that is my secret. It feels good to be able to indulge in this type of behavior from time to time. I have been a good girl for a couple of years now and usually pass up trips to that store.

Okay, enough babbling....nothing of real importance to say this morning. A very happy weekend wish going out to all.


Coral Springs, FL(Zone 10b)

I have found it really hard to let go of the dreams I had for my future. They werent very big, just a small house with a little garden out back for herbs and flowers. A place to paint, a place to grow old and be quiet and not take up too much room. I love people in general, but often find them overwhelming in large groups, up front and in person. I know that is why I like the internet so much, I get to take everything in, but at my own pace.

So anyway, while I had all kinds of big plans about how I was going to live out the rest of my life, that is gone now. There was a great deal of resistance in me to letting that go, those dreams. I have found that the more I think of them, my hanging on to them, holding on to them as if they were an actual loss when they were really only a kind of plan, well, that has only made me unhappy.

Each day I am getting better at letting go. Those dreams are receding, day by day. They just arent viable anymore. Each day I am getting better at accepting that this is my life for right this minute, and to live in it, not toward it. This is my life for *right now*. I dont mean to say that I've just stopped working toward a reasonable goal, but rather that I am not living in those pluperfect dreams anymore and forgetting that there is so much joy and happy anticipation happening in THIS present place I find myself.

Like right this very minute my dog wanted to go out, and when I opened the door I found that the jessamine tree had bloomed again last night, its scent is a song, and a bird sang, and even though I have to call the IRS today, for right this very minute, all is good.

My son is coming home today, we have much to do, so many little crappy niggling things that must be finished to get him on his way that take so much time and require so many steps. I can chose to see this as a chore, or to see it as it is for me right now, a chance to be in his company and be a help to him as he embarks on one of the most exciting times of his life so far. This going off to school is great big to him. This is a wonderful time, and nothing should get in the way of making it the best it can be! I have worked hard to make it possible! I am positive that this is where I need to be right now, no more grieving for what might have been. (thanks LouC). It is what it is. And what it is is very very good.

Love to you all today!

Coral Springs, FL(Zone 10b)

Hey Ruby, this is the first time that I ever went to post something and gotten a red warning telling me to be sure to read what someone had posted while I was writing mine! Cool beans!
is that what is known as a cross post?

Crozet, VA

Yep, sure is a cross post. You mentioned saying something to Lou C. here. I didn't write and invite her here, but please feel free to do so. I would like to see the group grow. The only people I have told about this thread so far are Marie, Dawn, Amy and myself.

Dawn mentioned having Jill (Critterologist) come for a visit, so I will write dmails to both Jill and Christy (Lou C.) to see if they would like to drop by and if this is a place they would like to be involved in. Any of you three who would like to tell anyone about this, will need to contact the people directly because without them knowing it is here and telling them the Forum and the thread, they won't know we are here.

Amy, I am re-examining my life currently too. After writing such a forward letter to the member of the health group.....I now feel as though I need to back up some of what I said. You stated very eloquently what I have found true for myself too. I didn't have specific goals per se, but some ideas that I was kicking around in my head for getting involved in later and later came along with ill health that has prevented me from moving forward with those things.

So, I shouldn't waste my time grieving over what I have lost, because I would have found a way, ill or not to have done the things that were very important to me. I was sick before I became pregnant with Tucker and took a chance on giving birth to him and prayed that I would have the time and energy to be able to raise him correctly.

So what if I didn't get the chance to finish my education, I can't work any way and that is the only reason I could see the need of further education for. So what if I never learned to draw or paint, I use my creative talents in other ways such as home decoration, gardening and have enjoyed some different arts and crafts projects in the past. Those were my major things that I let go of hoping to do later. I could now do either one, but I have a very full life and don't feel the need to pursue either of these things currently.

So, thanks for the pep talk on beginning to see what is important Amy. I imagine going away to school is very exciting for you son. I am sure he will do well. Neither of my sons chose to attend college and I warned both that the job market is hard to break in to without any type of training, but so far both have chosen their own paths. Still a chance Tucker will go back at some point. He has to get to a point where he is sick and tired of being sick and tired before he will begin making any changes though.....but a mom can hope, can't she?

Anyway....gonna scoot. Have some house plants waiting for me to pot up. I actually had a phone call from someone who had picked up John's business card at a Farmers Market a while back and she asked me to pot up two Purple Passion for her the next time he goes to the market closest to her. Cool beans.

You ladies take good care and enjoy your weekend.


Coral Springs, FL(Zone 10b)

Well, the boy came home from California, loved on me and his brother and the dog, ate, rested and stayed here for about three hours. Then he went OUT to see his friends, which, (can I hear a shout of halleluja?!?) was simply wonderful. That means the flash mob of his friends were not here till all hours of the morning! So, today when I woke up at 3:00 am I had no one to blame but myself and my weird and wacky hours.
It's going to be a beautiful day!
Love love love to you all this day and every one to which you wake.

Desoto, TX(Zone 8a)

Amy invited me to join this group today. I hope that is ok. Kind of like a prayer circle. Have to admit that my spirits have been lifted these last weeks by trying to practice what I preach. I know I mention loosing my grandson, Aaron, way too often. However, his death seems to be my frame of reference for the things I would have worried about before. The scriptures teach us to live in the moment and it is the hardest thing to do. Yesterday (even this morning) is gone and tomorrow hasn't arrived. Aaron drowned at 1:30 P.M. on Tuesday, April 14, 2009 at 25 years of age. That morning started like all others with each of us making plans for the day, for the week, for the future. The weather was perfect and he and a cousin were at the local fishing pond hardly a mile from my home. Only God the Father will ever know why He took him Home at the moment.
Point being, all those plans dissolved. Everything changed. I know he is with The Father and that I am the one waiting to join him. I don't get into a lather about near as many things as I once did. Not being morbid today, just talking out loud about how I have put my feet to my faith. No doubt in my mind whatever that this group was brought together by our love for The Lord and each other. I am blessed.

Promise I won't preach everyday.

Crozet, VA

Welcome Lou - Yes maam, of course you are welcome here and as for your comment about losing your grandson, no one, even yourself should fault you for the number of times his name comes up in your conversations. I understand what you are saying when you speak of everything changing at that point in time and you referencing your life around that point of time. That is such a major loss to experience. I shudder to think of how I might feel in the same situation and I give you permission, and you should give yourself permission to use his name as often as you like. I can't think of a person here who might judge you for keeping his memory alive. He lived and he currently lives within your heart.....please talk all that you want.

I too believe that some may tire of hearing me speak of living with chronic illness. I don't do it to draw sympathy or pity, not at too is as you mentioned....a reference point when my life changed. Because of ill health and some other misfortunes that have occurred in my life, I too am able to let a lot of things just slide on by because compared to the things I have already lived through and survived, most of the things that come up in life are petty in comparison to some pat battles I have been involved in.

I believe we all have things to learn from one another. I feel as though the Lord puts each of us in to other's lives in order for us to learn from them, or possibly for us to aid them in some way, or for them to aid us. Anyway......what got me thinking about wanting a thread that I could kind of call home and feel safe while visiting was an idea of how anonymous we are when setting behind these computer screens. I wondered some weeks ago if anyone would care if I suddently stopped posting tomorrow. I thought about it and realized that even though I have a lot of telephone numbers and addresses for folks on Dave's and some other sites I visit, I don't have the feel that anyone would experience any great loss if I were gone tomorrow. I wondered if anyone would try contacting John or other members of my family to check on me if I were to suddendly go quiet.

I know that I am as guilty as the next guy about not taking the time needed to drop a note to someone who is missing from a group who had been active in the past. A message to Marie....please check in and let us know that you are doing okay. Please let me know if I have in some way offended you or upset you with any of what I have written here. I want to correct it if that is the case.

Anyway Lou, I am not exactly sure what this thread will turn in to. As I said, I just wanted a place where I felt as though others cared about me, and also allow me to care about them. This message is now for you don't realize what a blessing you have been to me over the weeks we have been chatting. I sat around here for months kind of prodding quiet posters to please come out and play a play I meant to actively post on some of the threads that I considered as being important in my life....and low and behold, some weeks back you posted with a real need and thus I have been able to use some of what I learned last winter about tackling clutter and the mind set that often accompanies a disorganized home.

I learned a lot about myself as I was going through the process of downsizing....what is important and what isn't? Do I need to do this at break neck speed or should I go at a slower pace with it? My home is my safety from the world, that is probably why I become so offended whenever there seems to be a personality conflict between other posters and myself. I regard sitting in my own home and reaching out to the world as a form of therapy and woe be to those who instigate nastiness or hurt amongst those I care for or for myself.

Back when first graduating high school in 1974 and attending a Community College to get a degree in Social Work I remember taking a data processing course in which the Professor proclaimed that some day every house would have computers in them. At the time, I couldn't imagine that ever happening. In those days computers or machines classified as computers were first of all huge and who at that point could imagine a box sitting in front of us opening up a whole wide world to us, such as the Internet has? WOW, mind blowing for sure.

I have had the good fortune over the 12 or so years that I have been connected to the internet to meet a lot of the folks that I have chatted with in different types of forums and have grown to call many as some of my current best friends. My health for many years has not allowed me an opportunity to develop friendships at a job or at clubs I might have joined for a common interest and most of my time is spent at home and thank or Praise The Lord for the Internet and the friendship opportunities I have due to it.

Gonna scoot along. I heard from Dawn in an email and she mentioned visiting Lake Tahoe with her daughter on Friday. She didn't say if it was a weekend trip or what, so I am suspecting that she is currently quiet due to being away from home currently.

Another welcome to Christy....please feel free to invite anyone who you may believe would like to be involved in a general chat about whatever any of us have on our minds as we sit to type. I am with each of you in spirit today if not body and wish you much success with whatever your day's endeavors are.

Hope to see you all tomorrow.


Desoto, TX(Zone 8a)

Thank you, Ruby. You so aptly expressed what I often feel,


Crozet, VA

Dear Lou - One of these days I am going to work on saying what I want to say with less words than I now tend to use. My hubby said I often repeat myself with just a few change of words. I suppose I have been conditioned to believe that folks don't tend to pick up my message unless I repeat it over and over. Will have to give thought and see where that came from. is Monday once again. I hope that we are each starting our new week in a good manner. My morning has been somewhat rushed, but I am taking advantage of the quiet for the next hour or so before the little ones arrive for the afternoon.

Here is hoping that everyone had a good weekend and that the week ahead will be good for each of us too. Thanks for reading.


Rosamond, CA(Zone 8b)

Lou it is hard to take loss of loved ones but so much more when caught off guard with no warning or chance to spend an extra moment saying all you want them to know that is in your heart.

We do have to trust that the Lord has the plan book, but some days it sure is a job in itself to let go of it.

Marie, are you ok? Check in a little, so we know, even if to have a drive by.

Tolleson, AZ(Zone 9a)

I am here sorry but just a lot going on right the least of which is my 9 year old who is feeling overwhelmed with his first days in public school.
Christi I am glad to see you!! I still owe you some crinums!!

Amy enjoy your time with your son!!

Rosamond, CA(Zone 8b)

Marie you will be blessed for helping your friend and her louder more chaotic family, who apparently needed you.

It will be a good adjustment for your son, quickly. The social aspect will be good. No worries.

Do you or have you grown vitex from seed? I can never get those little balls to germinate. Maybe I need to attack the flowers after they fade.

Desoto, TX(Zone 8a)

Marie, your memory is better than mine. Don't even remember a discussion about criniums. I have 3 that survived last winter, now some 5 years old. Not one has ever bloomed. With the weather in a record setting heat wave, don't expect they will bloom this year either. For the most part, what has not already died is dormant. I have had a superb flower garden that is no more. We also had the coldest winter on record. Won't be sorry to see 2011 end.

Enjoy your boy. My son is now 45 and I can hardly believe how that happened. After all, I'm only 46.

Crozet, VA are cute Lou. Yeah, same here being as young as I am and having a thirty year old the heck? You folks are mentioning names of flowers that I have never heard of, but that isn't surprising...the more I learn about gardening, the more I see I still need to learn.

Thanks for checking in Marie. Hope that things will soon settle for you. It is stressful for the children making this change, plus stressful on you worrying about them. I am with Dawn and believe that every thing will settle down soon and things will be okay.

I am in a rush this morning. The grand children are coming earlier today than normal, so I will have to check out the other threads later today when everyone is napping. Here is hoping that everyone is having a good day. Take good care until we meet again.


Rosamond, CA(Zone 8b)

I never heard of that flower either Marie.

Crozet, VA

Okay, back for a bit. The children came earlier today than usual and both are now down for their naps. Thought I would do a computer break. John has been helping out pretty well today while I am using a new comb on our dogs that a friend loaned us. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that so far I have combed off a plastic grocery bag full of loose hair between the two dogs. This is after combing them yesterday afternoon too.

It seems that many hours each week is spent either combing and brushing these dogs or vacuuming the couches and floors that also get a good amount of loose hairs. My clothes dryer vent also has quite a few even after the clothes have been washed and much of the hair gone down that drain.

If we are to get another dog in the future we had decided that shedding will be taken in to consideration before having another dog. Two days ago one of the dogs had to have surgery to remove a growth over one of his eyelids. That ran almost five hundred dollars....a real hit to the pocketbook, but I charged it and will pay as I can. Animals can sure cost a lot to maintain, but the joy and love they bring is worth it, so I won't complain any more.

I just found out that the Mid Atlantic Gardeners group here at Dave' is planning a plant swap to be held in Frederick Maryland on September10. We have attended swaps over the years and always have a great time plus come with a car full of plants usually. Much of my gardens are filled with plants from Dave's members.

Anyway.....not anything of very major importance going on today, but wanted to check in and seay hello. I hope that everyone is dong well and having a good week so far. Till we meet again, take good care all.


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