You can run but you can't hide!

Here's a cartoon from a newspaper (I think) that ran after last year's hurricane season..
I'm pretty lonely in New Mexico so all you lucky Floridians can run but you can't hide LOL
I'll be lurking..
Congratulations on your forum :-) Angele

Thumbnail by angele
Tallahassee, FL(Zone 8b)

30 Lessons Hurricanes Teach Us (the hard way)

1. An oak tree on the ground looks four times bigger than it did standing up.

2. Even after all these years it is still nice to spend time with Col. Mustard in the ballroom with the lead pipe.

3. When house hunting look for closets with lots of leg room.

4. Water from the shower is much colder than water from the kitchen sink--and tastes just as bad.

5. AA, C and D are the only alphabet we need ( batteries )

6. The four-way stop is still an ingenious reflection of civility.

7. Radio can be the best way to watch television.

8. Chain-saw wielding men are nothing to be afraid of.

9. SUV's are the best makeshift tents on the market.

10. You can use your washing machine as a cooler.

11. It's your God given right to sit on your back porch and eat Chinese takeout by candlelight in your underwear.

12. We shouldn't complain about "useless" tools in the garage -- we actually DO need a generator.

13. You can' t spell "priceless" without I-C-E.

14. Downed power lines make excellent security systems.

15. Lakes can generate waves.

16. Gasoline is a value at any price

17. Cell phones: Breaking up isn't hard to do.

18. The life blood of any disaster recovery is COFFEE.

19. The need for your dog to go out and take care of business is directly proportional to the severity of the storm.

20. Candlelight is better than Botox -- it takes years off your appearance

21. Air Conditioning: BEST. INVENTION. EVER. PERIOD.

22. Water is a comfort food. But 3-day-old Cheetos are too.

23. Shadow animals on the wall -- still fun.

24. No matter how hard the wind blows, roadside campaign signs will survive.

25. You should never admit to having power at your house in the presence of co-workers or neighbors who do not.

26. There's a plus to having NOTHING in the refrigerator.

27. Getting through the day should be an Olympic event.

28. The movie theater can be a most pleasant place, even if the feature is Alien vs. Predator

29. Somebody's got it worse.

30. Somebody's got it better. Obviously, they're getting preferential treatment.

Love from Sunny Florida

Fort Pierce, FL(Zone 10a)

31. Running out in your nightgown and blowing kisses to the first electric linemen you see after the storm is not frowned upon by the neighbors. They are out there too!

32. Getting in any line you see without really knowing what's at the end. It could be ice, hot meals, water, tarps, etc. Whatever it is, you NEED it!

33. Having repairmen from all over the country in your neighborhood. PA, MI, WA, CA, NC...and the cable repairman were from Brazil!

Elizabethton, TN(Zone 7a)

Those of you who live in FL may have seen this already - if so, mea culpa. Sorry this is so long.
Have to love this if you live Florida.

We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now, you're going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some radar blob out in the Gulf of Mexico and making two basic meteorological points:

(1) There is no need to panic.
(2) We could all be killed.

Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If you're new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one." Based on our experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan:

Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least three days
Put these supplies into your car.
Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween. Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in Florida.

We'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:
If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic requirements:
(1) It is reasonably well-built, and
(2) It is located in Nebraska.

Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any other area that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance business in the first place. So you'll have to scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop you like used dental floss. Since Hurricane George, I have had an estimated 27 different home-insurance companies. This week, I'm covered by the Bob and Big Stan Insurance Company, under a policy which states that, in addition to my premium, Bob and Big Stan are entitled, on demand, to my kidneys.

Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all the doors, and -- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets. There are several types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages:
Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself, they're cheap. The disadvantage is that, because you make them yourself, they will fall off.
Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once you get them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December.

Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will have to sell your house to pay for them.
Hurricane-proof windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so. He lives in Nebraska.

Hurricane Proofing Your Property:
As the hurricane approaches, check your yard for movable objects like barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture, visiting relatives, etc..
You should, as a precaution, throw these items into your swimming pool (if you don't have a swimming pool, you should have one built immediately).
Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly missiles.

If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your driver's license; if it says "Florida," you live in a low-lying area).
The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred thousand other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.

If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them now! Florida tradition requires that you wait until the last possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM.

In addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies: 23 flashlights At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the power goes off, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.

Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the bleach is for, but it's traditional, so GET some!)

A 55-gallon drum of underarm deodorant.

A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a hurricane, but it looks cool.)

A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody who went through a hurricane; after the hurricane, there WILL be irate alligators.)

$35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.

Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean.

Good luck, and remember: It's great living in Paradise.

Tallahassee, FL(Zone 8b)

That one always makes me laugh. That last item reminds me of the rant my friend has about the guy on the Weather Channel, Jim Cantore.

We're convinced that there's always a baby boom nine months after a hurricane, not because people are stuck inside their houses for 8-15 hours at a time, but because Jim Cantore is so manly and studly. We think he can impregnate any fertile female within 100 miles simply by standing outside in a storm with 50+ mph winds. I take one look at the Weather Channel and I can feel my ovaries gearing up in response to the sheer masculinity and virility of the man.

Seriously. Ladies, if you don't want any more children, you better take appropriate measures in the next hurricane.


Fort Pierce, FL(Zone 10a)

Have you ever noticed that Jim Cantore never seems to be in exxactly the right place? Seems like he's always a few miles off. They sent a girl to cover the first 'cane here and she was reporting from the Coast Guard Dock when the first big wave caught her and almost knocked her down. DUUH!

BTW, headlines in the Ft Pierce paper announced the first wave of "hurricane babies"

Moose Jaw, SK(Zone 3b)

See ya'll have gotten *much* closer to me! In the above map your fine State is situated just below Saskatchewan and Alberta. ;)

Just please don't bring your hurricane season........your winter temps however would be appreciated!:)

Niceville, FL(Zone 8b)

Yall, I was laughing my a## off on this. I am printing it out and keeping it. As so many of us can relate to all this .

(lurker guffaws)

Fort Lauderdale, FL(Zone 10b)

Now I have an excellent idea of what to send all my e-mail friends. This is the funniest stuff I have seen in years.
BTW I bought my generator the year after Andrew. Kept it in it's unopened box until last year when we lost our power for 9 days (eight for Andrew). Every morning during the outage when I went out to fill it with gas, a memory of a great line in Francis Ford Coppola's “Apocalypse Now” movie. “I love the smell of Napalm in the morning” ie; the exhaust from my generator running.


Chicago, IL(Zone 5b)

ROTFL great stuff..

Orlando, FL(Zone 9b)

After everything was over, as bad as they were we didn't have to shovel any SNOW outta the drive. Would rather loose A/C for 5 days, over heat any day.

Chicago, IL(Zone 5b)

Here, here...Tom....that's for sure....I would rather be hot anyday rather than literally freezing to death...former Rochester, NY resident....LOL

Jacksonville, FL(Zone 8b)

These posts are a hoot! I think gardeners must have a better sense of humor than anyone else. We are accustomed to what sometimes seems like insurmountable odds in getting things to grow, and know that, in the end, nature will win, so why not laugh in the face of futility!

Thanks for some more great laughs!


Fort Pierce, FL(Zone 10a)

JFG, no sense crying....if your plants aren't salt tolerant you just make things worse.*grin*

Spring Hill, FL

I was traveling from Wisconsin to Florida last October, just before the last hurricane hit. I stopped at a gas station in Illinois and another customer was talking abou the bad weather in Florida. I told him that was where I was headed. When he remarked how "bad" it was in Florida, I replied, "Yes, but the hurricane will be over in a few days, and you will still have 5 monthes of cold to contend with."

Chapin, SC(Zone 7b)

What a hoot! This year if we're without power for two weeks like after Charlie last year, I'll put the 'puter on the generator line so I can keep reading.

BTW, the bleach is to sanitize drinking water. 2-3 drops per gal. does the trick.

sign me - 5th generation Florida navite

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