Coleus Chatters III

Yukon, OK(Zone 7b)

Good morning all you coleus lovers!!!!

Let's continue here..... from this thread. http://davesgarden.com/forums/t/609206/#new

Thumbnail by Brinda
Chicago, IL(Zone 5b)

Yipee. I made it....

This is a great thread....I love it.

Hap

groveland, FL(Zone 9b)

found it too!

brinda....really have missed you. geesh girlfriend your plate has been overflowing....sounds like it's going to be the endless summer for you. but we all know you an do it!

congrats are in order for becoming "legal" on may 5! now at least what's yours is yours and what's his is yours. go registar so you can get all new stuff!!!!!! we were talking about that and just don't think it's fair to only get all new stuff when you first get married or no one gives you stuff when your house is already set up. shoot...we missed it all since we were hippy's in san fran and marriage was so uncool. our friends would never even understand what the word "china" was....not that i use it...it's paper plates in this house!

it should be fun...even with the wicket witch! and aug...your gardens will be prime! what fun! ididn't know you have a darling grandson....can you share him please!!! darn kids, i get nothing! no little babies....

knee time...ok...well i'm supposed to be at an ex board meeting for mg's but i'm still in bed. i was going to go, by dh said if i did, i would be in so much trouble.... those drugs the doctor gave me are just great. the swelling has gone down so much...i forgot what having no pain was about it's been since feb i have been walking around with this...just not as bad as what happened the past two weeks. so...it's still bed rest and frankly, it's a first for me, but between the drugs and the resting i'm really doing so much better...oh yeah and the prayers!!! can't forget those! i need to get better quick because the flower show is in a few weeks and my partner needs me!!

well back to bed...i haven't been such a good girl ever in life. but i know just one week of this will make the next 12 so much better for me.

catch ya all later!!

xoxoxox

Taylor Creek, FL(Zone 10a)

Well, I need all of your help.
My only child, Dayne is 38 and coming here to live as of tonight. I need some firm, reasonable, caring rules. I am hoping he will find work and be able to get his own abode quickly. I so hope this can be a new start for him.
HELP
Sidney

Yukon, OK(Zone 7b)

Oh Sidney, in a way I really feel for you. I know as a mother you will always want to be there and do all you can to help out. But when it comes to tough love, mom's have a way of not wanting to do it. I'm certainly one of them. It's so much easier for me to see how it should be for Allan's kids than it is for mine.

Even though he is 38 and shouldn't have restrictions, he is still living in your home and should go by any rules you set forth. That to me is the 'bottom line'! If I were you, I would type out what is expected of him on a daily basis. If he is living there he can help out around the house and help with any daily chores. Make a list of 'duties' and then make a list of goals for him. I think that telling him that he has 2 weeks (or whatever you feel fair) to find a job and then so many weeks/months to be out on his own is not unreasonable.

These are my thoughts on money. When he finds a job, I think it is 'very' fair that he contribute to the household. Having another person live there will make expenses more, and I don't care who it is....that is the truth. Also when it comes to money.....I've learned that the more you have the easier it is to get into trouble. I don't know his situation and hopefully you don't think that I'm saying something bad. But I do believe if he is swayed towards anything bad, then having enough cash to do it will not be a good thing.

Set the rules....type them out...post them on the fridge! And tell him that this IS the way it is if he wants to live in your home. The one thing that I do know is that you have to be firm and let him know that there is only one chance.

Another thing.....find things that will keep him busy. Let him know that his first priority is to find a job and be self-sufficient. And his second priority is to help out and do the things you have for him to do. But the one thing that I would do.....even if he is 38.....I would set some kind of curfew for him to be in by, expecially on week nights.

Whatever you do....make sure that you can stick to any rules that you set forth. That is the most important thing of all!!!

And good luck!!!

Taylor Creek, FL(Zone 10a)

Thanks Tobee, that's just what I am going to do. Along with being a good example.
I saved last Sunday's paper for job searches and am talking to various folks about putting him to work.
He cost me near $1,500 back in Feb., so he owes restitution for that. I will also expect him to give me all over cigarette money to save for a deposit on his own place. Time he learned to not blow every cent and pay monthly bills like adults do.
He backslides and he goes to rehab. I haven't spoiled him but my darling mother did.
We have loads of construction here and he needs a job that just waxes him. It will keep him out of trouble.
All prayers appreciated.
xoxoxox
;)

Chicago, IL(Zone 5b)

Oh, Sidney....I don't envy your position. As they say, it's tough being a mother.

I think Brinda has said it all and perfectly. It's not to make it hard on him, but to make life Real. The only thing I don't remember reading is what recriminations there will be and how long you will wait until they go into effect. Ya know, action...reaction..theory. Putting things down on paper is really the way to go, then there is no saying, Well you didn't say that!! And, according to Dr. Phil..hehe, have him sign it like a contract.

The worse thing that she said was the last......but necessary. Just as my mother always said to me, "Don't ever make a threat that you can't deliver, or the kids will never believe you again." I counted to 10 many times before coming down on one of my kids. I didn't want to make a threat that I was not willing to carry out or one that "I" could not live with.

Oh, it's so hard. Certainly all our prayers will be right there for you.

Please keep us informed on what's happening.. We will be right here, helping anyway we can. If nothing more it will be a good place to vent.

What does Frank think about all this?

Hap

Yukon, OK(Zone 7b)

I'm sorry Sidney....I will say many prayers that things go well. And you're right....he does need a job that will wear his fanny out and make him want to come straight home and rest for the next day!

BTW...I'm not tobee! LOL

DH's son was in the Army for 2 years and that is where he needed to be. He came to live with us when he was 15 and he was a devil of a child to deal with. When he turned 16 and my sweet MIL purchased him a car...right off the bat he got a speeding ticket doing 120mph! Holy Cow! I would have strangled my kids for doing that! Things just got worse from there...he blew up his car and two more after that. He wouldn't hold a job and was an absolute bum at home. His main goal in life was to play video games! Sheesh! It was so miserable around here because I felt like if he lived here, then he should go by the same rules that my kids have to go by. DH agreed with me....but he let him slide on every occasion when things went bad. DH felt that 'talking to him' was the best thing! I prefer the grab the throat method myself! After a year of him not having a job (he was 19 at the time) I threw the biggest fit I've ever thrown. I remember that night so well....once again he was in trouble and DH thought he'd just talk to him! LOL I stood up in the middle of the kitchen and screamed! You'll have a job by tomorrow or you'll be 'walking' down the street with everything you own!! And if your Dad doesn't like it....he'll be walking with you Well....DH got his keys and went for a ride....Sean went to his room and I got a beer! LOL The next day when we got home from work Sean had enlisted in the Army. And off he went! It was sad and I felt bad....but not that bad! LOL

Sean's contract with the Army was 2 years and then he either had to re-up for another 2 years or do 4 year in the guard. When he came home for Christmas (last year) for a month holiday, he was all excited after just returning from Iraq and was going to re-up and go to Germany! Well.....a few days later...his best friend that had joined the Navy the same time he joined the Army came home. But he came home because he got kicked out of the Navy~! Hmmmmm.....too many video games make for a jello brain!

So after his friend got home they spent the rest of Sean's vacation playing video games and then Sean talked MIL into loaning him $4000.00 to buy another car.....A FAST ONE of course! He told her that he had bonus money coming when he got back and he would pay her back. The thing that he didn't tell was that he had to re-up to get that bonus money! Well....long story made short.....he didn't re-up, but came home the end of January.

When he got here....DH had written rules that Sean had to live by. And written that he had to have a job withing 3 weeks and be out on his own in 6 months. LOLOLOL Yeah, right! Sean spent one night here and somehow managed to move in with his friends family. So now there are two 21 year old boys staying in the living room of their home. These boys have now had three different jobs....got fired from all of them for not going to work..... and spend most all of their time playing video games.

A couple of weeks ago Sean's friend called the house on Saturday afternoon to tell DH that Sean was in jail in OKC. He was caught and sited for Exhibitionest Driving.....over 120mph. He will never learn. Now his court date is July 5th and I'm seriously thinking of going. Not to be support...but cause I want to know what happens. He now owes us $510.00 because DH bailed him out. Which is a very sore subject at this house. I've made it clear to my kids that if they think they're big enough to do something to get them thrown in jail....then they're big enough to just sit it out. I'm not forking over money for them at all!

So....now we have a kid that owes $4000.00 for his car and owes us for his bail and is unemployed! Hmmmmm!!! Wonder what will happen? I know that when he goes to court that he will lose his license.....this will make his 4th ticket that I know of with him going that fast. And I'm pretty sure there are more. And something very upsetting to me is that there is no way that he's been able to pay his car insurance because he's not had a job. When I question him about it....he says...Oh yeah, I paid it. Now how could that happen????

This is my fear.....he loses his license and gets kicked out of where he is living! Wonder where he will go? Yep...right here. I told DH that I'm not taking on another babysitting job. I have more than I can handle with my Mom and Xander! And I will NOT allow Sean to sleep all day and play videos games all night like he did before. For some reason Sean has to be first, the best, the coolest and the fastest. It will be years before he grows up! (sorry I got off on a tangent)

So Sidney....I do feel for you! And I'll be praying that things go well for you and your son. Be strong and firm and stick by what you say! To me, that is the only answer!


Hap...you're so right! I think making him sign a contract will make him understand how serious Sidney is going to be! I just love Dr Phil!!!

Chicago, IL(Zone 5b)

Brinda, that sure is a nightmare story that I don't think has ended.

I have one, a tiny, tiny, one about my DH daughter. What is it with these kids staying up all night and then sleeping all day, for that is what she did too.

She came here to live after 6 years of schooling, 4 college in Miami, and 2 grad school in NYC. All that she had to do was her thesis to get her PhD. Of course that was never done. She came here and went to bed, except not at night. She was told, by DH that there was not smoking....Right!! She had to smoke outside. So that meant all night long she was going in and out the sliding glass door. Slam....bang....slam....bang. That was in-between doing WASH and eating. Of course dirty dishes faced me in the am. For a short time anyway....!!

I told her she had to put her dishes in the dishwasher and if it was full, she was to clear it out and then put her dishes in. Well being a "S...A.." she would Rinse her dishes and put them away dirty. That didn't last either.

I was working at the time and getting up at 5 am. Being woke up all night did not make me a happy camper...trust me...

A couple of weeks after she was here, she informed her Dad that she and her friends wanted to go to Miami for the weekend and she needed some money...."surprise" He gave her about 80 bucks. She rolled in from that about 4am Monday. A couple of weeks later she asked for some more because she had to pay her charge bill. He went into orbit.....you owed money and you asked for some to go to Miami? That never happened again. She just stopped paying bills. As she said, you can't get blood from a stone....HAHA..... That was about 5-6 years ago and we are still getting calls and mail for late bills.

She later let it slip that she went to a RAVE in Miami. DH didn't have any idea what that was and did not believe me when I told him. I explained to him about drugs and that I was sure that she was on some because of her erratic behavior. That also never flew with him. He is in complete denial. I have known her since she was eight and she is now 29. Never once did her father ever tell her something to do.....and never did he ever reprimand her for inappropriate behavior. She was never punished for anything that she ever did wrong. He would just shrug his shoulders. I wanted to put both of them in Time Out!!! Or string them up..

So then she decided that she would sub teach. Not work full time, mind you. School would call here about 9ish and asked to speak to her,,, Sure, She was supposed to be at a school teaching, but was in bed sleeping.

One morning DH and I were having breakfast and she walked by us 4 times, smiling at us, with suit cases and then shut the front door. That was it. She left a note on her bed. BYE...

She used to call every month or so, but now for the past 6 months we have not even heard a would. Her phone is disconnect and the only sister that she is close to has not heard of her either. It was her birthday a couple of weeks ago and she never called then either. She always called here because we never knew where she was going to be. She lived with her mother awhile, but I have a feeling that she kicked her out. I would not be surprised if she was on the street. Heaven forbid and heaven help her.

Well, I certainly have sore hands from typing.... Thanks for listening.

Hap

Taylor Creek, FL(Zone 10a)

Tobee, Happy, and Brinda
Well, you have all been so good at letting me know I'm not in this alone. Frank's folks have been sending DS money ever so often, but they know now that he is coming here and said any money for DS will be sent to me instead to help with the added expense of him. DS has been homeless in Charlotte after going to DM's empty house the week-end I was visiting Happy and breaking in. Then he did some retalitory destruction when the police were called. I had to go there with glue, 3 panes of glass, and paint and reconstruct a special window he broke out. It was set on point, and so I would have had to replace two sash windows totally if I hadn't got it fixed just right. The lady across the street said I did a miraculous job, she couldn't tell the incident ever happened.

Frank put $50 toward the bus ticket and is in agreement with anything I do. If not,

Quoting:
you'll be 'walking' down the street with everything you own!! And if your Dad doesn't like it....he'll be walking with you
will apply here too. Now Frank is the one really spoiled. He sure doesn't want to mess up his cushy arrangement here.
I'm not going to make DS too comfortable as to encourage him to dig in and get a job and out on his own.
I need to get started on that list. He doesn't get in untill 11:45 tonight.
Hugs to all. And keep that leg up tobee!!!
Sidney

Yukon, OK(Zone 7b)

Sidney, you go girlfriend! Stay strong and things should go well. Don't even think of having a weak moment!!!! We're all behind you.....loving you and praying that everything will turn out how you want it!

Now get that list made!

Taylor Creek, FL(Zone 10a)

Yes um!
;)

(Zone 9a)

My $0.02 if no one minds. We all seem to have gone thru this situation...myself included, and I have no children! How do you like that? LOL!

My older brother has always been like my child since I got married at 19. Somehow I always ended up taking care of him and cleaning up his messes for him...and paying lots and lots of money for it in the process. He's 8 yrs older than me.

We are in PA. At one point he was in TX, Corpus Christi. We had to go get him. UGH! We drove straight for 24 hours. Oh, yeah, DH loved me for this one. At least my sis lives in TX so we slept there and got to visit, then packed him up and drove 24 straight home. He didn't have a license so he couldn't drive. He also had his 11 yr old son w/ him. They moved in w/ us.

This is such a long story, but I'll try and keep it short. This was before Dr. Phil, LOL! But I came up with a contract of rules for him and read them to him over the phone before we left for TX and told him he'd have to sign it. I also had an intermediary that knew us both well approve the rules to make sure I wasn't being unfair or one sided. The rules were to look out for his well being, since he had proved he couldn't do that on his own...that's not said to be a blow to him, it's just the truth. When I read the rules to him he was actually relieved and thanked me! He wanted these things, but was not able to do them on his own, he wasn't strong enough. That cut my heart so deep, and still does. With his agreeing, we went to get him.

He got here and got a job within a short while. I don't remember, but I'd say about 10 days - 2 weeks. He has always been a hard worker, that's not the problem. The problem is what he does w/ the money. He's been an addict since he was 17. I knew very well what I was facing and the possibilities of what he was bringing into my house...but I loved him so much and I knew the true potential that was in him. Everyone else seemed to have given up on him...what could I do?

Things went pretty well. He signed the contract. We had our disagreements, I mean, he is my brother and I pretty much took the role of his mother. Issues came up from having to deal w/ his son's misbehavior. I remember one early morning before he left for work getting in an arguement and being so mad I wanted to kick him out, but I knew he had no where to go. I couldn't put him in that position, because I knew he'd turn to old behaviors...so I told him to leave for work and I didn't want to see him back in the house until after dark. Oh, sheesh. That was our worst arguement. Thankfully, everyone living here at that time was pretty level-headed. I've since apologized, and he has too, and now we laugh.

Anyway, his 3 months of alloted time here were up. He had to pay us a certain amount of money for room and board each month...he didn't know it, but we took 1/2 of what he paid us and put it away for him and gave it back to him when he got his apartment...that really helped him. He didn't have to start paying us immediately when he started working, because there were things he needed, we let him get a paycheck or two first....him and his son needed clothes, etc.

Things went well for a few months when he got his apartment, then it went straight downhill. Looking back on things I do kind of blame myself for not being involved w/ him more. He had a huge, huge let down in his life, which I was there for...but I also took it personally and got lost in it myself. If I could have been there for him more things may have been different. He felt alone in his loss...and turned to booze for releif. Then he got into a major fight and ended up in jail...got into more fights and more jail.

We had the State Police come to our home at 3 AM and beat on the door to wake us up to go get our nephew from their apartment. We went and got him and brought him here. He lived w/ us for about 10 days and we put him on a plane to go back to his Mom's in NE. I wanted so badly to keep my nephew, but I couldn't do that.

Now it's about 7 years later and things are much, much different, praise God. I'm very proud of my brother, he's gone thru a lot, most of which was from his own choices...but he's made much better choices now and changed his life. I went to visit him last summer...he lives near Philly. He was preaching at a church there for the first time. Some of the folks in the congregation know a lot about his past, some just know a little. It was so hard for me not to just burst into tears because I just kept thinking of all those years that I felt like giving up on him and walking away because it hurt so bad...I knew he was using me, but I knew he had no one else that really cared for him. I did walk away a few times, sometimes for a year or two, but I always came back and forgave because I knew the good that was in him...I knew it was his pain that was driving him to hurt himself.

I'm not saying that it's a peachy, perfect life now. It never is!! LOL!! I call him often and check on him, especially because he's so far away. A lot of times I have to read between the lines to know if something is up w/ him...but he's a different person now, I don't have to worry about him drinking or doing worse things because he doesn't want to and he's able to resist it on his own now. Not everyone is the way they are because they want to be...lots of people are just stuck there and can't get out.

Some of the rules I had made for him, that I remember are...
To pay us a certain amount on a certain date (paydays).
To not hang around certain folks...people he used to hang around w/ when he was in trouble and people I knew were "users".
Not to work for people who were "dealers"...and also had construction companies as "fronts".
Not to drink, etc.
Not to go into bars for ANY reason, not even to make a phone call! (I felt this one was important, because then there were no excuses he could give me afterwards. Like, "I went in to make a call and so&so was there and next thing I knew I had a drink &....")
He would repair/pay for any damage to my home/property/belongings that he or his son made.
Curfew.
Dating...I think I may have said none while he was here. It was planned he'd have a 3 month stay here...girls were always a problem for him.
Working, he'd keep a steady job and not miss work unless sick or a legitimate reason.
Church, he'd attend our church w/ us. This wasn't a big deal because he had introduced me to our church before he left PA. He could have gone to a different church and that would have been fine too.
Pay for gas when I'd run him somewhere.
Put money away for an apartment (set amount according to your area, his wages and the amount of time he'll be staying w/ you).

We were somewhat flexible on the rules if they needed changed. Not so flexible that we'd let him pull the wool over our eyes, but we'd let him skip a payment to us if it was for something really important...or for something for our nephew. The point wasn't to keep him under our thumb, but to keep his life structured because he couldn't do that on his own for some reason. He was happy here. He couldn't believe we were giving him back 1/2 the money he had paid us, and that really helped him w/ getting his apartment...he had nothing when he moved in. He was able to get food, furniture, a/c, everything he needed. We shopped at Goodwill, The Salvation Army and second hand stores for everything he needed...very little was new, but it was still nice.

Also, I'd like to recommend something else. Please don't get mad at me. I'm a smoker. He's going to get mean if you take his smokes away cold turkey. I've been there and done that. A good compromise to consider may be to make him smoke outside only and to have him smoke cheapie cigs. You can get cheapie cigs on the net for around $10 a carton....I do, I can d-mail you the site. Convience store brands are usually the cheapest you can get w/out paying shipping. If there's an Indian reservation around you ask around if they sell smokes, they are always cheap there...and buy their brand. Those are the things I do. If he's smoking a brand name like Marlboro, Salem or anything like that he's crazy because they'll be at least $25-$35 a carton and that's a complete waste!! I understand you're not wanting him doing any behavior that is addictive, I understand smoking is gross and it smells horrible...but I also know what his reaction to it is going to be. In any case be ready for his reaction. Maybe give him so much "spending money" per week from his check and let him decide what to do w/ it...see how smokes rate to him. Just make sure whatever you decide is in the contract and hide the air fresheners and candles from him. Nail his bedroom windows shut if you have to so he can't smoke in there, but do it before he gets there.

Can I also recommend that you consider having your son work off the money he owes you? We did that w/ my brother too. He owed us $1200 one time and there was just no way he could pay us back. Sometimes it's just that way...he had a wife and daughter and was paying child support, plus life!! So, he had some time off work while his boss was on vacation...about 10 days. He came to our house and he and dh drywalled 2 ceilings. We bought all materials, but we used his tools. There's no way dh could have done that on his own and we didn't have all the tools. It was definately worth the money he owed us. We got some great work done and my bro got that weight off his back...and we enjoyed each other's company. It was hard work, he really worked!!

My brother's turn around is all because of prayer. God loves us all, no matter how stupid we've been or how bad our choices have been. I know that from personal experience...don't we all? =^) Even if everyone would have given up on my brother God never would have, I thank Him for that all the time. I remember saying to my brother that someday he would come to me and say he was sorry and I would forgive him...but at this moment I would much rather just punch him in the face. Thank God for Moms because without them where would any of us be? God bless you, Sidney. You have all our prayers.

Sorry this was so long, I just wanted to try to encourage you, I remember being there. Hugs.

Chicago, IL(Zone 5b)

Boy, another story....life isn't simple for anyone, is it?

Hap

(Zone 9b)

Oh my, another whole thread to read. You guys are verbose. LOL But entertaining for sure.

Edited to say:
Well I just finally read down to here and boy that entertaining remark was not fitting here at all. So sad what you all are going thru. Must be so hard to watch for all of you. You guys are all so supportive, I bet things really turn around for your son Sidney. I will sure say a prayer for you.

This message was edited Jun 8, 2006 9:08 AM

Chicago, IL(Zone 5b)

Ah, I see you made it Kell. You will be up all night now..

Hap

SE Houston (Hobby), TX(Zone 9a)

I will keep all of you in my prayers. I have no children, only a DH and coleu...

Brinda,
CONGRATS! I was sure I was the youngster on this site, and the newest newlywed, but you've got me beat in the best way!

Hap, Sug, Heathrjoy and TOBEE, thanks for all your advice on the swooning coleu. They seem to have perked up a bit over this past weekend. I actually watered them down. I have them sitting in the plastic catering tray tops which I fill with water and let them drink it up, since you all told me they are bottom feeders?

They are all in containers. I plan to put them into the flowerbed we just prepared. TOBEE, thanks for the compost tip. I have three bags of MG garden soil, and I don't think I'll wait for trouble. I'll dig out some of the compost and mix in the MG before I pot the coleu.

Now, ladies, here's what I have to go into that small, shady garden:

About 5-6 different coleu, that I've observed do better in the shady spots of the yard.

The undulata albomarginata hostas (2 medium sized ones)
Another type of hosta (don't know the name -- I'll post a pic)
I have a sweet potato Blackie and Margarita (advise on invasiveness and whether they will take over the bed, please!)

I have two coneflowers and
2 small lantanas.

I have a baby "Japanese Holly fern" (Macho? Fern) I like ferns, but don't want them to take over

Will these plants cohabitate together? TOBEE?

Oh, I also have some geraniums, dusty miller, bridal wreath

I also have WAVE Petunias.

TOBEE, please give me an idea of what goes together. Thanks.

Ok, have to run off to Bible Study tonight. More tomorrow.

Luv Ya'll.

Wish we could get together for strong coffee and a nice homemade pound cake! I've been a coffee drinker since I was six...New Orleans...

Taylor Creek, FL(Zone 10a)

Hello Houston, can you read me? GG I have tons of Magurita and Blakie, and Ace of Spades avd Tri-color and I just let them dance their little hearts out. If they head off somewhere I dont want them I pull em out. They go great with ColeuS.
LOL
Well last week when Ms tobee and Ms Brinda were griping about your son-in-laws, I was thinking if those fellows could find such good girls, why couldn't my son. But I ddidn't want you to know what a mess he was.
I don't even have a bedroom for him, so he can choose between the sofa and an air mattress on the floor in the dinning room. I got this house to grow old in, not open a B & B.
I will let him smoke and encourage him to do a great deal of it in the backyard. The cheapie cigs are also a deterent. I have a nice place out there.
No women, no porn, no nudity, no alcohol, no pills, stealing from me or anyone else. The truth even if he thinks I wont like it. Paycheck to me, he gets transportation money and an allowence. He needs to look for job tomorrow
I so need him to get his act togeather so I can leave town to work and know Dayne will be here to help with Frank. Frank is his Daddy, so we are like bringing the baby home again.
I'll report back later. Much to do. His bus gets here before midnight.
Hugs and thanks to all,
Sidney

Yukon, OK(Zone 7b)

Yeah GG, what Sidney said! LOL I think coleus go well with anything! Please post us a pic of your bed!

And thanks GG for the congrats! LOL I'm very far from the youngest around here.....just maybe the newliest newlywed! LOL

Sidney.....you have been on my mind all day today! I so wish you well and pray that everything will turn around and be the best it can be for you and your son and Frank! You have made good rules and I am so proud of you. Just be strong and have faith in Jesus.....he will bring you through it all!!!

tobee, here is my lil angel. His name is Xander and he turned 2 last January. I'm not biased or anything, but I certainly think he's the smartest little guy I've ever seen. I keep him a lot and we read and learn all kinds of stuff. He knew all his colors before he was 1 1/2....he knows all his ABC's....he knows his left from his right hand......he knows what letters the words Mom, Dad, Mimi, Papa, Xander, Braden & Bone (my mom) start with...and he loves new words. One day I was giving him a bath and talking to him about the pool and when we would swim. I told him he would have to learn to hold his breath. LOL He looked at me so funny and said.....What's my breff, Mimi....what's my breff? And he loves to go out and smell all the flowers with me. I've told him from the day he was born.....Oh Xander, you and I are going to smell all the flowers in the garden.

This is the best flower I have in my garden!

Thumbnail by Brinda
Yukon, OK(Zone 7b)

Well, I don't know how that happend! hmmmm

GG....somewhere you asked me about my ferns. These are the ferns that I have. http://davesgarden.com/pf/go/65335/index.html I love the name, 'Ursula's Red' .

Here is another pic....but keep in mind that I'm certain that this pic has been enhanced. I've had mine for about 5 years and have never seen them look like this, even though I think mine are beautiful. http://www.waysidegardens.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/StoreCatalogDisplay?storeId=10151&catalogId=10151&langId=-1&mainPage=prod2working&ItemId=40908&PrevMainPage=textsearchresults&scChannel=Text%20Search&SearchText=fern&OfferCode=S3H

Chicago, IL(Zone 5b)

Good Morning All,

What a beautiful flower, Brinda. I am sure with all your nurturing, he will grow up just fine and a real winner.

I just thought when you talked about your "flower"....my father used to call me his "Little Stinkweed".....HRUMP....where did he get that???

Sidney, I hope today brings you only happiness with your son. You are on my mind and in my prayers.

GymG. I just have to ask....curiosity killed the cat as they say........ Instead of writing Coleus, you write Coleu....no "S".. I know, I'm a busy-body....

Also, Macho fern is called that for a reason. It gets humungeous.....and then some. Give it plenty of room.

Off to the other threads....

Hap

Arlington, GA(Zone 8a)

Brinda, Congratulations to you and Hubby,
and your `flower is a cutieee


Tobee, How is the knee?

Sidney, Hang in there. We will be here to help you any time you need
to vent,scream,OR smile with glee that he has gotten on the right path.

Pheadra

Thumbnail by georgiagarden3
groveland, FL(Zone 9b)

good morning to all!!!

wow...i think the bed rest has so helped me!!! i think i actually can sit for a longer while today!!! thanks for asking georgia and everyone of my most wonderful friends!

well....sorry, i'm doing to do just one more "kid" story.now...no one get mad at me please.

did you guys JUST NOT beat them or torture them enough??????? i have one son, on daughter. one is 29 and one is 30.i recall the last time justin my son gave me a problem....he was 3 and i walked into his room and he had drawn x's all over everything and i mean everything in green indelible ink...his clothes, the walls, the furniture...everthing. well....did he every get is. a few years past, he was probably about 7, and he had been naughty very naughty for him (he really never did anything that bad), and i made him sit on the couch and ask him if he remember what was the worse that he recalled that he got the worse punishment for. he said....when i drew the green x's all over my room. i said.....well....i'm glad you remember that.......because what happened THEN is absolutely NOTHING close as what is going to happen to you NOW! and i want you to SIT there and think about what it could be. poor kid, was crying and so scared...i let him sit for about 20 minutes and then said are you ready for your punishment. he said in his little voice....yes, what is it? i said you just had it! and now you need to understand that you are responsible for your own behavior and terrible things can come as a result of you doing the wrong thing. think about this day carefully and forever because this applies to anything and everything you do wrong.

well......that was the last ever we had to do anything to him...so the torture worked, i guess for the rest of his life because he never did anything that we lost a nights sleep over other than to become the sweetest man child ever. he worked three jobs in highschool, rode his bike 4 miles one way, rain, snow to get himself there. he left for college and never returned home. i held his room for 7 years.

kirsten, my daughter however, was a bit more challeging. i knew i was in deep doo doo when it was one of those days and i was just really to choak her cute little throat ....i had to go into my room to cool down since she was 3 and i knew i couldn't or wouldn't be effective by sceaming at her. so i shut the door to take a "time out".....and all of a sudden the door opens and here's this little girl...cute little balony curls and all with her hands on her hips and she looks at me....(and i swear) and says..."you know if you can't handle it .....you should have NEVER had kids". i said thank you GOD....is this my life's punishment??? the years that follwed were trying, not because she did bad deeds, but because she had the gift of being able to out smart us with her mouth all the time. we fought like cats and dogs constantly. punishment had to be different for her since she was so hard and difficult. she was a straight a student...always. but in her junior year she got an F in history. so i told her she had to go to summer school. she wanted to work since she knew at the end of the summer she was going to be getting her first car and she wanted gas money etc. so........i went out and since her money was in my name and her's i purchased a car and sat it in the driveway. i told her that the only way she was getting the car is if she went to summer school.........it was 15 miles away and cost 350 dollars ....she had no car and she had a little savings. so i told her i'm not driving her or paying for it...it's up to her to get herself there and back and if she doesn't get an A....not a A- but an A...i'm selling the car and she's not getting one......ever. she got there.....and she got the A. that wasn't the last of our challeges with her.

after she graduated from college she was looking at places to live since she got a good job in our county. as we were looking the places ran like 1500 and up. i told her, she makes a lot of money and to live home for six months and she'd have enough for a down payment on a little house. she fought me tooth and nail and SHE layed down the rules. mom....i work 90 hours a week, my room will be a mess, i will not be home for dinner and i may go out and have a few drinks after work so never wait up. i shut the door to her room for those six months, had food in the frig, worried to death when she wasn't home by 3 am and bit my tongue. she came in and out when she liked and after 6 months she purchased her first house at 22 and finished grad school by 24....and never told me she even loved me until her wedding day...but now we are very close.

so....moral of the story...i was so mean to them, it was really hurtful to me. lou told me at the start.....he worked 3 jobs and he would not be home and he never wanted to hear out of my mouth "just wait until your father gets home" the good and bad to that is i was ALWAYS THE bad guy. but i also tried to hear them and would always listen, even when i didn't like what they were saying. they were forced to take responsiblity at an early age and maintain it. i made so many mistakes....and i told them both.....from the start..i'm going to make many mistakes because this is the first time i have done this mothering thing and believe it or NOT i'm not perfect! bottom line...we were blessed and i always knew that they were on loan and never really mine...just mine to guide and let go when the time came.

sidney. i'm a little late sorry! but i wanted to add...the rules must be clear at this point in his life. i mean really, how can you tell him to be home at 10....you can't. we can love them to death but if we don't let them grow and feel the pain...they never learn. i agree he must make at least min. efforts while staying with you. even if you have to make up stuff for him to do. whether it's taking out the garbage, mowing the lawn...or getting some things done around the house that need the muscle of a 38 year old have him do it. first rule of mine would be NO sleeping until noon. it's signs of depression and he needs to keep moving. also local unemployment offices have free training programs many times. so have him look into it. community colleges also have them for min cost. local vol tech schools also have courses to help him at least keep busy and perhaps learn something while doing it. even if he doesn't apply it to what he wants to do. but here is the truth.......he will not change unless HE is ready and let's pray that this experience is hitting bottom for him so the only place he has to go....is UP.

also sidney. sweet lady that you are....no threats, but he needs to know this is it....because you love him that much. remember that old saying that we didn't understand when we were kids...."it hurts me more than it hurts you" how true it is. i will be praying for him and you everyday.

gg....the echinacea, or corn flower needs part sun at min. so it may not fair well in total shade. lantanas do need some sun as well, or they may not bloom.

bleeding hearts are fun and they now have cultivars that bloom year round. toad lilies are great and are for the shade they give you 3 seasons of interest on shaded areas.

large leaf magnolia, buck eye...and where you are you can use the red buck eye...they are related to the horsechestnut and beautiful dangly flowers in either white or red.

ferns...they now have those beautiful cultivars of those silver- purple...or silver on silver ones. they were really expensive but i found some at an agway and they were 5 bucks each. they are so beautiful and add color the entire season and you'd be wishing they take over they are so pretty! you want to be able to put something that blooms there so you have some color.

sweet autumn clematis, akebia, foxgloves, mountain laurel, wild ginger white nancy lamium...has small silvery leaves with green margins...it's like a ground cover that adds sparkle. also lenten roses...and of course the old rhododendron...(can't stand them myself but there are some new interesting ones now available.

one of my favorites is astilbe, they come in a variety of color and they just pop right out in a shaded area. you can even get them at walmart bareroot and they are easy to grow and bloom. hope that helps.

also...just for fun and color...get a few pots...and put impatients and bagonias in them and put them in the shade gardens...they bloom and add color.


and gg....no need to cap my name...hehehehe!! i hear ya loud and clear ;)

brinda................pass him over!!!!!! you know sharing!!! i just want to eat him up!!! he IS the brightest flower in your garden for sure!



This message was edited Jun 8, 2006 9:26 AM

SE Houston (Hobby), TX(Zone 9a)

Tobee,
THANK YOU! hee. hee, hee

Hap,
I picked that up from one of the other threads where you guys were "pluralizing". Seems like the agreed-upon plural of coleus was coleu!

Slap my face!

Parden my froi gras (spelling -- but you know what I mean!) Sure wish I had some!

Taylor Creek, FL(Zone 10a)

Morning all,
DS didn't get in until 1AM, and he was up before me this morning. Frank had some Bugler tobacco, so DS is rolling his own and I did move his smoking outside. He does want to kick that and hasn't smoked but about 9 months, so I think he can quit easier than I did. He hated for me to smoke anywhere he was before that.
He seems more togeather than ever and is looking over the Sunday want ads for job. He is off pills and alcohol for the first time in ages and I pray he stays that way. He is very smart, was reading at Junior in College level when he was 11.
He has just made some bad choices.
I was the worlds worst mother and was away on construction jobs all the time when he was growing up.
He wants to use the phone, so I will be back later. thank you all for your Prayers.
Sidney

Chicago, IL(Zone 5b)

That sounds good, GymGirl.....foie gras is duck liver....which I love.

A mistake is faux pas......the other is mighty close and I knew exactly what you were taking about so all was accomplised.

You do better than I with french....

Hap

groveland, FL(Zone 9b)

sidney....i'm just NOT going to let you say you were the worst mother because you were away making a living to put food and a roof over your heads! being a provider was a big part of you being a great mother. my mom rented every room in the house to make the mortgage payments. from transvestites to perverts to alcoholics we had them all in our house just so she could keep a roof over it. she sure wasn't the world's worse because she had to work so much and have all these strange people in our home. shoot...she use to tell us all our babysitters ate watermelon seeds because when they would come they would have these flat tummies and then by the time they had to leave, which i couldn't understand why...their tummies would be really big. (she was taking in young girls thrown out of their homes because they got pg and she would pay for their medical and roof over their heads in exchange for babysitting us). now..........really did you do any worse than that sidney??? by the way to this day I CAN'T EAT WATERMELON!

hap...i love the foie gras with a little garlic toast...yummy...been a while since i had some! dh is the last of the big spenders and i don't think foie gras is on the dollar menu at burger king.

sidney, maybe part time school may build his confidence!!

gg...your welcome!



This message was edited Jun 8, 2006 12:36 PM

(Zone 9b)

WOW I finally finished this thread. And WOW. You guys have been thru a lot. I am going to reevaluate my current unhappiness with my son for forgetting his Dad's birthday. It must be so hard to watch those you love struggle so much in life. Sidney, it sure sounds like your boy is ready for a big change. It is nice he knows you love him enough to come home when he needs to.

And Brinda, I couldn't find when you had posted about your wedding, just references to it. So tell all girl. It sounds like you guys have worked out all the big kinks in your relationship so a perfect time.

I also missed where foie gras was mentioned, Hap. I love it, but of course for it is so bad for you. My DH wanted to try cooking it but when I went to buy it last Sunday at the farmer's market, it was $40 a pound and I had to buy an entire pound. I was thinking a pound would kill us for sure so I walked on by.

SE Houston (Hobby), TX(Zone 9a)

You guys bring me so much comfort. I hope one day we'll all meet somewhere...

I have stories, too, mostly good ones. Not that there are bad ones. They are all part of my life, and of who I am.

I believe that every thread in the fabric is part of what makes the whole. Every bad turn, every wrong decision, is part of shaping us into who we eventually become. And the "becoming" is a neverending, lifelong process. (My mother was evolving even on her deathbed.)

I believe in God. I believe there is nothing that happens that He doesn't know about, and that He is in control of ALL things. So, wherever you are in life at any given moment, is exactly where you're supposed to be. Things that are happening, are just what's supposed to be happening to grow us, stretch us, challenge us to rely on Him.

I rest in the comfort of knowing that when things get tougher than I THINK I can bear, my God is bigger than whatever it is, and is COMPLETELY able to handle it. So, I just say, "OK, God. It's yours, please handle this." And He takes that thing and works it out.

So much easier to turn it over to the one who can handle it. And -- I have peace...

Chicago, IL(Zone 5b)

You are so right GG. It's so much easier to give to Him.

Kell, 40 smackers? That's a hunk of change all right. And to eat a pound is sure death. But what a death, and how happy you would be.....hehehe

2B....how's the leg... you better answer fast so I know that you are sitting at the computer and not gallivanting around. Right?

Check in Sugar......everything going OK?

See ya later, Heather.

Got to get my wash....

Hap

SE Houston (Hobby), TX(Zone 9a)

All that to say,
Sidney,
Sit down with your son in a conversation of mutual love and respect. Ask him what his hopes, dreams and fears are. Listen. Then, you share yours, and outline your expectations. Two adults who love and respect each other.

If you're praying people, PRAY FIRST. If not, pray anyway. Keep on praying, and revisit the conversation together periodically to map out progress.

Help him lovingly with any areas he would like to be held accountable for. Suggest some for him (Like Tobee said, no sleeping until noon, no malingering, no maid service).

If his goal is to find work, set a daily schedule for job hunting. Let him be responsible for his own upkeep (clothes, dishes, etc.) Don't "ENABLE" him or allow him to become "helpless."

Empower him when and where you can in the day to day choices and decisions that must be made. It will bolster his confidence to handle things. And that suggestion about taking a college course or two is excellent! Encourage him to enroll.

Hope my $.02 helps.

I support you!

Yukon, OK(Zone 7b)

Sidney I'm so happy you posted. You were on my mind when I fell asleep and there again the morning when I woke. And no way do I believe that you were a bad mother. If you told me that you didn't work and didn't care for you son and his welfare at all, then I might believe some of it. Things happen in our lives and we have to do the thing that we feel is right at the time. And putting a roof over his head and food on the table was most important. And Dayne isn't the only person who has made bad choices. We all have in our lives and probably will continue to until we are gone. I do feel for Dayne....I can't imagine the inner struggle he is feeling and I'm certain that he is thankful that you've opened your home to him. I really do have a good feeling about this and pray that within 6 months you can look back and be so very pleased and so can he. Faith & prayer....... Make sure you tell him that we're all behind him too!

Kell....I didn't post anything about the wedding! LOL It's really been difficult for me to come clean about it. Allan & I have been together for 10 years! Can you believe that? And after a year we decided to get married....it just took us 9 years to get it done! LOL It just seems that we've stayed so busy with our business' and just didn't take the time we should have to do one of the most important things! When Allan moved in, Chase was 14 and Braden was 3.....so there was so much to adjust to with my kids. But soon they both loved him and he is certainly a wonderful dad to both of them. Then along somes Allan's son (Sean) and moves in with us. Things were so rocky when all of that happened. Allan was the typical guilty parent and tried in everyway to please Sean and give him all the things that he thought Sean had missed. It was tough because Sean (who is a year younger than Chase) wasn't expected to have responsibilities or be held responsible for his actions, but my kids still were. So you can only imagine the stress in this house. Ouch! It all finally ended after my screaming fit and Sean went to the Army in 2004! Praise the Lord!! OK...I said too much....I was going to tell you why we waited so long and why I've never said anything! Now ya know! LOL It was just easier to call Allan my DH....and that way I didn't have to explain anything. And yes Kell, we finally got all the kinks worked out.....til the MIL came! LOL Good thing she lives so far away! Whew!

Yuck you guys! Duck Liver? Oh....I'm spitting and sputtering just thinking of it! I'm not a vegitarian.....but it wouldn't break my heart to be one. If it weren't for Allan I surely would be! But duck liver? Yikes!!!

Pheadra, thanks for the congrats and the beautiful card!! I was just over on your coleus thread drooling over all your beauties!

Sidney, I was just thinking....hopefully Dayne can kick the habit since he's only been smoking for that amount of time. I sure with I could. But I have to want to before even trying! I normally don't smoke in the house....but I have to say that when my MIL left on Monday....I grabbed a pack of cigs and ran to my office....kept the lights off and sat in front of the puter and lite about 5 of them in a row! LOL Ooooohhhhh it sure felt good! LOLOL And I probably shouldn't be so harsh where she is concerned. She really is a nice lady (when she's in CA) and such a generous person. It's just that she is so opinionated and always has some snide remark. Drives me nuts. I have a plant stand with lights still in my kitchen. And the first thing she said was....."What's that? I was going to put it away....but decided to leave it....LOL

GG.///start craming stuff in your garden. You need to do it now before it gets so hot. I stick everything I can in....I love overkill! LOL The more the better! I like them full!!! And if something doesn't make it....it just wasn't meant to be!

Hap....why did you say 'see ya later' to Heather? Is she going somewhere? Did I miss something? My eyes wouldn't focus this morning ...LOL...maybe I missed something!

Oh Hap....I gave my DIL your eggplant recipe. She plans to fix it this weekend. She is thrilled....and so am I. She is a vegitarian and I'm always looking for something new to fix for her.

Love you guys.....
xoxoxoxox

GG...I was typing when you hit send. How old are you? You really seem to have a great head on your shoulders! I'm 47 and I don't think I was anywhere near as level headed as you are when I was younger!

Chicago, IL(Zone 5b)

What you always wanted to know but were afraid to ask..........ROTFL....

Yeh, GG, how old is our little girl? HUH....HUH....come on.....speak up.....

Yukon, OK(Zone 7b)

Oh...I forgot to mention this earlier! LOL I had a pedicure today and I feel like a million dollars! LOL And now I'm going on in the backyard to mess it up! hahaha.....not really, surely it will last til DH gets home! Wooohooooo!

Taylor Creek, FL(Zone 10a)

Gonna go in the morninng and get DS a new Florida ID. Will also go with him to Electricians hall to see if he can get into their apprenticeship program. He is also looking into working with a glass contractor. He should have two degrees by now as he went to Jr Collage in Charlotte for 16 years. I believe he is ready to turn the page. We're gonna do a very little planting in a little bit, and a rain dance.
My yard is shaping up and I need to put some more free goodies from Jeremy in.
Sidney

(Zone 9b)

Hey Brin, anything you do is fine by me. You are a great person and a better friend so do not let your heart be troubled. Everyone has their own path in life and if we were all on the same one, we wouldn't all fit and second how boring would life be. You do what is best for your life and I will stand back and applaud it.

Gee Sidney, you couldn't have a better bunch of supporters. You go girl!

Hap I couldn't stand all the talk of foie gras so for breakfast I had the foie gras pate I bought Sunday . A little was left. It was no where as sinful as the melt in your mouth foie gras, and the cup of tea and toasted wheat English muffin sure was not the best accompaniments, but I had fun! Brin a little foie gras would be so much tastier than those dirty old cigs.

Taylor Creek, FL(Zone 10a)

I would think there's a surplus of duck liver with all they've killed to make tape.
;)

Yukon, OK(Zone 7b)

Well Sidney...I'm lost! Don't forget, I'm an Okie....what do ducks have to do with tape? I know what horses have to do with glue...but I'm really lost on this one! LOL

You're right Kell about the cigs! But I have to say...I'm thinking I'd rather eat a cig than eat duck liver! haha

(Zone 9b)

Only because you haven't had any fois gras Brinda. I had some 2 week sago at a fancy restaurant and it was SO GOOD! In fact I have had it 3 times in the last few weeks and twice it was SO GODD. Once was so so. It melts in your mouth.

Duck tape............... a joke. LOL

This message was edited Jun 8, 2006 12:56 PM

Yukon, OK(Zone 7b)

LOL....all I can do is blame this one on the color of my hair! Sheesh! I do feel like a dummy! LOLOL

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