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Stupid garden wishes

Charlotte, NC(Zone 7b)

This is a thread to rant about what you want to do in your garden, but know will never happen because it can't.

My stupid garden wish is: To either grow iceburg lettuce in the summer or grow tomatoes in the spring or fall, so I can pick both at the same time to add to my lunchtime sandwich!

Madison, AL(Zone 7b)

I wish I had no slugs.
I wish we got rain in the summer.
I wish I had never let the dog see that food comes off plants.

BUda, TX(Zone 8b)

I wish Debby had made a visit to Austin, Texas instead of Florida.
I wish we didn't have the record 109* all-time June temperature yesterday.
I wish we didn't have another record temperature today at 106*.
I wish the birds didn't devour about 20 pounds of my tomatoes.

Durham, NC(Zone 7b)

I wish I had venison in my freezer AND okra in my garden (alas I have neither lol)
I wish we weren't going to set an all time record of 105* this weekend (that's 112 with the heat index)

Kev ...i thought debby was somewhere closer to DFW ..but that was a long time ago *grin*


New Orleans, LA(Zone 9a)

I wish my new garden was about 4 years old, instead of 4 months old. By then, I would have had a chance to improve this crappy soil that I have with lots more manure & compost. It's going to be a long process, but the end results will be great.

Alba, TX(Zone 8a)

I wish I had an ironclad way of keeping these *$# poisonous snakes out of my yard and garden (found another one last night--almost stepped on it).
I wish Debbie's little sister would come this way.
I wish I could get rid of all this bahia.
I wish the neighbors' dogs would stay home!

SE Houston (Hobby), TX(Zone 9a)

I wish I had figured out sooner who Debbie was...
I wish the roaming cats would stay out of my yard...
I wish I had all the raised beds built and in place and filled with wonderful crumbly stuff!
I wish for the day I stop wishing, look around, and see that I've made it all happen!
I wish for whirled peas...ANY peas!!!

Brooksville, FL(Zone 9a)

I wish I could have blown Debby from my yard to my son's home in Colorado Springs. Oh how I wished.
I wish I could garden in the soil here, can't due to rental house, but I can in grow bags.....
I wish for no more lania or inside house visits from snakes.


Mentor, OH

I would like at least one year of NO cats in the flower beds and NO deer in the garden. A year of normal rainfall would also be nice although I seem to forget what that would be. I do have a lot of venison in the freezer but could make room for more...hmmmm. Anyone have a silencer ? lol Dan

SE Houston (Hobby), TX(Zone 9a)

uh, cut a piece of, pipe, and, uh....oh, oh...


Charlotte, NC(Zone 7b)

Love the responses!

More, please!

Phoenix, AZ(Zone 9b)

Fun thread Bee......

I wish the former owner had not planted bermuda grass
I wish the former owner had not planted cat claw
I may soon wish I had not planted incense passion vine
I wish my cat would use the litter box more often than my garden
I wish I had the climate I enjoyed in northern California but with Arizona real estate prices.
I wish I was better at appreciating all I've done already!!

BUda, TX(Zone 8b)


A good wish, but for another website....LOL...

Perkasie, PA(Zone 6b)

I wish:

1) I had never planted hout-however-it's-spelled or tradescentia.
2) I could finally get rid of the thistles in one area (or get a new pool and give up on that area as garden).
3) I had more time.
4) It was not so bloody hot!

Perkasie, PA(Zone 6b)


We had gotten new dogs after ours died, so that the Canada geese were not now our largest 'flock.'

Everett, WA(Zone 8a)

I wish I had fewer slugs.

I wish winter would just TURN INTO SUMMER instead of spending February through June making up its mind.

I wish summer got warm enough for tomatoes to grow, about 2 mionths earlier.

I wish I had enough sunny spots to grow more than 2 tomato plants.

I wish it stayed warm enough for them to ripen tasty about two months longer.

I wish the local sewage plant dried and bagged its Class A biosolids instead of GIVING them to Cedar grove so it could charge me $$$$.

I wish that new neighbor had not moved in, killed everything in her yard, and made me MOVE MY PERENNIAL BED.

Lincoln, NE(Zone 5b)

1) I wish snap peas and lettuce were heat-resistant.
2) I wish rabbits were allergic to bean plants.
3) I wish cabbage loopers actually ate trumpet creeper.
4) I wish the new neighbors would have plans to cut down the big maple tree in their backyard, the one that hangs over my roof and drops branches on my hard, the one that floods my yard with seeds every spring, the one that shades too much of my summer garden area, the one that has a big nest of bees in the hollow trunk that won't leave me alone when I work on my pond... oh wait, that one might actually be coming true!

SE Houston (Hobby), TX(Zone 9a)

I had four trees cut down last year in my yard, to make way for my veggie garden. I, too, had the "neighbor's tree from hell!" It was a mulberry TREE that hung mostly on my side, threatening to fall on my roof. It had wonderful fruit, and stayed full of GRACKLES. Imagine the grackle cackle all summer long! Any fruit they didn't get ended up in my side yard, sprouting trees...

Well, since the owner was refurbing this Section 8 property in anticipation of selling it last December, and since it WAS vacant while they were doing the work, and, since my hurricane Ike fence still hadn't been put up yet, and the fence on that side of the property was wide open, and, since no one was home the day my tree man came, I HAD IT CUT DOWN...


Since the fence was also down on the back side where my other neighbor's trash tree was definitely blocking the sun from shining on the targeted spot for what is now Raised Bed #1, I HAD THAT ONE CUT DOWN, TOO (except, he was home and didn't care since I was paying for it...)...

A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do...

Oceanside, CA(Zone 10a)

1) I wish my neighbor would cut down at least half their 30, 150 ft. Pine trees that are jammed into a 1,500 sq. ft. area. It's absolutely ridiculous. I could double my production if they weren't there.

2) I wish the same neighbor would spray his whiteflies, instead of me having to sneak into his yard.

3) I wish June Gloom would stay only in June. Instead we now have "May Gray" and "No Sky July". This complaint, has been answered this year :)

4) I wish gophers weren't so cute lol My heart sinks every time I have to dispose of one. But there's just too many around. I have talked myself into thinking it's population control.

5) I wish I didn't spend a small fortune on grass a few years back.

6) I wish Hornworms only ate leaves. Too cool looking to kill.

7) I wish I'd have been gardening my whole life.

SE Houston (Hobby), TX(Zone 9a)

You misnamed this thread! These garden wishes are wonderful, wonderful, wonderful!

BUda, TX(Zone 8b)


You should know better... Measure twice, cut once, sand or file down to fit...LOL....

This message was edited Jun 29, 2012 6:14 PM

Perkasie, PA(Zone 6b)

@Rick Corey:

What did your (new) neighbor do to kill Everything?

Our neighbor of many years likes to hyper-fertilize his lawn so that they have vast burnt-out spots and we (downhill) have to flush our poor willows to keep them alive. Naturally, we no longer have fish in our pond. :-(

Everett, WA(Zone 8a)

Mostly, hired people to come in and chop.

She paid someone to cut down and uproot an azelea just going into bloom!
She not only killed everything living, but the single, small, living spot of good soil she had must have bothered her. She went out and bought huge HEAVY ceramic pots (25-30 gallons?) and sat them down on TOP of her only soil so that it would be compressed and shaded and generally subjugated. She must be Borg!

In the case of two nice big pine trees, she paid people to climb them, saw, grind and haul. It must have cost hundreds! Maybe a thousand bucks, I don't know, it ewas a three man team with a lot of big hardware and, probably, insurance and licenses piled higher and deeper.

Their truck kind of blocked me in when I had to go to work, but I said I could wait if I couldn't squeeze my car around it. Chatted, asked if I could keep the chips for mulching and compost and they said sure.

The Dear Neighbor must have come home between then and the time they were done. She didn't let them give away the wood chips, she made them haul all of them away.

>> hyper-fertilize

I'm not the most Organic guy in the world, and I'm not timid about chemicals, but it is a no-brainer that excess anyhing is toxic! Even water. Or oxygen. It truly takes ALL kinds.

Brooksville, FL(Zone 9a)

RickCorey_WA now not to let you have the wood chips is down right mean, may a pox come to her.... Seriously, she doesn't sound like she is playing with a full deck.


Everett, WA(Zone 8a)

>> down right mean
>> Seriously, she doesn't sound like she is playing with a full deck.

The second one, I was sure of pretty early on. That by itself need not be a deterent to a beautiful friendship!

But I soon learned the first truth. EXCATLY what her problem is, I still am not sure, but it has to have several of these elements in greater or lesser degree:

- wants total control of all living things and considers "dead" a form of "neat" *
- reduced her husband to a shambling zombie
- picks fights and delights in saying rtidiculuous or contradictory things and gettin g away with it
- wants to look ritzy to her friends - in a manufactured home park! In an old, small one at that!
- called herself a gardener, but only kills things, and wnats to hire a "consultant" to make sure her Square Foot garden is disciplined and contorlled and "neat enough

The more help a man has in his garden,
the less it belongs to him.
- William M. Davies

* "dead" = "neat" reminds me of the classic ToS Star Trek episode "A Piece of the Action".
"I like a cooperative man.
Ain't no one as cooperartive as a dead man!"

Anderson, IN(Zone 6a)

I wish I had all the self energy to accomplish everything I ever wanted to get done
I wish I had most of what I would have from wish#1
I wish I could stop witting about what everything would look like if it was all finished.
I wish I could stop talking with myself while I'm gardening.(about things other than what I'm doing)
I wish I could could stop thinking to myself about wishing for things.(that aren't likely to happen anyway)
I wish I could concentrate better when things matter

Anne Arundel,, MD(Zone 7b)

I wish I could Git Er Done! like Gymgirl and the tree project!!

Perkasie, PA(Zone 6b)


Wow. Just. Wow.

St. Simon's Island, GA(Zone 9a)

"The more help a man (woman) has in his (her) garden, the less it belongs to him (her)".

AMEN! I wish more people around where I live realized this.

I wish I had made my garden bigger.

I wish that out of a hundred empty lots in this neighborhood, the people wouldn't have bought the one RIGHT BESIDE OF ME!!!

I wish the deer and the rabbits could leave my plants alone!

Alba, TX(Zone 8a)

RickCorey, sound like one of my former neighbors moved in next to you! Or her twin sister.....

Everett, WA(Zone 8a)

>> , sound like one of my former neighbors moved in next to you!

I was thinking of researching where she came form (what planet?). I wondered if any past neighbors had gotten restraining orders. I know that I've been wishing for a muzzle!

(Whatever became of my tolerant and understanding nature, such as it was?
Gone to seed, maybe, or covered by weeds.)

Alba, TX(Zone 8a)

My previous neighbors just sapped tolerance and understanding right out of me.

There's my additional stupid garden wish: I wish the tolerance and understanding I used to have would return to me. As soon as the current (2) neighbors learn to keep their own dogs home!

Jim Falls, WI(Zone 4a)

Wow! This is fun to read!

What would I wish for.

Not to have to work to pay for what I want.

Time to get it all done.

The youth and knowledge to do it now. So many years wasted when I was younger.

That should do for a start!

Rocky Point, NC

I love this thread!

Here's my 3 wishes (rubbing the buddha's belly).

I wish stink bugs, thripes, white flies, slugs (shudder), and tomato diseases didn't exist....sigh

I wish the weather I remember from 35 years ago was the same today (it was 85F in the shade at 9am this morning). I think I would be enjoying my garden instead of dreading the work.

I wish my dh was not in southern Afghanistan... he could be 'cooking' here in our garden instead of the desert with the giant camel spiders.

Alba, TX(Zone 8a)

I wish your dh could be home, too. No political comment at all--no string attached, just wish they were all home--safe and sound and with their loved ones--for the Fourth!

Charlotte, NC(Zone 7b)

I wish my dh was not in southern Afghanistan

wish they were all home--safe and sound and with their loved ones

Amen to that sisters!

Johnson City, TN(Zone 6b)

I wish the deer would stop eating my beautiful tomatoes and beans.
I wish, instead of three months without rain then continual rains, it would be more evenly divided.

SE Houston (Hobby), TX(Zone 9a)


Madison, AL(Zone 7b)

Well that last wish for a rain barrel can come true!

Jim Falls, WI(Zone 4a)

I wish someone else could do the watering for me!

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